Monday, 22 October 2007

Don't Take Your Coat Off!

Continuing work on number 6 of my list:

Imagine if once a month you had to work from a different office for a week, the company hires people to move all your stuff 428 kilometres and you go along with it. This is what the European Parliament does. One week of every month they work out of Strasbourg. It goes without saying this horseshit could only happen in France. But why? oh why is it so? I hear you cry, well I'll tell you A Short Story:

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A Short Story:

A long time ago a bunch of old men sat in room and said "OK we've got our shiny new You-are-Peeing Union, where shall we put the Headquarters with the swivelly chairs and new desks, all of which costs money?" and the reply came in chorus "not in my country, it's just unneccessary costs and overhead". Then, after much consternations had happened the old men decided to give free money to the country which would house the Headquarters which would be called "Brussels" because that's French for "burocracy with chips and mayonnaise".

The Belgian old man leaped into the air and cried "I'll take it! We can put it in the city which is also called Brussels and finally our Brussels will have second tourist attraction. That stone boy peeing in a fountain was funny in the beginning but it's wearing a bit thin now" and they all agreed but added "it's not supposed to be a tourist attraction! It has to serve purpose you bloody idiot!", the Belgian old man said "Ok I'll do it your way, when do I get my money?" that remark also wasn't very well received and the other old men decided that the Belgian old man was "a little odd" and they made a note of that for later.

While they were all thinking "How the fuck did the Belgians conquer the Congo? It staggers belief!" the French old man said "errmm... how much money exactly? for this errr Brussels thing?" then much more consternations started happening and eventually the French old man said "I'm going to have another Brussels in Strasbourg and get the same amount of free money" the others replied in chorus "OH NO! we've gone from having no costs and overheads to having two lots of costs and overheads plus all the travelling in between, YOU BLOCKHEAD!", "but surely you can see that if we have more Brussels's we will have more democracy, the logic is irrefutable!" replied the Frenchie, the Luxembourger said "Horseshit, you just want free money!", the German old man said "Don't make me come over there!". Then it went quiet for a bit until the Italian old man said "why is everyone scared of him? he lost both wars" and then there was tense silence as the gathering came to a realisation, "OH NO! we've formed a You-are-Peeing Union of losers! WE'RE ALL BLOCKHEADS!"

Some time later they realised they needed a British old man in the Union to give it some credibility, they got one, but it was a British old woman who said to them one day "shut your trap Frenchie, this a big fat waste of money and I want a rebate". Nobody expected that to work becuse the old men had to vote on it first, but amazingly they all voted in favour. So, in summary, they all agreed it was a waste of money but they carried on regardless.

The End (?)

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It got a bit lairy towards The End but the point of the story was to explain why there are two Parliaments that between them just do the job of one.

This moving back and forth nonsense was highlighted by our good old friends Sinn Fein in AD2006, when they pointed out this carry on costs at least 190 million Euro annually. As if that wasn't enough, the city of Strasbourg has been overcharging the European Parliament by 2.7 million Euro per year for 25 years. So as of 2006:

Total money wasted in France 4,750 million

Additional amount stolen by overcharging Frenchies: 67.5 million

Why isn't the EU sorting this out? Isn't it embarrassing? What's the Commission's opinion? Why don't the European Council debate this properly and fix it? Why aren't the national leaders bringing this to their debates about Europe? Because they're all a bunch self-serving fops. If one of them starts pointing the finger they'll all turn on each other and starting saving money everywhere, no more porkular expense claims for any of them! Disaster!

You might think this an odd way to go about becoming MEP - attacking the institution itself - well I'm not attacking the institution (today) I'm attacking the pigs that line up in front of the troughs filled with our hard earned cash. More people should be complaining about this flagrant waste of money by the Frenchies, it has to end.

See, I'm protecting you, The Beautiful People, from politits and bowlercrats, huzaahh!! Vote for JJ!

JJ

10 comments:

JolietJake said...

First! (and probably last)

As an about turn in policy I've decided not to attack people who make anonymous comments any more.

Just wanted to clear that up.

SpanishGoth said...

Second - for no reason

Ooooohh - aren't we in an arsey mood about Strasbourg just because your girlfriend has to bugger off there every so often without you

(and you forgot the Atomium-us thingus, big bollocks doofer, as a reason to visit Bruxelles)

Anonymous said...

And what the fuck is wrong with making anon and his mouse comments?

asked the Spanish Goth
*in a slightly devious and underhand sort of fashion*

JolietJake said...

SG: girlfriend works in the commission not in parliament you silly boy

The Atomium was built in 1958, the parliament was built in 1952, it wouldn't have made sense.

Anon: point being I'm in favour of it now, do try and keep up

Drama Queen said...

Last. . . !

Ah haha!

MKWM said...

(certainly not last when you can have the final word, JJ)

You made me laugh again with "You-are-Peeing Union" and "politits", to quote but a few. You do have my vote!

All in all, there must be much more money wasted, something like zillions. Anyway, should the moving back and forth nonsense ever stop, the Frenchies will want something else in compensation. And what could that be, JJ, I ask you.

Meantime, the EP's cantine is accessible before 1.30 pm when they bugger off, I must admit I do enjoy that very much!!

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Only Sinn Fein would have the clout to point it out - I mean, nobody's going to argue with them are they? Come to think of it, why doesn't Barb simply follow up and send the boys down to "sort out" Strasbourg?

JolietJake said...

dq: thanks for that comment, well they all count in the end

minky: compensation?? I'll take daffers advice and give them what they deserve, a fat lip and a thick ear courtesy of The Boys.

daphne: like your thinking, but I don't really want to get involved with those chaps, it's not that i'm scared I just can't understand their bloody accents. I wonder what Prescot's up to these days, it's always useful to have a deputy to fetch the sarnies and slap a few Frenchies about. I bet he could write a cracking constitution too...

zoe said...

i do like the word 'politits' - it's rather good.

strasbourg week - fucking pain in the neck. all meetings, seminars, conferences have to rotate around bloody strasbourg week.

thanks for the button!

JolietJake said...

I know it's difficult dear but there's no need for that language.

But language is a tricky business in the you-are-peeing union, could be because no-one wants to state the glaringly obvious solution. Hmmm... i'll give it some thought