Thursday, 19 February 2009

Polygamists Weekly

The problem with Polygamy is that all men want to do it and no women do. Why the hell do they still have a weekly magazine? I really don't understand how these ridiculously one-sided ideas survive. Ok, I know some women do it, but those are the types who get excited when they see a three legged cat. Who want's to marry six of those?

What are the bigamists thinking at this stage? We'll get more interest if we start a magazine? How can they afford it? I have one girlfriend, no wives and a house. There is no way I can afford to fund a magazine about anything. How will a bigamist, with two wives, have that sort of disposable income? How do polygamists keep their magazine going? Because I don't think the regular people are buying it. I'm not. When I get my Badger Managers Monthly in the mailbox, she notices, "how much is that?", "when will you read it?" etc. What the fuck is she going to say if I get the Polygamists Weekly?

Can you imagine the classifieds "man with own teeth and sense of humour seeks six to eight women, preferably unrelated. Or nearest offer.". What about the horoscopes, "you will meet between three and nine potential partners today and if there's any time left you'll travel and win some money or a dental plan. But there really isn't enough time in the day for you to meet a long lost friend or relative, sorry." How does it work when you go to disneyland with a family ticket? "nine adults and seventeen children please, they're all under eleven, I mean the children".

In the end it's like all of those great ideas we have in the pub. Yeah polygamy sounds brilliant when it's me and five Super Models on a yacht, but the reality is me and a bunch of amateur boxers trying to sneak into to a theme park for our once-every-ten years holiday.





Gorilla Bananas said...

Some females see it as an advantage. They get a piece of an alpha male and live-in girl friends to gossip with. You've just got to sell yourself as an alpha male.

Leni Qinan said...

And carry a lot of money in your pocket. Poor alpha males don't get females.

Leni Qinan said...

get no females, sorry. GRRRR...

Joliet Jake said...

GB: I'm not sure anyone's going to buy that but the live-in gossips is good selling point, they will like that

Leni: it's interesting women always say they aren't attracted to money but when I ask how to attract Other women, it's always money. but you were right the first time "don't get females", the extra "no" is redundant unless you are Mick Jagger singing about Satisfaction, then it's the opposite of redundant by about 50 squillion pounds

Joliet Jake said...

there was also the Jerry Seinfeld (Elaine) line : "I haven't had sex for three days and I don't know no Portuguese"