Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Streeps Ahead

Gwyneth Paltrow is the new Meryl Streep. Well, she will be in about 15 years. I saw Meryl in Mamma Mia, the movie of the musical, it's an entertaining movie, probably one that will re-appear on public holidays and I'll watch it again because "there's nothing else on", it was that good.

But the great thing was seeing actors like Meryl and Julie Walters putting in these really good performances and proving that you don't have to be a thirty-something-boob-job to make non-porn movies as a woman. We already knew that about Meryl, but looking around at the "next crop" I'd say Gwyneth is going the right way about it, she's smart. But then, when the opposition is Jennifer Anniston - you don't need to be brain surgeon. I'd defy anyone to dispute that the ex-cast of Friends have really taken down the batting averages for movie quality.

I'm sure I've seen four or five movies with ex-Friends but I can't remember any of them except the one with Harrison Ford (and Jennifer), because Harrison was in it. Actually, has "Joey" made any films? I know he made a really shit spin-off sit-com.

My life is a bit like a sitcom, this morning I went to the dog track and bet a pony on a muppet, I was telling Shuey about it when he told me Bownsey has a half share in wippet, which is what I should have been betting on, so I asked him who has the other half and he said "Chandler from Friends". then we did a whole bit about the person owning the front half collecting all of the winnings but the other guy owns the dogs bollocks.

Then I quit my job as a ploy to get a raise but my boss accepted my resignation so I ended up begging for my job back at a reduced salary but when he stood up it turned out he was wearing stockings and suspenders so he was sent to the nuthouse and I got a promotion to his job plus the regional manager who gave me the promotion insisted that I have sex with her.

Then I had lunch with the "Fan Man", turns out he got a job installing air conditioning. After that stunt at the super bowl he was inundated with offers from fan related businesses, the funny thing is he knows nothing about fans, his friend Colin Dooley hooked him up with the "Fan Man" fan and now Colin has put a contract out on Fan Man because he thinks he should've had that job.

Obviously I had to say I haven't seen Colin in years, which is true, I haven't seen him since we were hanging around with those Japanese exchange students in Sheffield. That was the summer of '91, wild times.

After lunch I was on my way to the office when I bumped into that guy from the movie with all the aliens that jump up and down and go "yak yak, yak yak yak, yak yak". I said "hey you're the guy from that movie" he said "hey you're the guy from the street". Funny guy, wish I could remember his fucking name. Then I remembered "you're Chandler from Friends", turns out he wasn't in the alien movie at all and he wasn't very funny either, he was quite angry that people see him as an buffoon. Well, he's not helping the situation.

After that encounter I was on a bit of a downer so I went home but I ended up at my old flat which I had moved out of the week before but there was a really hot chick living there who insisted I have sex with her and it slipped out that she was my boss's daughter so I withdrew politely and ran. Then I panicked and told the regional boss I was quitting and she gave me a raise, and a blow job.

x-rated comedy, that's where it's at kids.



DJMatty said...

Joey was in 'Lost in Space', and Chandler was in 'The whole 9 yards' and the second one... just off the top of my head :)

Honey said...

you are mad or a stand up comedian or both

zoe said...

Honey, he's totally barking.

Joliet Jake said...

thanks djmatty, I think I've seen The Whole 9 Yards. You know too much about these things

honey: I guess I could take up comedy, it's not much of a stretch from my current job :)

zoe: barking like a fox ;) rrrrr..