KickBladder 2 - Weiner Shitzel

The thing about KickBladder is it is very not like skiing, hence the Austrians have followed their Swiss friends in losing their opening game. Austria lost nil one to Croatia, shortly afterwards a couple of Poles helped Germany to beat Poland mercilessly, two nil.

The German system of passport issuance is very not like the English, anyone anywhere born of German parents is entitled to a German Passport. Conversely, hundreds of thousands of people born in Germany are not entitled to a passport because their parents came from Turkey. Hence, two chaps from Poland are playing up front for Germany and one of them scored two goals. The Polish don't like Germans much and this isn't going to help change their minds, it's not going to help them win anything either.

On top of that we've got yet more evidence that the French cannot make breakfast, which is why they always start so poorly. Nil nil against Romania is bread and jam for breakfast, no thanks. All that culinary prowess and they can't even boil an egg. You'll never convice me the Eiffel isn't a copy of the Blackpool tower, especially after that dismal performance, they simply don't have the creativity, it's a plain as the nose on Jacques Chirac's face (and almost as big).

Which brings us summarily to the Italians, one day they will have to concede that they are not as good looking as they think they are. Nice clothes and shoes but once you get beyond that, they're just like you and me. What's more, now that we are all global and everything we can safely say that Italian cuisine is lagging behind a whole raft of Asian countries, so that's not very good either. In the finish, a well deserved three nil to an otherwise temperamental and annoyingly smug cheese eating Dutch eleven. Is it just me or is the Dutch sense of humour actually a level BELOW Benny Hill?

All in all I think it's safe to say this KickBladder competition is a marvellous oppotunity to bitch and gripe about everything in Europe, it must be rubbish because we're not in it. Principally because that useless git Steve MacLaren did a better of job of getting us out of Europe than The Iron Lady herself.

I wonder how she is after all these years? I can just imagine Margaret at the Top Rank Bingo "You put your balls back in your bag, I'll decide when it's House!". I bet she goes to Mallorca on holiday too "Egg and Chips and a glass of stout if you don't mind, I'll have none of that octopus bollocks and mind your quotas!". She's allways shouting, even on holiday. It's difficult to be around people who are always shouting, it puts the others on edge.

There will be more hissing, booing and cheers during tonights performances but I won't see them because I'll be at the Ancienne Belgique with Queensryche. I missed them the first time round and it seems about time to start my mid-life crisis, if anything I'm late. The problem with trying to re-live my youth is I can't remember half of it and the bits I can remember I just don't have the energy for. I think I've finally run out of hormones, on the plus side I can start using my brain to run my life now which should be a good thing but it does seem rather complicated.

I suppose I'll get used to it. There will always be bank holiday weekends at Knokke, chips with mayonnaise and raw onions, tea with lemon. I explained the term "gut rot" to a Belgian friend the other day, I haven't seen him since, he even skipped golf on Sunday which is very unlike him. Now that I think of it, he is a touch hypochondriatic, perhaps I shouldn't have said anything... ;)

Ciao,

JJ