Tuesday, 10 April 2007

Stay still for a second!

I was in a stationary store on saturday, they sell stationery there, so I took the opportunity to buy a huge mouse-mat styled world map for my desk/dining table. The problem is the table's white and my optical mouse won't work on it, the pointer jumps around like a flea on speed.

Sadly, my cunning plan failed miserably, the mouse doesn't work too well on that either. It's ok around China/India and Pacific rim plus Australia but useless in Russia or any stretch of water. Europe and Africa are a bit dodgy but America works well (north and south). That's somehow a vague allegory to my disposition towards those regions too. Oh bugger off with your America bashing, there are few countries in Europe that haven't invaded/exploited and generally trashed cultures everywhere. That doesn't make it ok but at least there's one thing in the world that makes the tin-pot (oil rich) dictators think twice.

And as for all those evil tyrants who don't have any oil or mineral reserves, you'd better hope there's nothing under your patio or the yanks'll find it, and then you're screwed. (I mean "yanks" in the Duke's of Hazard sense of course, nice friendly good looking hill-billy moonshine runners).

Talking of which, when I was in a band our drummer used brew to his own hooch and grow weed in his attic. Seeing the tenderness of man tending flora I thought I should try my hand at horticulture. So, my then girfriend bought me a lovely little flowery plant to put in a pot. The post mortem revealed "you're supposed to take the plastic off the roots before you put it in the pot you bloody idiot!!" I assumed the plastic was bio-degradeable, why the hell would anyone put polyeurothane around a plants roots? You might as well shoot the bugger with a twelve gauge, actually that would be more fun.

Needless to say, when mum asked me to help around the garden my sole contribution was to hire a gardner. In the meantime I'm re-habilitating myself by looking after girlfriend's plethora of useless idle sneering greenery whenever she's away, I even talk to the sods, and the plants. They're all miraculously still alive, though I'd glady strangle that thorny ungrateful bush that lives in the loft (f**k know's what it's called but I've got a few names for it). You can make your own references to thorny ungrateful bushes there, ex-wives\husbands included.

The next day I went to the market in my jeans and nothing but a denim jacket on top, I bought a t-shirt and calmly put it on before I went to the pub. I hadn't done any washing for two weeks. That was eleven 0'clock, thirteen years ago, obviously "I was a completely different person back then" (quote: Natural Born Killers)

"haaahaar, ha ha ah ah, raahaaah" - that's my palindromic laugh, I've been working on that for almost a week, it works in hindi and punjabi too.

Thank you for listening, goodnight!

JJ

18 comments:

MKWM said...

I like the palindromic laugh, will try to remember that when the alarm goes off in a couple of hours.

(Had the time to read your comment a while ago. Spring cleaning done, btw).

JolietJake said...

(bugger!)

Drama Queen said...

STILL being shunned from the blog list. What have I done to offend you?

*sits in the corner and sulks*

MKWM said...

Aw DQ, don't be so childish. For instance, I'm not on Tippler's blogroll although I've been commenting since the very beginning, but I've never complained nor asked to be included, it doesn't make any difference, really.

(Now I'm intrigued, JJ!)

Drama Queen said...

Shucks MKWM. Did I just get told off?

I was only 'aving a laugh.

Don't pretend you don't expect the drama.

On another note I have finally update my luscious linkage of love. Totally unaided. Wohoo!

Sorry for my spoilt childishness. Its all a persona really.

*hangs head in shame and waits for Minky to slap her wrists. . . .Again*

MKWM said...

*Done...*
Now do not let us turn JJ's blog into a forum.
*Done... Again*

(t)horny ungrateful bushes... Trust me, JJ, I'd better shut up on this one.

Drama Queen said...

Forums are compliments, JJ. I maintain that stand point no matter how much Minky beats me. Its means you provoked us into talking. Gotta be good.

I'll go now. I feel like I am gate crashing on date with my parents.

*DQ ducks as MK throws her slippers at her*

MKWM said...

I'm not wearing slippers in office (I wish). However, luckily for you, my shoes are flat today ;-)

JJ provoked us into talking, which is indeed very good, as long as we keep it topic related. We can do our own chitchat somewhere else and in private, can't we?

JolietJake said...

ladies! please.

Unfortunately, the sad and pityful truth is I thought I had added DQ to my list, twice. It's more likely blundering incompetence that any high brow attempt a provoking a debate. I have been reading, and enjoying "adventures...", regularly.

I haven't actually checked all of my neighbours rolls to see if they've honoured me. However, the rolls are good place to find new stuff and it it's cheering to find my name there sometimes. I think I'd be happier though, if thought my listing was on merit rather than "well you did me so i'll do you".

Now then, "gatecrashing on a date with my parents" ???? for that you shall remain shunned. I'll catch up with your blog tonight and decide if there's any merit ;-)

JJ

Drama Queen said...

*auch* JJ. I was just messing with you both. . .

I am really not so hung up on the blogroll thing, at all. I like the small group of people I visit (and I include you). I hate expanding my blogroll, then, God forbid, I have to find time to read them all.

As for the whole keep them comments on the post thing. Most of the time I won’t do that. Mainly because, sometimes, I skim posts but like the author to know I read and will return when I have more time to read it all.

My opinion is that in blogging, and life, you make your own rules.

Minky’s tried and overworked I think.

Anyway, glad to see you settling in to blogging. Blogging is very serious for some people but I could kill my blog tomorrow and know I would be ok. Maybe. I hope anyway.

Drama Queen said...

tried? Well guess she's done that too but I did mean tired. . .

JolietJake said...

no she hasn't, we're just friends

MKWM said...

JJ, as if six were not enough, now there are NINE lines... so far.
Needless to say I'm laughing my head off.

MKWM said...

Update: now laughing to tears.

JolietJake said...

minky, what nine lines? what laughing? You female types never cease to confound me.

what's that "(t)horny ungrateful bushes" too?, you've never met my ex-wife.

JolietJake said...

oooohhhhh, I got it, thought I was quick but you seem to be watching me like a hawk.

well maybe not a hawk, but at least some kind of sultry brown feathered bird with a raucous sense of ordacity

MKWM said...

Update: now it is 7 + 4 in bold and up high on a pedestal, perfect.
I just happened to be at the right place, at the right moment, witnessing the changes, which made me laugh more and more each time they occured.

No, I haven't met your ex-wife, and you haven't met my ungrateful (ex-)husband. I'm glad to be out and far away of the thorny bushes.

JolietJake said...

obviously I meant audacity not ordacity, I was making a longvoluted jape at the voracious one.

I'm also glad to be out of the thorny bushes and glad to be in a place where the bushes are much more fluffy altogether.

JJ