Friday, 6 February 2009

The Ides of February

Also known as "St Valentines Day", it's the fourteenth because it's a short month. Last october I wrote about Valentines Day and now I realise it was a really badly written thing, so I'm doing another one for to atone (it's not a bloody typo Zoe, that's how pirates speak).

Isn't it curious that we celebrate Halloween night with gusto but live in dread of St. Valentines day? The hype has elevated the day to a level of nonsense that no man can live up to, and most men can live up to a lot of nonsense, so what to do? How do we avoid this annual massacre?

The bloody problem is that to do something about it would require forethought and planning, if that was a option we wouldn't forget the wretched date to begin with. Cancelling The Day was suggested but almost caused a riot, why? Do you actually like those days when you can glower accross the breakfast table and say "You do know what day it is don't you?" Isn't that a bit sadistic? Give the poor sod a couple of days notice, then judge him.

Maybe I've got it all wrong, perhaps fear and mistrust are the true secrets of a long lasting relationship. Along with buckets of alcohol and a gym membership that stares at you like a lost cat, "I want to help but we're not allowed pets, how do I know you're really lost?", "oh ok! here have a Mento, now fuck off go on".

I took my car to be serviced for the first time (it was new) and now it feels like it's been violated, like someone else has been in it and it won't look me in the eye anymore. I feel bad, I didn't even think about it, just handed over the key and jumped on the metro without even looking back. We haven't played any cd's since, just driving to and from work in silence. No more singing out loud, being spotted at the traffic lights and laughing. I wonder if that'll ever happen again, I used to pretend it was embarrassing but I was happy really.

Nothing in the post today, two credit card bills and a brochure of bollocks from the Gym. If they had a porn channel on those little tv's in front of the treadmill I'd be running marathons by now, instead I've gained one and a half kilos. It would have been cheaper to just keep going to the pub.

I had hot dogs for dinner today, two hot dogs and a banana. Wonder what I'll have for breakfast? Coco Pops probably, unless I'm late then I'll just have a swig of diet coke as usual. But it's coke zero now, I was still drinking diet coke until someone told me that's for women and coke zero is for men. I have some really fucking insightful friends, this is what they know about. I actually switched! I dread to think where one reads such tripe, or why, could be in the small print of the gym brochure of bollocks. "Gym Etiquette" probably.

Still, it's gone midnight and the heating will be off in a few minutes so I'd better turn in. Never did sort out that Valentine lark, never mind it'll probably take care of itself in the end, most things usually do.


Monday, 2 February 2009

Life in the Movies

"do you want to be in my team?"
"no, fuck off, I only talk to you because we work together"

That's my view of team building, which is perfectly healthy because it takes all sorts to make a balanced team (but trying getting a corporate gobshite to admit that). However, outside the workplace I am somewhat more relaxed, expecially since I have a cellar full of booze in the new gaff. So, the Goth suggested this team building excercise and my answers are below.

If you do try it, please comment me a link. Please, please link me, I soooooo want to be in yooooouur teeeeeam! I haven't got any friends, my imaginary cactus ran away, who finished the milk? Stop laughing I KILL YOU.

Here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool

Here are mine:

Opening Credits:
Death Row - Judas Priest

Waking Up:
Got The Live - Korn

First Day At School:
Turn the Page - Metallica

Making Your New Best Friend:
Miracle Man - Ozzy Osbourne

Falling In Love:
Burn In Hell - Judas Priest

Breaking Up:
Ek Dana - Daler Mehndi (Punjabi)

Stronger - Hard-Fi

Angel - Judas Priest

Life's Okay:
Hysteria - Def Leppard

Death of a Close Friend:
Love Bites - QED, Def Leppard cover

Mental Breakdown:
Psycho Monkey - Joe Satriani

California Dreamin' - Eagles

Another Rainy Night (without you) - Queensryche

Getting Back Together:
Wasted Years - Iron Maiden

Wedding Scene:
Flute concerto in G minor - Vivaldi

Birth of Child:
Battery - Metallica

Car Accident:
Galan Gooriyan - Stereo Nation (Punjabi)

Final Battle:
Tumhen Dil Lagi Bhool Jani Paregee - Nusrat Fateh Ali Kahn (Urdu / Punjabi)

Death Scene:
Bitter Peace - Slayer

Funeral Song:
Disconnected - Queensryche

End Credits:
You Are - Pearl Jam


It's not all in English, but that's what came out of the thing so there it is.