Saturday, 30 June 2007

Sprouts Life

JJ Goes for a business breakfast

Waitress : Good Morning sir, table for one is it?
JJ : Yes, table for one, just me this morning. Again.
Waitress : Will you be having the Continental Breakfast or the Full Breakfast?
JJ : I suppose it depends which continent you mean
Waitress : Excuse me?
JJ : I mean Australia is continent on it’s own isn’t it? So what’s the difference between full breakfast and continental?
Waitress : Full breakfast includes the warm stuff, sausages, bacon and all that
JJ : Errm, I think I’ll just have a bowl of Coco Pops, what’s that?
Waitress : Continental
JJ : What if have some toast, is it still continental?
Waitress : Err, that’s a bit of grey area, I’ll have to get the manager
JJ : Really? I’m surprised it’s never come up before

JJ finishes his Coco Pops and gets a slice of toast, the waitress and manager approach

Manager : Sorry sir, the toast only comes with the full breakfast so you’ll have to put it back
JJ : You’re kidding, you want me to pay the same price as that guy over there? He’s got sausages, bacon, eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms
Manager : Now that you mention it I’ll have to ask him where he got those mushrooms from, but you’ll still have to put the toast back
JJ : Just mark me down for a full breakfast
Waitress : I’ve already filled in the sheet, can’t change it now
JJ : Well, can I have this one against tomorrow’s breakfast?
Manager : sorry sir, we don’t do toast credit, we’ve had too many problems with that in the past
JJ : Can I get toast on room service?
Manager : Of course sir, the all day breakfast is available 24 hours on room service
JJ : I’ll it put back but I’ll be checking if you send the same one to my room
Manager : We’ll send that on to someone else sir, will there be anything else?
JJ : Can I get a glass of diet coke?
Manager : We don’t do diet coke at breakfast.
JJ : Why not? It must be cheaper than guava juice?
Manager : Probably is sir, but there’s no demand for it at breakfast
JJ : I suppose I could have it on room service
Manager : Indeed sir, you seem to be getting the hang of things nicely
JJ : So I just came down fifteen floors for a bowl of Coco Pops?
Manager : The irony is that room service Coco Pops are complimentary, it’s all in the Hotel Services Guide in your room
JJ : Who the hell reads that? Am I going to be charged for this breakfast?
Manager : Absolutely
JJ : I suppose I’m done here then, thanks.
Manager : Have a nice day
JJ : I doubt it

JJ skulks back to his room and calls room service

Phone Voice : Good morning, room service
JJ : Hi, can I a piece of fresh toast, a glass of diet coke and a bowl of complimentary Coco Pops
Phone Voice : Complimentary Coco Pops? I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean sir
JJ : Coco Pops are complimentary with in-room breakfast, it’s in the Hotel Services Guide
Phone Voice : Really? Wow, no one usually reads those things, but if it’s in there then ok, will that be all?
JJ : Oh, err just a minute it’s quite a long list in this guide thing. I’ll also have the complimentary breakfast massage, a case of those little shower gel bottles, the Lonely Planet for Greece and a hundred dollars. Cash. Make that two hundred
Phone Voice : Ok, that’ll be up in about fifteen minutes
JJ : Thank you very much

About fifteen minutes later the Manager turns up at the door.

JJ : Oh, it’s you again
Manager : I could say the same, but without the surprised tone
JJ : Ok, just leave it on the table
Manager : Would you like the massage before or after the Coco Pops? I’ve warmed my hands especially
JJ : Forget the massage, where do I sign?
Manager : Just here, where it says ‘sucker’s on expense accounts sign here’
JJ : All right, but you haven’t heard the last of me
Manager : Delighted to hear it, enjoy your stay
JJ : I doubt it

The manager leaves and JJ puts the Coco Pops in the bin, the milk runs out of the bottom on to the carpet.

JJ : Hmmmm, they really do turn the milk chocolatey, I might have those again tomorrow.

Sydney 01 July 2007, 3:58am

Tuesday, 26 June 2007

Travel VIII, Welcome to Island No. 7

Brussels to London.
1.15hr late departure, pilot couldn't remember where he parked the plane. We were stood on the tarmac while he wandered around pressing the Unlock button on the key.

Eventually we took off and the nice lady offered me a Chicken salad with a choice of wines; "which one do you recommend?", "This one's 13%", "You're English isn't it?", "Yes", "Me too, I'll have the 13% thank you very much"

Couple of honeymooners across the aisle were already pounding the champagne and taking pictures with the flash. I asked for a bucket of ice water but we were too close to landing for drinks. It's a short flight.

The video announced we were landing in terminal one, nooooo!, but the fella next to me cleared it up. Interestingly the hostess announced the correction in English only. BA's vision of Europe doesn't quite match with the other airlines.

London - Bangkok
Because of the previous delay there was no time to hang around in lounge, we jumped straight on-board. "Is there anyone famous here?" , "there's a couple of jazz musicians on board, but they're flying economy. I can make them play for you, it's in the ticket conditions", "That's very nice of you to offer but I'm not really into jazz. More rock music, you know", "Of course sir, did you catch the Graspop this year?", "I wouldn't be here if I'd caught Graspop", "More champagne sir?", "Just leave the bottle"

Old fella across the aisle is explaining the route to his wife, She seems to be riveted with flying over Bangalore. I watched Ghost Rider, slept, watched shooters had breakfast and that's ten hours done.

Bangkok Airport
There's a new airport in Bangkok, they seem to have taken the Brussels approach to design. Let's make the buggers walk a mile before there's anything to do. The fight crew told us there was only one hour to boarding again so we all left the lounge and sat at the gate for an hour before take off.

Bangkok - Sydney
Same as the last bit, but I didn't watch any films.

Arrived on time, unfortunately the luggage didn't. It's on the next flight, the late departure from Brussels cost me my luggage and two hours hanging around the airport. Got to the hotel at 9.45 and fortunately they've upgraded me a suite, rooms are all taken. No kidding, this suite is bigger than my apartment. However, a months rent would only get me five nights here and it's bloody freezing. Air conditioning is extremely effective but I wish I could turn it off. It rained all day and the sun set around 5pm.

Wandered around the harbour (Darling Harbour), did some shopping so I've got new trousers, shirt and shoes for tomorrow. Fish and Chips for dinner, not to bad a day in the end. Oh and I've booked a Whale Watching trip for Sunday Morning.

It's 00:56 Wednesday morning here, 16:56 Tuesday in Brussels