Thursday, 24 May 2007

Heroes and Villains II

I got pretty good ratings with "Heroes and Villains", so of course I'm going to cash in with a quick sequel.

Drama Queen has elected to be the Invisible woman, nooooohhh! we can't see the stockings! My cunning plan is foiled, she was supposed to be Wonder Woman, drat and blast! The Tippler (villain), is denying everything, of course he is the fiend, but he doesn't know I have a secret witness. I deliberately kept my witness out of the first part to flush out his dastardly plan. This isn't over yet Tippler! *shakes fist in comic book fashion*

Elaib was last seen sporting a baby pink passport at a UKIP conference and is now trying to calculate his menstrual cycle using his mobile phone (check his blog, it's all true). Who will save us from his diabolical plans? Spanish Goth to the rescue! *fanfare* faster than a receding mullet he races accross the sticky bar floor, but what's this? Oh no! The evil seductress Minky has felled our hero with a well timed shoe to the temple! That was a good 4 yards away (3.64 metres), her legendary dark shoe throwing art has just become more legendarier, if that's possible, or if it's even English.

Now it seems that Elaib and Minky are in cohoots, with each other, we're all doomed! But what's happening now? it looks as though the phone is drifting away from the clutches of the villian all by itself, can it be? what can this mean? Yay! it's the invisible Drama Queen, she's sneaked in and made off with the phone and all the dates of Elaibs menstrual cycle.

She's made it to the car park but only to find Vicus Scurra and Zoe waiting with a villainous plan of their own. The dastards have been having a cohoot in the car park all this time, now they've thrown buckets of double cream all over Drama Queen so she isn't invisible any more! (blimey! It never ocurred to me she was naked, but it makes snense if you think about it, especially now that she's covered in cream). Talking of cream, that's a cue for UberAnnie to join the fray, she's using the cream as a filling in her Victoria Sponges and throwing them at Vicus Scurra and Zoe forcing them to retreat while Drama Queen makes her getaway. Hooray! the day is saved and the evil Elaib is foiled again.

But wait a minute, what happened to the Airport Exile? Was there someone else lurking around the car park? A mysterious Shadowy figure? Who is he? And who's side is he really on?

Holy fictionous fictitudes! Does anyone know what's going on? Does anyone care?

The End.

Joliet Jake was played by Spiderman
Elaib - the Green Goblin
Minky - Catwoman
Drama Queen - The Invisible Woman
Spanish Goth - Hellboy
Tippler - Lex Luthor
Uberannie - Wonder Woman
Vicus Scurra - the Riddler
the Airport Exile - the Shadow
Zoe - Cruella de Vil

Have a nice long weekend, I'm off to Vienna to see the Andrea Chenier opera and eat schnitzels (hopefully with some good sauerkraut and fried potato pieces)


Cheese and Pickle Election

Well it's almost time to close the polls (see left-hand column) and with a remarkable 6 votes counted so far, the shock leader is Gordon Brown. Contrary to popular opinion (mine), it seems that Gordon is somehow capable of winning a one-horse race. The majority of voters (three) are supporting the view that the Prime Minister should be elected by the errrmm Electorate, remember them Gordon?

But all that's nonsense, if you want real change, look here:

New Blogroll links; FSM, Germany doesn't Suck, Godwhacker, Thinking Americans, Ubercake

Things to see and do: the free orange and sheep have been moved to "Deleted Scenes", the orange definately has a memory leak and the sheep probably does too.

InWeDay is a blogmeet for expats in Germany, so why did I join? Just fancied a trip to Germany, they have KFC.

At the bottom of the page I've added a world Time Zones thingo, just above the news ticker. The search terms for the news ticker are "graspop, ibanez, monkey, ufo".

And finally, the picture. Yes, that's really me, it was drawn by Jed Pascoe. Jed is a cartoonist for the BBC, he does Newsnight regularly, others as and when required. He drew it on one of those "tablet" pc's, the one with the screen you can write on (or draw on, assuming you can draw in the first place). I met Jed at the conference for mobile and wireless computery things.

Nothing wrong with Cheese or Pickles, I just wouldn't want them governing my country.


Tuesday, 22 May 2007

Heroes and Villains

Irony can be explained in one word "lisp".

Again I forgot to fill in the sandwich ordering sheet on reception so I had to go to the gas station for a sandwich. This time a fella walked up to me with a mobile phone and a receipt for some pay-as-you-go dealy, he needed to put the code into the phone but he couldn't read it without his glasses. Should this man be driving?

But that's not why we're here today. Movie heroes and villains, that's the thing of it. Always an interesting bunch especially the comic book ones, Superman, Batman, Lex Luthor, the Riddler to name but a few. Well you can guess where this going, isn't blogworld something like comic book world? Yes it is, so here you have the list of heroes and villains, in no particular order:

1. Joliet Jake - hero (easy one)
2. Elaib - villain, by association (with politics). Why does everyone call him Eliab?
3. Mkwm - villain (for throwing a shoe at DQ, it's in the comments somewhere)
4. Drama Queen - hero, the long coat/stockings business isn't quite Hollywood Hero behaviour but it counts here
5. Spanish Goth - hero, for incitement against the pastor and his mob
6. Tippler - villain, for pinching my email address from his blog comments and circulating it
7. UberAnnie - hero, newest addition to my blog roll
8. Vicus Scurra - villain, for denigrating absolutely everything, constantly
9. the Airport Exile - hero, top-tastic story telling
10. Zoe - villian, for calling Quarsan a twat

Remember, one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter so if you think some of these Villians are Heros that just means you too are a Villain. So no need to complain, the proper thing to do is to keep a stiff upper lip and perhaps comment something irrelevent. For example, my mum's neighbours are in a dispute because one's cat keeps shitting in the other's mint plants. As Mr Goth so sagely explained to me, "they do it to hide the smell".

Thanks for listening, you've been great.