Friday, 19 December 2008

Me, me, me, me, me, me, I'm the Presi-debt !!!

Here's a bullet point list of things we're going fix in the world before the year end reports are due, it'll be good PR:

1. Make Finland part of Scandinavia, I'm sick of explaining that
2. Make the Falkand Islands part of Wales, it's a sheep thing
3. change February into Febury and Library into Libry, just do it - for America!
4. Cancel this nonsense "World Series" Baseball and teach them to play Cricket
5. Cancel all American sports and Aussie Rules football, learn to play global sports
6. Re-instate Aussie Rules Football, that last bit was just to stop Americans feeling victimised
7. Make New Zealand into the 7th Australian State, it's almost there anyway, its just paperwork now
8. Fidel Castro - give it up dude! move to Florida already
9. Stop this Champagne vs Sparkling Wine garbage, it's the same product. I want South African Champagne, as a consumer I demand it
10. Give Pakistan back to India. They've had sixty years of freedom it's clear they can't cope
11. fill the Isle of White with Chinese people! yay! The Isle of ChinaWhite
12. put polar bears on the Antarctic, because we need new nature documentaries, yay! polar bears eating penguins
13. Re-instate Chinese monarchy in Honk Kong, yay! King Kong!
14. Send more donkeys to Hong Kong, yay! Donkey Kong!

The problem with having a black president is you can't mock him without thinking "is that racist? will people think I'm racist?", fucking no fun boring talk-a-lot dried up twat president.

Hmmm... see you can't call me a racist, I've earned me a banana.

Doh! I'm not racist dammit! I saved the world not Gordon Brown, why can't he see that?!

JJ

5 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

The derogatory remark about a banana was especially racist.

Zed said...

Gorilla, I would have thought the remark about re-instating the Chinese Monarchy in Hong Kong would have upset you too. I mean really, King Kong?

Joliet Jake said...

GB: if i like bananas how is it racist?

zed: don't encourage him. I thought that was a good line, a bit "family entertainment" but still, it's free what more do you want?

Aku said...

I agree on number 1!

Joliet Jake said...

Dammit Aku, you're supposed to be insulted, why do women never do what they're supposed to do?