Saturday, 30 June 2007

Sprouts Life

JJ Goes for a business breakfast

Waitress : Good Morning sir, table for one is it?
JJ : Yes, table for one, just me this morning. Again.
Waitress : Will you be having the Continental Breakfast or the Full Breakfast?
JJ : I suppose it depends which continent you mean
Waitress : Excuse me?
JJ : I mean Australia is continent on it’s own isn’t it? So what’s the difference between full breakfast and continental?
Waitress : Full breakfast includes the warm stuff, sausages, bacon and all that
JJ : Errm, I think I’ll just have a bowl of Coco Pops, what’s that?
Waitress : Continental
JJ : What if have some toast, is it still continental?
Waitress : Err, that’s a bit of grey area, I’ll have to get the manager
JJ : Really? I’m surprised it’s never come up before

JJ finishes his Coco Pops and gets a slice of toast, the waitress and manager approach

Manager : Sorry sir, the toast only comes with the full breakfast so you’ll have to put it back
JJ : You’re kidding, you want me to pay the same price as that guy over there? He’s got sausages, bacon, eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms
Manager : Now that you mention it I’ll have to ask him where he got those mushrooms from, but you’ll still have to put the toast back
JJ : Just mark me down for a full breakfast
Waitress : I’ve already filled in the sheet, can’t change it now
JJ : Well, can I have this one against tomorrow’s breakfast?
Manager : sorry sir, we don’t do toast credit, we’ve had too many problems with that in the past
JJ : Can I get toast on room service?
Manager : Of course sir, the all day breakfast is available 24 hours on room service
JJ : I’ll it put back but I’ll be checking if you send the same one to my room
Manager : We’ll send that on to someone else sir, will there be anything else?
JJ : Can I get a glass of diet coke?
Manager : We don’t do diet coke at breakfast.
JJ : Why not? It must be cheaper than guava juice?
Manager : Probably is sir, but there’s no demand for it at breakfast
JJ : I suppose I could have it on room service
Manager : Indeed sir, you seem to be getting the hang of things nicely
JJ : So I just came down fifteen floors for a bowl of Coco Pops?
Manager : The irony is that room service Coco Pops are complimentary, it’s all in the Hotel Services Guide in your room
JJ : Who the hell reads that? Am I going to be charged for this breakfast?
Manager : Absolutely
JJ : I suppose I’m done here then, thanks.
Manager : Have a nice day
JJ : I doubt it

JJ skulks back to his room and calls room service

Phone Voice : Good morning, room service
JJ : Hi, can I a piece of fresh toast, a glass of diet coke and a bowl of complimentary Coco Pops
Phone Voice : Complimentary Coco Pops? I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean sir
JJ : Coco Pops are complimentary with in-room breakfast, it’s in the Hotel Services Guide
Phone Voice : Really? Wow, no one usually reads those things, but if it’s in there then ok, will that be all?
JJ : Oh, err just a minute it’s quite a long list in this guide thing. I’ll also have the complimentary breakfast massage, a case of those little shower gel bottles, the Lonely Planet for Greece and a hundred dollars. Cash. Make that two hundred
Phone Voice : Ok, that’ll be up in about fifteen minutes
JJ : Thank you very much

About fifteen minutes later the Manager turns up at the door.

JJ : Oh, it’s you again
Manager : I could say the same, but without the surprised tone
JJ : Ok, just leave it on the table
Manager : Would you like the massage before or after the Coco Pops? I’ve warmed my hands especially
JJ : Forget the massage, where do I sign?
Manager : Just here, where it says ‘sucker’s on expense accounts sign here’
JJ : All right, but you haven’t heard the last of me
Manager : Delighted to hear it, enjoy your stay
JJ : I doubt it

The manager leaves and JJ puts the Coco Pops in the bin, the milk runs out of the bottom on to the carpet.

JJ : Hmmmm, they really do turn the milk chocolatey, I might have those again tomorrow.

JJ
Sydney 01 July 2007, 3:58am

6 comments:

MKWM said...

That must have been 'JJ goes for a monkey business breakfast'. (well, isn't there a monkey on the coco pops packet? and yes indeed, they do turn the milk chocolatey, but I prefer the full breakfast, there's no better way to start the day).

JolietJake said...

Have you seen planet of the apes? you can lend mine if you like, also King Kong (the recent remake)

Monkeys are great

Scouse Doris said...

Sorry Joliet but I have tagged you

Tippler said...

They do have a sense of humour those Aussies, eh?

SpanishGoth said...

Aw - poor skippy. I'll buy you some Coco Pops when you get back to the right side of the world.

Promise they'll turn the milk chocolatey too ;-)

JolietJake said...

Doris : there was no need for that. I'll do it if that's what you want but don't blame me if you get in trouble

tippler : the expression "arse end of no-where" comes from Oz. When they talk about New Zealand.

Spanish : I'm back but don't bother, I only eat coco pops in the southern hemisphere. Etiquette my dear man, etiquette.