It's hot, it's actually hot here. It's been like it for days. Of course the air conditioning broke as soon as the temperature went up, Belgian AC just isn't geared up to cope with hot days.
They might get someone round next week, they're very busy now.
It's good when we're out of the office though, sitting in the garden, listening to the neighbours shouting at their kids.
The mint died. Bit of a shocker, mint is supposed to be virtually indestructible so why is it the only one pushing up daisies?
I'll put the spinach out next, it's kicked off well in the trough so it needs to have a run out in the garden now.
Radishes look a bit proud, they'd better be good. Maybe I should grow some medicinal ganga, yeeh, I could brew up some hooch in the cellar and be like a proper hippy twat.
Yeeh, it's hot, it's hot, it's enough.
JJ
Tuesday, 30 June 2009
Sunday, 28 June 2009
Michael Jackson
I was a bit surprised there, I always thought of him as youngster. I'm sure he used to be very young once, and black. Isn't it odd that as he got whiter and whiter he sold less and less records and eventually turned into a child molester, allegedly. I still think it was more the parents opportunism than anything bad, I'm no great fan but he didn't seem malicious or manipulative. Naive if anything.
It doesn't add up though, what about the thing with Liz Taylor? On the one hand young boys, one the other hand MILF. Speaking as the one voted by class as "most likely to become a sexual deviant" I can honestly say this boys/milf question doesn't scan.
But like any celebrity there's more to Mojambo than sex and sensasionalism. Buying the Beatles catalogue was very smart, and like a true businessman stereotype he upset his best friend Paul "Macca" MacFartney in the process. Rumour has it that Whitey left the Jowelled one something in his will, the remaining Jackson 4 are hoping it's about 600 million dollars of debt. Once that's paid off, the others can go back to collecting press clippings and sticking pins in Whacko dolls. Sibling rivalry, it's only natural.
I don't know if the Senegalese really practice voodoo but I know there's a pretty famous witchcraft shop in Huddersfield. If anyone should be under suspicion of showing puppies to young boys it should be Jermaine. If you give a black man a gay name he's bound have problems, just look at him, he's creepy. And he was always the first to defend Snowcloud when these things went public.
So the only remaining question is; if The Lord of the Ring was in so much debt why didn't the American tax payers bail him out? Isn't that what they do now? The state should have bought Kimosabe and then he wouldn't have died needlessly. Such a waste of talent, so young, so vibrant, such a fucked up wierdo.
I can't be the only one having difficulty dealing with this. Throughout the eighties he was the undisputed World Champion Jumpy Squeaky Thing, we all admired him, then it all went a bit legal and now he's dead. What can one say?
The funeral arrangements are bit more complex than usual, they've got a blue coffin for the plastic, yellow for the beatles records and green for the organic parts. It's hard to imagine in six months time his chin could be the volume knob on a Mitsubishi Pajero. These celebs love all that re-cycling lark and I don't see why he should be any different.
This is JJ saying "ooowwww!" and goodnight.
JJ
It doesn't add up though, what about the thing with Liz Taylor? On the one hand young boys, one the other hand MILF. Speaking as the one voted by class as "most likely to become a sexual deviant" I can honestly say this boys/milf question doesn't scan.
But like any celebrity there's more to Mojambo than sex and sensasionalism. Buying the Beatles catalogue was very smart, and like a true businessman stereotype he upset his best friend Paul "Macca" MacFartney in the process. Rumour has it that Whitey left the Jowelled one something in his will, the remaining Jackson 4 are hoping it's about 600 million dollars of debt. Once that's paid off, the others can go back to collecting press clippings and sticking pins in Whacko dolls. Sibling rivalry, it's only natural.
I don't know if the Senegalese really practice voodoo but I know there's a pretty famous witchcraft shop in Huddersfield. If anyone should be under suspicion of showing puppies to young boys it should be Jermaine. If you give a black man a gay name he's bound have problems, just look at him, he's creepy. And he was always the first to defend Snowcloud when these things went public.
So the only remaining question is; if The Lord of the Ring was in so much debt why didn't the American tax payers bail him out? Isn't that what they do now? The state should have bought Kimosabe and then he wouldn't have died needlessly. Such a waste of talent, so young, so vibrant, such a fucked up wierdo.
I can't be the only one having difficulty dealing with this. Throughout the eighties he was the undisputed World Champion Jumpy Squeaky Thing, we all admired him, then it all went a bit legal and now he's dead. What can one say?
The funeral arrangements are bit more complex than usual, they've got a blue coffin for the plastic, yellow for the beatles records and green for the organic parts. It's hard to imagine in six months time his chin could be the volume knob on a Mitsubishi Pajero. These celebs love all that re-cycling lark and I don't see why he should be any different.
This is JJ saying "ooowwww!" and goodnight.
JJ
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
Soup With Himmler
Hitler banned soup from the Nazi HQ. He was the first person to ask the question "does one eat cup-a-soup or drink it?" he didn't get a straight answer so he banned all soup, period. When Himmler asked "what will we do with our bread?", this is exactly what he said; "shove your bread up your arse Bitch, yes you are my bitch get on your knees and bark like a bitch. Now catch the frisbee".
I wouldn't have lasted very long at Nazi HQ, I don't handle authority figures well. But that's just part of it, they wouldn't have let me in because I'm one of those liberals that plays with food during sex. The first time I had a goats cheese and honey Panini I was disgusted, so I had to do the tongue thing to get rid of the taste of the sandwich, it took a while. But that was in the eighties, before pot noodle became a tasty snack rather than a footballers haircut.
These days everything’s changed, the latest food sex diet is chocolate bars with condoms on. You can chew on it for a ages but you can't swallow the chocolate, unless you swallow the whole thing with the condom - if you can manage that put your phone number in comments please (ladies only). The Egyptians invented chocolate because they didn't have condoms. Not bathing was the other form of contraception practiced by ladies and gentlemen of the time, which is still practiced in some urban housing developments today (with notably less success).
Sprint races shouldn't be measured in meters, it should be feet. The result should be the runners speed in Feet per second, then we can say "fast feet", "may the fastest feet win", "look at him go! 32 feet per second!". Of course a millipede can move a thousand feet in less than a second but that's not the same, it's just a semantic anomaly. Millipedes are smug buggers, lording it over the centipede's with their extra legs, not very classy.
Yeeeeh.
JJ
I wouldn't have lasted very long at Nazi HQ, I don't handle authority figures well. But that's just part of it, they wouldn't have let me in because I'm one of those liberals that plays with food during sex. The first time I had a goats cheese and honey Panini I was disgusted, so I had to do the tongue thing to get rid of the taste of the sandwich, it took a while. But that was in the eighties, before pot noodle became a tasty snack rather than a footballers haircut.
These days everything’s changed, the latest food sex diet is chocolate bars with condoms on. You can chew on it for a ages but you can't swallow the chocolate, unless you swallow the whole thing with the condom - if you can manage that put your phone number in comments please (ladies only). The Egyptians invented chocolate because they didn't have condoms. Not bathing was the other form of contraception practiced by ladies and gentlemen of the time, which is still practiced in some urban housing developments today (with notably less success).
Sprint races shouldn't be measured in meters, it should be feet. The result should be the runners speed in Feet per second, then we can say "fast feet", "may the fastest feet win", "look at him go! 32 feet per second!". Of course a millipede can move a thousand feet in less than a second but that's not the same, it's just a semantic anomaly. Millipedes are smug buggers, lording it over the centipede's with their extra legs, not very classy.
Yeeeeh.
JJ
Monday, 22 June 2009
Poop Poop PeeDoo
What Barack needs now it so have an affair with Angelina Jolie. Then she can sing Happy Birthday Mr President. Can she sing? Does someone know because I'd really like to know.
The thing is though it won't happen. JFK got away with it, even Bill Clinton got away with it but Barack won't. Because he's black. I think he would even win a second term if the economy didn't recover, I can imagine the media lining up to say "well it was Bush that messed it up, no-one could have saved that".
Ok, here's the cut, he'll get away with it if he has an affair with say, Halle Berry, or Beyonce but not Jolie, not Stefani. You see what I'm saying? Yeh we've made strides by having a black president but there's still something nasty in the woodshed.
But this is just half-arsed opinion, if I could use my whole arse I might make some money out of it. That's not how it sounds, I mean I could publish it but I don't have time to research it properly. I'm not ready to give up my day job on a whimsical fancy, I like my day job. I get to walk around in my suit and talk to people in foreign climes on a mobile phone while picking out the cod steaks for dinner. Did you know "foriegn" is an Indian word, my guess is that Hindi was the only language the English tried to learn from their colonies so they've assimilated a few words. Shampoo is another one, and so is Transcendentalism.
I did a baked cod in tomato juice with potatoes and Greek salad for dinner, went down very well with a sparkly white wine from Luxembourg. Sparkly isn't the same as Sparkling - that's like champagne. Sparkly is more subtle, like Italian Frizzante.
I'm growing my own herbs now; Basil, Radish, Spinach and Thyme. I've got some flowers going in a small trough too but I'm buggered if I can remember what they're called. Radish is a herb if you dry out the bulbs and grind them into a white powder, then you can put the powder in little bags and sell it to yuppies as cocaine. It makes their eyes glow red when they snort it, take a camera with you.
Seen that Nasa arsed up another shuttle launch. Congress are going to cut the space budget by 16%, what does that mean? It's not like saying "well we're a bit short of cash so we won't go to Miami for holidays this year we'll rent a caravan next to the canal". If you can't afford Mars then you are back at the Moon, say "Cheese".
Oh there was one odd bit of research to use here, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Look at the surname, Schwarz means Black and Negger means, well we aren't allowed to use that word. So, how does "Black Negger" come to be family name in Austria? Even if it's an old name and slavery was not a bad thing then, we still have to wonder who would take that as a name? Arnie Isn't black.
Barack is though, and I think he made the right speech about the banking system. He's making a lot of strong good sounding speeches. He must be making a lot of enemies too.
That's all I'm saying.
JJ
The thing is though it won't happen. JFK got away with it, even Bill Clinton got away with it but Barack won't. Because he's black. I think he would even win a second term if the economy didn't recover, I can imagine the media lining up to say "well it was Bush that messed it up, no-one could have saved that".
Ok, here's the cut, he'll get away with it if he has an affair with say, Halle Berry, or Beyonce but not Jolie, not Stefani. You see what I'm saying? Yeh we've made strides by having a black president but there's still something nasty in the woodshed.
But this is just half-arsed opinion, if I could use my whole arse I might make some money out of it. That's not how it sounds, I mean I could publish it but I don't have time to research it properly. I'm not ready to give up my day job on a whimsical fancy, I like my day job. I get to walk around in my suit and talk to people in foreign climes on a mobile phone while picking out the cod steaks for dinner. Did you know "foriegn" is an Indian word, my guess is that Hindi was the only language the English tried to learn from their colonies so they've assimilated a few words. Shampoo is another one, and so is Transcendentalism.
I did a baked cod in tomato juice with potatoes and Greek salad for dinner, went down very well with a sparkly white wine from Luxembourg. Sparkly isn't the same as Sparkling - that's like champagne. Sparkly is more subtle, like Italian Frizzante.
I'm growing my own herbs now; Basil, Radish, Spinach and Thyme. I've got some flowers going in a small trough too but I'm buggered if I can remember what they're called. Radish is a herb if you dry out the bulbs and grind them into a white powder, then you can put the powder in little bags and sell it to yuppies as cocaine. It makes their eyes glow red when they snort it, take a camera with you.
Seen that Nasa arsed up another shuttle launch. Congress are going to cut the space budget by 16%, what does that mean? It's not like saying "well we're a bit short of cash so we won't go to Miami for holidays this year we'll rent a caravan next to the canal". If you can't afford Mars then you are back at the Moon, say "Cheese".
Oh there was one odd bit of research to use here, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Look at the surname, Schwarz means Black and Negger means, well we aren't allowed to use that word. So, how does "Black Negger" come to be family name in Austria? Even if it's an old name and slavery was not a bad thing then, we still have to wonder who would take that as a name? Arnie Isn't black.
Barack is though, and I think he made the right speech about the banking system. He's making a lot of strong good sounding speeches. He must be making a lot of enemies too.
That's all I'm saying.
JJ
Friday, 19 June 2009
What I'm saying is...
Sand is shit. The Parrot Fish eats algae off coral. It has very hard beak like mouth which causes it to eat a lot of coral when it's trying to get the algae. It can't digest the coral, it just passes it out the back end, as sand. Sand comes out of the Parrot Fish's bot.
There is a popular myth in England that their National Dish, the Chicken Tikka Massala, was invented in Glasgow. Let's see, pick the odd one out here:
Fish & Chips
Deep Fried Mars Bar
Deep Fried Pizza
Chicken Tikka Massala with Rice and Naan
The last one isn't deep fried, that's a clue. And it's Indian food, that's another clue.
How many times have I heard the spaghetti bolognese isn't authentic Italian but invented by English students? About 87 times, it's hogwash of course.
Americans do it too; Pizza, Burgers, Hot Dogs, Music, Sport, Sex. Americans pursue all of these activities with relentless vigour and have somehow forged the idea that they invented them all. Loco Moco was invented in Hawaii but that's not really America, it's got too much culture to be America. If you must know Loco Moco is a hamburger and a fried egg on rice covered in gravy. Sounds damned good to me, I pretty sure I'll be trying that at home soon.
The Greeks are just as bad, they think they invented culture, pah! The Greek language is derived from Sanskrit which originated in India. Hence all Greek culture is a poor forgery of one original culure - Indian, which is much older and smarter. All the DNA's in the world can be traced back to China or India, there are two distinct groups, then back to Africa. And then to a couple of Aliens from the Sirius Binary Star System.
But that's all in the past, where's this culture thing going now? In Iceland, Rejkyavic to be precise, we saw a bunch of locals dressed in Blues Brothers gear having a convention at our hotel. In the hotel car park there was a row of American 60's and 70's cars. It's just fashion then? What used to be cool in America is now cool in Iceland, maybe one day American Football will only be played in Sweden and they'll say "why is it called American Football?", Texans will be eating Reindeer Steak and will have forgotten that their ancestors farmed cattle and Reindeer came from Lapland.
Does anyone know if there are terrorists in Lapland? Seems to me that "Lapland" should be a proper country, not jointly occupied by Sweden and Finland. Occupied places with "land" in their name are usually fertile breeding grounds for terrorists, except Palestine. Ok, are there any people in Lapland? Let's start from there.
According to our friend Wikipedia there are 168,000 Laplandices. That's a lot, they should be able to muster an army and raze Helsinki. I'd say about 10,000 soldiers could do it if they go on a Friday night when the natives are busy heaving in the gutters. Ok, any evening after about 5.30pm.
There's no such thing as alcoholism in Finland, it's like the old German joke "what do they call Frankfurters in Frankfurt? : Sausages". You see? Who is going to call who an alcoholic? It doesn't happen. Maybe "tine" is Arabic for "land", could be.
But back to food, I do love telling Italians that the Chinese invented pasta, no matter how many times you do it, it's hilarious every time, they wave their arms and shout and spit. The conversation moves into culture and then I'll claim that Spain is a what Italy would have become if they updated their buildings and stuff. Italians really look down on the Spanish. It's great fun also telling the Spanish that Italian is the real Mediterranean culture, set's them off every time. Spanish people really know how get angry, you should see it, beats the crap out of watching TV.
Right.
JJ
There is a popular myth in England that their National Dish, the Chicken Tikka Massala, was invented in Glasgow. Let's see, pick the odd one out here:
Fish & Chips
Deep Fried Mars Bar
Deep Fried Pizza
Chicken Tikka Massala with Rice and Naan
The last one isn't deep fried, that's a clue. And it's Indian food, that's another clue.
How many times have I heard the spaghetti bolognese isn't authentic Italian but invented by English students? About 87 times, it's hogwash of course.
Americans do it too; Pizza, Burgers, Hot Dogs, Music, Sport, Sex. Americans pursue all of these activities with relentless vigour and have somehow forged the idea that they invented them all. Loco Moco was invented in Hawaii but that's not really America, it's got too much culture to be America. If you must know Loco Moco is a hamburger and a fried egg on rice covered in gravy. Sounds damned good to me, I pretty sure I'll be trying that at home soon.
The Greeks are just as bad, they think they invented culture, pah! The Greek language is derived from Sanskrit which originated in India. Hence all Greek culture is a poor forgery of one original culure - Indian, which is much older and smarter. All the DNA's in the world can be traced back to China or India, there are two distinct groups, then back to Africa. And then to a couple of Aliens from the Sirius Binary Star System.
But that's all in the past, where's this culture thing going now? In Iceland, Rejkyavic to be precise, we saw a bunch of locals dressed in Blues Brothers gear having a convention at our hotel. In the hotel car park there was a row of American 60's and 70's cars. It's just fashion then? What used to be cool in America is now cool in Iceland, maybe one day American Football will only be played in Sweden and they'll say "why is it called American Football?", Texans will be eating Reindeer Steak and will have forgotten that their ancestors farmed cattle and Reindeer came from Lapland.
Does anyone know if there are terrorists in Lapland? Seems to me that "Lapland" should be a proper country, not jointly occupied by Sweden and Finland. Occupied places with "land" in their name are usually fertile breeding grounds for terrorists, except Palestine. Ok, are there any people in Lapland? Let's start from there.
According to our friend Wikipedia there are 168,000 Laplandices. That's a lot, they should be able to muster an army and raze Helsinki. I'd say about 10,000 soldiers could do it if they go on a Friday night when the natives are busy heaving in the gutters. Ok, any evening after about 5.30pm.
There's no such thing as alcoholism in Finland, it's like the old German joke "what do they call Frankfurters in Frankfurt? : Sausages". You see? Who is going to call who an alcoholic? It doesn't happen. Maybe "tine" is Arabic for "land", could be.
But back to food, I do love telling Italians that the Chinese invented pasta, no matter how many times you do it, it's hilarious every time, they wave their arms and shout and spit. The conversation moves into culture and then I'll claim that Spain is a what Italy would have become if they updated their buildings and stuff. Italians really look down on the Spanish. It's great fun also telling the Spanish that Italian is the real Mediterranean culture, set's them off every time. Spanish people really know how get angry, you should see it, beats the crap out of watching TV.
Right.
JJ
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