Who want's to see the Prime Minister on You Tube? No one.
I want to have a nice day, some sun, sit in the garden, have a beer. Do I care if monkey-bollocks went to Poland for a dick-slapping session about inter-governmental pigs-nipples?
I saw a piece on TV about the sad demise of Morris Dancing in Angleterre, is it my imagination or do they run the same piece every 10 years? Why don't they get money from the lottery like the opera mob? Don't tell me it's because Morris Dancers have no secret connections, the Lottery Fund distribution is done on a needs assesment basis for the betterment of all. Charities can't be corrupt. Ok, except that time Winston Churchill got £13 million to buy his grandad's diaries. They never did explain that one. Let's just try to forget it now, look at the tits on page three.
Actually, the only time I've wanted to see politicians on tv at all is when they've been caught lining their own pockets and have to explain their actions. How to explain the unexplainable to an audience who already thinks of you as a weasel, if nothing else it's an object lesson in creative speaking under pressure.
All of this is real:
"The rules aren't very clear so I claimed for everything and bought a new house just to be sure I was doing it properly"
"Well you tell me where I can get a moat cleaner for under £1500?"
"£1672 is exactly what it costs to build a duck island, the expenses committee approved it so it's completely within the rules. I fail to see the problem. "
"Of course I live with my wife and we are both MP's but the rules state each MP must buy a second house, so we bought two between us"
"I claimed for food only in the second house, not at my first house, it's a cheap shot to say I can only physically eat one dinner"
"Yes I continued claiming for the mortgage for two years after it was paid off, it was mistake. The place was awash with money we didn't have time to go into all the details"
"Obviously David Cameron is squeaky clean, he doesn't claim expenses, he gets £70,000 bonus for being leader of the opposition"
Isn't it a bit galling that the leader of the losers gets an extra seventy grand a year on top of his MP's salary? The same leader of the losers who was telling us last month how banks ruined the economy with their fat-cat bonuses?
Still, the bankers must be secretly thanking whoever blew the whistle on MP's expenses, certainly took the spotlight away from them. Could there be a connection? Surely not, that would mean that all rich people are more or less in cohoots to avoid any sort of justice. Frankly I'm not prepared to believe that of Michael Jackson and it's about time we stopped bashing middle class white men like this.
Ok, let's not be hasty. It was obviously David Cameron who blew the whistle on the expenses. He has nothing to lose, he can now get rid of some Tories he doesn't like and have real good go at Labour. That's why the news was leaked over several days and the first few days covered labour MP's only. They suffered the most damage. Cameron is an utter, utter weasel, he must win the next election, all the press will support him now.
There are three winners in this game; David Cameron, The Telegraph Newspaper and The Thieving Bankers. An unholy trinity if ever I saw one.