Monday, 27 October 2008

The Madness of Joliet Jake

Why do people say mad things like "a whale isn't a fish, it's a mammal". Look at it, it's a massive huge fish in the sea, see any giraffes in the sea? no because it's a mammal, stop talking bollocks.

Another classic "a tomato isn't a vegetable, it's a fruit", well take it out of your salad and put it in your cake then. Or better still, shove it up your arse.

Here's a good one "bears are more scared of you than you are of them", that's just horseshit, what the f*ck are you talking about? Have you ever seen a real bear? They're massive with huge teeth and claws.

"the best way to deal with a shark is to punch it on the nose". I think there's a better way, shoot it with a harpoon gun before it gets anywhere near you.

"you shouldn't give money to the homeless they waste it on drugs", that's not a waste actually, they're quiet when they're stoned it's better for everyone.

"A penguin is the only bird that can swim." A penguin isn't a bird, birds have feathers and fly through the air, that's what makes them birds. I know what a bird looks like and that isn't it.

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush", what kind of garbage is that? I you're standing in a field with a bird in your hand you need to be arrested and/or locked up.

In fact anything at all to do with birds is absolute hogwash, birds are crazy, and so are cats, bats, rats and silly hats.

I'm going back to lunch now, then I'm going to write a report about something, I haven't decided what yet but I've already got a circulation list in mind, it's f*cking huge!