Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Jensen Button and Greek Salad

Now that it's a crap English driver stealing the Formula One championship it's ok to say so without sounding sour graped, or worse. Jenson Button has been in the sport for some years and never won a single race, this season he's the winningest :-O driver. If he was a sprinter he'd be under strong suspicion of drug abuse like what Carl Lewis said about Linford Christie. I agreed with Carl but I didn't say anything. I wanted to part of the complicit establishment, like Jack Nicholson when he said "eeeeh! you can't handle the truth aarrgh!" but nobody asked me.

We know Jenny Buttocks isn't the best driver, he's lucky if he's top ten, so this is no a longer sport is it? Unless building a car is a sport now.

Well why not? Why not put all the parts on the floor for ten cars and have the teams build them and drive one lap. Put that in the olympics, it's how fast you can build the car. Why isn't cooking an olympic sport? See how fast you can make a lasagna with greek salad, if there were medals for cooking I'd definately give Delia Smith one.

Ok but seriously, which of these is a real Current Affair, not just some made up bollocks:

1. Eleven men walked on the moon, so why the fuck has all my spinach died? No wonder they can't solve the food shortage.
2. G W Bush Jnr invaded Iraq because Saddam CIA Hussain Obama said "I stayed in office longer than your dad, so who won the first Gulf war? Who's your daddy?"
3. The very absolute least the major banks could do is write off Michael Jackson's debts after he took the heat off those theiving scumbags
4. Now that Afghanistan has regained it's status as Number One global herion exporter, is it time for the Allies to pull out?

So, now I can publicly declare that Kimi Raikonnen is crappest driver to be champion since Damon Hill. But Damon Hill is still the worst and least credible champion I can think of. The only good thing about Damon is he never cheated, unlike Michael Schumaker in 1996. So roll on Jenniffer Buttmunch and good luck with Sports Personality of the year, I hope you win it because you really need one.

That's enough celebrity baiting, now to lay a trial of clover, dandelion leaves, pansies and chicory to bait that Tortoise. Come on Herman get your chops around this little lot. You'll never guess who clued me in to his favourite titbits....he he he he...