Monday, 17 November 2008

Syndromaphobia

Now that we've discovered some people are no longer able to differentiate thirst from hunger we can say we havea major new syndrome / disorder in the works. This one will excuse fat people from being fat. It's only fair because lazy people can claim SAD in winter (like me, I claim it all year round because I live in Belgium) and people who are just uninterested, disruptive and annoying have all manner of hyper-activity disorders to claim.

We'll call it Thirst Incapacity Topsyturviness, like all good psychobabble the name doesn't actually mean anything – it's a double negative. In the old days "topsyturviness" was a proper medical term, even before "medicine" was a medical term.

Only things with catchy headline-able names are getting anywhere today, like SAD and Credit Crunch. I really object to the term Credit Crunch, that makes it sound like an outside factor, like an earthquake or hurricane. What we should call it is "the banks and governments ripped us off again, bastards".

What I also really object to is the objectifying nature of disorders and syndromes. I've had Trauma Therapy and I'm convinced I'd still be doing it if I just kept turning up every week, but I didn't. I decided the therapist had done a good job and it was time to get on with my life, otherwise I would have become addicted to therapy. You can actually get treatment for being addicted to therapy, obviously.

But the problem now is I have an aversion to syndromes, disorders and phobias. I've turned into one of those people that tells manic depressives to "pull yourself together" or pushes claustrophics into elevators "face your fear, defeat it once and for all".

I'm a Syndrome-ist, or Anti-Disorder-er, I don't what I am but I'm pretty sure I've got Syndromaphobia. I'm completely snookered, it's the nature of the illness that I can't seek help or admit to having it. I deny the existance of all Syndromes, Disorders and Phobias, incluing this one. I shouldn't even be writing this, especially if there's a risk a hypochondriac my read it, then he'd get it and he wouldn't be able to get treatment either. We can't even form a self help group.

Once this get's out it's going to be worse than the obesity epidemic. I narrowly avoied that one.

Jeeese Louise have you seen what's on tv....they're not shy are they?

JJ

3 comments:

SpanishGoth said...

So you will be upgrading the Merc for a Reliant Robin?

Not possible - you're living in the posh part of Belgium now.

We don't have rain here - it's 'inclement weather'

zoe said...

I suffer from weepiness but then I am a woman and it is that time of the month where all women are allowed to suffer from whatever they like - and men better let them. Or else.

Joliet Jake said...

Goth: I wanted a bat-mobile but I was overruled as usual

Zoe: Existence is suffering, you and the Buddha would get on well. I was telling him about you yesterday, no wait it was more like 10,000 years ago, time flies when you're immortal