This week, I are mostly been learning about gardening, it's that green thing behind the house, didn't have one before. In the previous place I mean, obviously this house always had a garden. Well, it's not obvious from the front but that's the question about a tree falling in the forest and not making a sound. I mean I haven't seen the enging in my car but I'm pretty sure it's got one.
But back to the garden, it is green so that's already a good start. It's got grass, a tree and lot's of little things that could be shrubs, bushes or just plants, I'm not that clear on the technical terms. The previous tennant didn't put names on anything, bugger, so I'm going to have to give them new names. There's a prickly one I'm going to call Rosey because roses have thorns but I was never really sure whether they put the thorns on in the factory or if they are born like that.
That's as far as I've got. There's a nifty electrial lawnmower which is quite noisy so that's fun, I'll be doing that a lot. I wanted a ho to get between the bushes with but I couldn't find one in the garden section of Brico. Insead I bought a poisonous chemical, some gloves and a spikey diggy thing - not quite sure what its for but it looks like it could cause a nasty injury so it must be something to do with gardening.
There was already some equipment here so I've been trimming the bushes, they were getting a bit, well, bushy.
I've already got a baseball hat so now I just need a six pack and a barbecue and that should be it. I can invite The Germans round for dinner al fresco, we had a chat about money today. Not a financial discussion, we were talking about the slang terms for money, we say 25 quid is a "pony", 500 quid is a "monkey" etc The Germans are not that creative with their slang, they have some but it's more on the level of "fiver" for five poinds. So a funfzig note would be called a "fufi" and a hundert is a "huni". We've had better conversations.
Language is funny anyway, even before you start talking pony. What's the language of diplomacy? They talk about it on the tv but they don't say which language it really is. Some people say French is the language of love, garbage, Hindi is the language of love, I know, I can speak both, a little. When I was a school they explained diplomacy like this; "talk quietly but carry a big stick", but that was during the cold war. The big stick was supposed to be a nuclear weapon I think but at that age all could think of was "penis".
Not much has changed, the cold war had cooled off but now that rascal gasPutin is stirring the pot again. And I'm mixing metaphors in a pot so it must be getting late, sorry about that, next time I'll try take the pips out of my writing. "Writing" is a bit grandoise, what else can I call e-Penning? Maybe it's just word masturbation.
Bye then.
Bye.
It's finished, really. I know it's not a smooth finish but that's all I've got.
Goodnight!
JJ
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Monday, 11 May 2009
Kiss Off
This kissing business is just not making any sense at all. Isn't one enough? It's a kiss hello. Ok, one on each cheek, maybe the second one is their hello to you but three? Why repeat the first one? Isn't that like saying hello to someone, they say hello back and then you say hello again?
But even that I can manage if it's with a complete stranger, it's just kissing. But when it's friends, someone I've known for a long time, it's too much. There are feelings behind any contact, especially that one, and not always good feelings. But if they are good feelings, that's not good.
And those guys who do it, the southern Europeans mostly, that's just not happening. Not two or one. None. Hello and a handshake is all the contact I need with a man.
I often introduce myself as English and I see people stopping short of the kiss hello, it's an uncomfortable moment but frankly it's better than the option. Nothing personal, it's not you it's me.
It is interesting how quickly people make these judgements, "English, no kiss", "Indian, karma sutra eerrrm... best be careful". I have been told before that I am associated with the Karma Sutra simply for having an Indian background. In reality I am very uncomfortable even kissing cheeks.
So where does that leave us? Stop importing continental culture, I don't mean yoghurt, I mean habits. You can't trust people who don't eat a proper breakfast. Ok, I have Pepsi Max for breakfast and I live on the continent but that's not the point. The whole isn't the sum of the parts, the people are still the people even if one lives in Belgium.
I didn't want to live in Belgium, who ever thinks of migrating to Belgium? I thought Australia or Western USA but extraneous circumstances happened to me and now I'm here. I'm not crying, I'm just saying I could have learned to surf and had a barbie cruising the strip or whatever it is.
We have got a loverly garden though. More about that soon.
JJ
But even that I can manage if it's with a complete stranger, it's just kissing. But when it's friends, someone I've known for a long time, it's too much. There are feelings behind any contact, especially that one, and not always good feelings. But if they are good feelings, that's not good.
And those guys who do it, the southern Europeans mostly, that's just not happening. Not two or one. None. Hello and a handshake is all the contact I need with a man.
I often introduce myself as English and I see people stopping short of the kiss hello, it's an uncomfortable moment but frankly it's better than the option. Nothing personal, it's not you it's me.
It is interesting how quickly people make these judgements, "English, no kiss", "Indian, karma sutra eerrrm... best be careful". I have been told before that I am associated with the Karma Sutra simply for having an Indian background. In reality I am very uncomfortable even kissing cheeks.
So where does that leave us? Stop importing continental culture, I don't mean yoghurt, I mean habits. You can't trust people who don't eat a proper breakfast. Ok, I have Pepsi Max for breakfast and I live on the continent but that's not the point. The whole isn't the sum of the parts, the people are still the people even if one lives in Belgium.
I didn't want to live in Belgium, who ever thinks of migrating to Belgium? I thought Australia or Western USA but extraneous circumstances happened to me and now I'm here. I'm not crying, I'm just saying I could have learned to surf and had a barbie cruising the strip or whatever it is.
We have got a loverly garden though. More about that soon.
JJ
Friday, 8 May 2009
Cheap DNA Scanners
Why does the word Autumn, have an "n" at the end? Why does "psycho" start with a pee? Why can't we correct these obvious mistakes?
Because language is sacrosanct. That's means you can't change it because "we" won't allow it. There's an unwritten code that as society advances and discovers new advanced things we will keep certain rubishy old things and call it our heritage.
In Iceland they stayed out of the Eurozone and staunchly protected their currency as their Soveriegn Right. Now, their banks have collapsed, their Soveriegn Right is worth fuck-all and they want to join the Eurozone. Denied. Countries with shit loads of debt aren't allowed in (except Italy and Greece). Should have joined when you were doing well and you wouldn't be screwed now.
Is this what it's going to take to make England join the Eurozone? Yes it is. That's all there is to it. You know full well that as soon as the Euro overtakes the Pound all of those macho sovereign posturing media types will be blaming the govevernment for not joining the Euro "when we had it good".
The government knows that it's irrelevant, it's just a trump card. The next time England hits serious finincial problems they'll say "let's join the Euro, that was my idea, I thought of it because I put the country first and I'm in touch with the people".
I can buy Cheddar and HP sauce in Brussels, HP Sauce is made in Holland anyway, they moved last year. They kept the picture of Big Ben on the lable though. The recipe comes from India. Britain needs it's sauce factory but it should be called International Sauce instead of HP and the picture should be an artists sketch of the Solar System.
Why don't we just sack all the politicians and become a global society already? We can still have flags and songs and Olypmics and Football but why do we need these boring twats harping on day after day about the FooTSiE, the Hang Seng, a quarter point off interest rates, the pound against the dollar? Just wipe it all out, one global currency, no interest rates, no inflation, no exchange rates. Do we really need those things? You go to France for a day trip to get cheap fags and booze, swap your pounds for euros and swap euros for pounds on the way back. Isn't it rather pointless? Just use plastic, then there is no currency, you can still get fags and booze. If we used plastic for everything who would care or notice about pounds and euros?
Better still we have to make credit cards out of recycled paper, or even better use a dna scanner to identfy people and take money directly from the bank.
It won't be cheap, you might need a loan to buy a dna scanner.
JJ
Because language is sacrosanct. That's means you can't change it because "we" won't allow it. There's an unwritten code that as society advances and discovers new advanced things we will keep certain rubishy old things and call it our heritage.
In Iceland they stayed out of the Eurozone and staunchly protected their currency as their Soveriegn Right. Now, their banks have collapsed, their Soveriegn Right is worth fuck-all and they want to join the Eurozone. Denied. Countries with shit loads of debt aren't allowed in (except Italy and Greece). Should have joined when you were doing well and you wouldn't be screwed now.
Is this what it's going to take to make England join the Eurozone? Yes it is. That's all there is to it. You know full well that as soon as the Euro overtakes the Pound all of those macho sovereign posturing media types will be blaming the govevernment for not joining the Euro "when we had it good".
The government knows that it's irrelevant, it's just a trump card. The next time England hits serious finincial problems they'll say "let's join the Euro, that was my idea, I thought of it because I put the country first and I'm in touch with the people".
I can buy Cheddar and HP sauce in Brussels, HP Sauce is made in Holland anyway, they moved last year. They kept the picture of Big Ben on the lable though. The recipe comes from India. Britain needs it's sauce factory but it should be called International Sauce instead of HP and the picture should be an artists sketch of the Solar System.
Why don't we just sack all the politicians and become a global society already? We can still have flags and songs and Olypmics and Football but why do we need these boring twats harping on day after day about the FooTSiE, the Hang Seng, a quarter point off interest rates, the pound against the dollar? Just wipe it all out, one global currency, no interest rates, no inflation, no exchange rates. Do we really need those things? You go to France for a day trip to get cheap fags and booze, swap your pounds for euros and swap euros for pounds on the way back. Isn't it rather pointless? Just use plastic, then there is no currency, you can still get fags and booze. If we used plastic for everything who would care or notice about pounds and euros?
Better still we have to make credit cards out of recycled paper, or even better use a dna scanner to identfy people and take money directly from the bank.
It won't be cheap, you might need a loan to buy a dna scanner.
JJ
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
Famous Last Words
"Dear Valued Customer, In order to improve on the already fantastic service we provide, we moved the helpdesk to a shed in India…"
Banks have been increasing profits and laying people off for years with mergers and acquisitions, barely a season goes by when they don't introduce another great service or product, or announce bigger than ever profits. Until now. Suddenly these bastions of monetarism have been bought by governments to keep them alive.
In the long run then, shouldn't we have left them in government control? Protected the workers rather than the CEO's?
In every story about bankers today there are least 3 "sirs" and 2 "lords" apologising, resigning and forfeiting multi-million pound bonuses. Fortunately for them they've been pocketing the same bonuses for years so they can afford to skip one. It's a nice gesture though, it shows how much they care about ordinary people who are jobless and homeless now and don't have a penny savings but mountains of debt thanks that wonderful "c", Consumerism. Their advice to us is, "you must spend more money to get out of the recession".
We are in the middle of a financial catastrophe, so the best thing is to spend more money. I keep mulling this one over, I just don't get it. They average debt per person in UK is 12,000 pounds, that's why they need to spend more money. Is this a good system? Does it work? Is it good for us? The early eighties saw huge recession, massive job-losses which were all needed to stabilize the economy. Thirty years later we're standing in the biggest shit-pile since The Ark finally hit land. So, shall we keep on with this system? Is it working? You know, I really can't tell, I'm just not qualified in these highly complex financial matters, is there a "sir" or a "lord" nearby?
Sir James Crosby resigned from the FSA. Most people only resign if something serious kicks off and they are forced to, but this guy did it for the good of the financial sector. He was careful to stress that this had nothing with allegations that Paul Moore was now saying "see, I told you" apparently Paul was sacked three years ago after he told Sir James that the banks were stealing money without check. Paul still isn't a "sir", he never will be. If he wanted to be a "sir" he would have traded his information for a promotion and a bonus. But he didn't, he spoke out and lost his job. He would never have been seen again except now that the banks have collapsed people are saying "remember that fella who said this would happen? Why didn't we listen to him instead of this idiot Crosby?".
Oh, is it improper to call a "sir" an idiot? Yes it is, and it should be, but "sir"'s should not behave like this, "sirs"'s should be sent back down the ranks for this. That would be the proper thing to do, otherwise it just promotes the idea that "sir"'s only get their titles by nefarious means and will do anything, no matter how dishonourable, to keep those titles. If that's even half true then we might as well stop wearing wigs in court. I don't want to be melodramatic but I think it really is that serious. Why is it so difficult to tackle institutionalised fraud, theft, racism, sexism, cronyism? Same for taxes, isn't there one single person in the entire civil service whose bonus depends on how much the tax burden is reduced? It seems not. Start a new project, have another party, print another two hundred t-shirts, collect your bonus, pass go and just throw the dice again, there's no harm done.
I was being sarcastic.
JJ
Banks have been increasing profits and laying people off for years with mergers and acquisitions, barely a season goes by when they don't introduce another great service or product, or announce bigger than ever profits. Until now. Suddenly these bastions of monetarism have been bought by governments to keep them alive.
In the long run then, shouldn't we have left them in government control? Protected the workers rather than the CEO's?
In every story about bankers today there are least 3 "sirs" and 2 "lords" apologising, resigning and forfeiting multi-million pound bonuses. Fortunately for them they've been pocketing the same bonuses for years so they can afford to skip one. It's a nice gesture though, it shows how much they care about ordinary people who are jobless and homeless now and don't have a penny savings but mountains of debt thanks that wonderful "c", Consumerism. Their advice to us is, "you must spend more money to get out of the recession".
We are in the middle of a financial catastrophe, so the best thing is to spend more money. I keep mulling this one over, I just don't get it. They average debt per person in UK is 12,000 pounds, that's why they need to spend more money. Is this a good system? Does it work? Is it good for us? The early eighties saw huge recession, massive job-losses which were all needed to stabilize the economy. Thirty years later we're standing in the biggest shit-pile since The Ark finally hit land. So, shall we keep on with this system? Is it working? You know, I really can't tell, I'm just not qualified in these highly complex financial matters, is there a "sir" or a "lord" nearby?
Sir James Crosby resigned from the FSA. Most people only resign if something serious kicks off and they are forced to, but this guy did it for the good of the financial sector. He was careful to stress that this had nothing with allegations that Paul Moore was now saying "see, I told you" apparently Paul was sacked three years ago after he told Sir James that the banks were stealing money without check. Paul still isn't a "sir", he never will be. If he wanted to be a "sir" he would have traded his information for a promotion and a bonus. But he didn't, he spoke out and lost his job. He would never have been seen again except now that the banks have collapsed people are saying "remember that fella who said this would happen? Why didn't we listen to him instead of this idiot Crosby?".
Oh, is it improper to call a "sir" an idiot? Yes it is, and it should be, but "sir"'s should not behave like this, "sirs"'s should be sent back down the ranks for this. That would be the proper thing to do, otherwise it just promotes the idea that "sir"'s only get their titles by nefarious means and will do anything, no matter how dishonourable, to keep those titles. If that's even half true then we might as well stop wearing wigs in court. I don't want to be melodramatic but I think it really is that serious. Why is it so difficult to tackle institutionalised fraud, theft, racism, sexism, cronyism? Same for taxes, isn't there one single person in the entire civil service whose bonus depends on how much the tax burden is reduced? It seems not. Start a new project, have another party, print another two hundred t-shirts, collect your bonus, pass go and just throw the dice again, there's no harm done.
I was being sarcastic.
JJ
Friday, 1 May 2009
Urban Poetry
This one is called: Warm Day
It stinks here,
Chewing gum and petrol,
My feet are too hot in these boots,
I want a cold drink but I've just had one,
I can't think,
Why is it so hot?
It's too hot here,
We can't cope with this heat,
This is a cold country,
Our dogs are barking all day,
Even our sex is shorter now,
I wish it was winter.
JJ
It stinks here,
Chewing gum and petrol,
My feet are too hot in these boots,
I want a cold drink but I've just had one,
I can't think,
Why is it so hot?
It's too hot here,
We can't cope with this heat,
This is a cold country,
Our dogs are barking all day,
Even our sex is shorter now,
I wish it was winter.
JJ
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