Friday, 29 May 2009


King Jigme Khesar Namgyel Wangchuck, 28, an Oxford-educated bachelor, is the world's youngest monarch. The king of Bhutan no less. Makes you think doesn't it? Old Prince Charles just turned Sixty. He's going to have to give her a nudge down the stairs or he'll be the first Pensioner Prince and the first Pensioner King.

It's rotten luck though, she's had almost sixty years on the throne, if he's going to do that he'll have to live to be a hundred and fifty at this rate. Better start eating sushi Monsieur PP. But really, a sixty year old Prince? I ask you ladies if you've ever dreamed of being whisked off your feet by a Prince Charming on his white horse, how would you feel if this idiot turned up? "Is this monstrous carbuncle your house? What does your father do?" Hardly the pinnacle of romance is it?

Did you see that program about the Class system with John Prescott? Harping on about how he's still working class and old Tony's crowd never invited him to dinner because of his accent. Then he's in a cafe asking some fella his opinions on class and starts having a row with him! I'm not bleedin' surprised Tony never asked you to dinner mate, I wouldn't either and it's not because of your class or accent it's because you are a f*cking vulgar yob. He's still proud of himself for punching that bloke who threw an egg at him, he said so. The expression "chip on shoulder" doesn't even begin to describe "two jags" Prescott, more like a full portion of fish, chips and mushy peas with gravy on both shoulders.

In these crunchy times of fiscal probity should we really be having a 12 billion pound Olympic Games in London? I can still remember the terse letter from my bank manager saying "I am surprised you feel able to cash a fifty pound cheque at Thresher", Thresher being a liquor shop, it was the only place that would give cash against a cheque, I didn't buy fity quid of booze even though I was a student, I just needed the cash. But isn't this the same thing? It's buying a round of drinks on a slate, I'm not impressed. I'll watch it but I won't like it, I'm partly British after all.

Unlike Joanna Lumley, she's partly Indian. Now she's going to help write the policy on Gherkins because she was slinky actress once. She still is. Hmmmmm....

Errrmmm, planning any holidays? We might go to America. The problem with America is though they want our semen and DNA samples before we get into the country. I can just imaging that they take a sample and start accusing me of all sorts of monkey business. Who's going to take my semen sample anyway? Will we have a drink first? or dinner? I'm not juicing up for a rubber glove and a copy of Penthouse. Not again.

The only possible objection to governments keeping DNA records is that governments are shit at keeping any sort of data. Especially the Brits at the moment. This is why "if you're innocent you have nothing to worry about" is complete hogwash. Innocent people should be scared fucking shitless of giving their DNA to a government agency, it's just a matter of time before they put you in jail for something you didn't do. Something they did, most likely.

Anyway, that's that and this is me saying Goodnight.



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