What Barack needs now it so have an affair with Angelina Jolie. Then she can sing Happy Birthday Mr President. Can she sing? Does someone know because I'd really like to know.
The thing is though it won't happen. JFK got away with it, even Bill Clinton got away with it but Barack won't. Because he's black. I think he would even win a second term if the economy didn't recover, I can imagine the media lining up to say "well it was Bush that messed it up, no-one could have saved that".
Ok, here's the cut, he'll get away with it if he has an affair with say, Halle Berry, or Beyonce but not Jolie, not Stefani. You see what I'm saying? Yeh we've made strides by having a black president but there's still something nasty in the woodshed.
But this is just half-arsed opinion, if I could use my whole arse I might make some money out of it. That's not how it sounds, I mean I could publish it but I don't have time to research it properly. I'm not ready to give up my day job on a whimsical fancy, I like my day job. I get to walk around in my suit and talk to people in foreign climes on a mobile phone while picking out the cod steaks for dinner. Did you know "foriegn" is an Indian word, my guess is that Hindi was the only language the English tried to learn from their colonies so they've assimilated a few words. Shampoo is another one, and so is Transcendentalism.
I did a baked cod in tomato juice with potatoes and Greek salad for dinner, went down very well with a sparkly white wine from Luxembourg. Sparkly isn't the same as Sparkling - that's like champagne. Sparkly is more subtle, like Italian Frizzante.
I'm growing my own herbs now; Basil, Radish, Spinach and Thyme. I've got some flowers going in a small trough too but I'm buggered if I can remember what they're called. Radish is a herb if you dry out the bulbs and grind them into a white powder, then you can put the powder in little bags and sell it to yuppies as cocaine. It makes their eyes glow red when they snort it, take a camera with you.
Seen that Nasa arsed up another shuttle launch. Congress are going to cut the space budget by 16%, what does that mean? It's not like saying "well we're a bit short of cash so we won't go to Miami for holidays this year we'll rent a caravan next to the canal". If you can't afford Mars then you are back at the Moon, say "Cheese".
Oh there was one odd bit of research to use here, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Look at the surname, Schwarz means Black and Negger means, well we aren't allowed to use that word. So, how does "Black Negger" come to be family name in Austria? Even if it's an old name and slavery was not a bad thing then, we still have to wonder who would take that as a name? Arnie Isn't black.
Barack is though, and I think he made the right speech about the banking system. He's making a lot of strong good sounding speeches. He must be making a lot of enemies too.
That's all I'm saying.
JJ
Monday, 22 June 2009
Friday, 19 June 2009
What I'm saying is...
Sand is shit. The Parrot Fish eats algae off coral. It has very hard beak like mouth which causes it to eat a lot of coral when it's trying to get the algae. It can't digest the coral, it just passes it out the back end, as sand. Sand comes out of the Parrot Fish's bot.
There is a popular myth in England that their National Dish, the Chicken Tikka Massala, was invented in Glasgow. Let's see, pick the odd one out here:
Fish & Chips
Deep Fried Mars Bar
Deep Fried Pizza
Chicken Tikka Massala with Rice and Naan
The last one isn't deep fried, that's a clue. And it's Indian food, that's another clue.
How many times have I heard the spaghetti bolognese isn't authentic Italian but invented by English students? About 87 times, it's hogwash of course.
Americans do it too; Pizza, Burgers, Hot Dogs, Music, Sport, Sex. Americans pursue all of these activities with relentless vigour and have somehow forged the idea that they invented them all. Loco Moco was invented in Hawaii but that's not really America, it's got too much culture to be America. If you must know Loco Moco is a hamburger and a fried egg on rice covered in gravy. Sounds damned good to me, I pretty sure I'll be trying that at home soon.
The Greeks are just as bad, they think they invented culture, pah! The Greek language is derived from Sanskrit which originated in India. Hence all Greek culture is a poor forgery of one original culure - Indian, which is much older and smarter. All the DNA's in the world can be traced back to China or India, there are two distinct groups, then back to Africa. And then to a couple of Aliens from the Sirius Binary Star System.
But that's all in the past, where's this culture thing going now? In Iceland, Rejkyavic to be precise, we saw a bunch of locals dressed in Blues Brothers gear having a convention at our hotel. In the hotel car park there was a row of American 60's and 70's cars. It's just fashion then? What used to be cool in America is now cool in Iceland, maybe one day American Football will only be played in Sweden and they'll say "why is it called American Football?", Texans will be eating Reindeer Steak and will have forgotten that their ancestors farmed cattle and Reindeer came from Lapland.
Does anyone know if there are terrorists in Lapland? Seems to me that "Lapland" should be a proper country, not jointly occupied by Sweden and Finland. Occupied places with "land" in their name are usually fertile breeding grounds for terrorists, except Palestine. Ok, are there any people in Lapland? Let's start from there.
According to our friend Wikipedia there are 168,000 Laplandices. That's a lot, they should be able to muster an army and raze Helsinki. I'd say about 10,000 soldiers could do it if they go on a Friday night when the natives are busy heaving in the gutters. Ok, any evening after about 5.30pm.
There's no such thing as alcoholism in Finland, it's like the old German joke "what do they call Frankfurters in Frankfurt? : Sausages". You see? Who is going to call who an alcoholic? It doesn't happen. Maybe "tine" is Arabic for "land", could be.
But back to food, I do love telling Italians that the Chinese invented pasta, no matter how many times you do it, it's hilarious every time, they wave their arms and shout and spit. The conversation moves into culture and then I'll claim that Spain is a what Italy would have become if they updated their buildings and stuff. Italians really look down on the Spanish. It's great fun also telling the Spanish that Italian is the real Mediterranean culture, set's them off every time. Spanish people really know how get angry, you should see it, beats the crap out of watching TV.
Right.
JJ
There is a popular myth in England that their National Dish, the Chicken Tikka Massala, was invented in Glasgow. Let's see, pick the odd one out here:
Fish & Chips
Deep Fried Mars Bar
Deep Fried Pizza
Chicken Tikka Massala with Rice and Naan
The last one isn't deep fried, that's a clue. And it's Indian food, that's another clue.
How many times have I heard the spaghetti bolognese isn't authentic Italian but invented by English students? About 87 times, it's hogwash of course.
Americans do it too; Pizza, Burgers, Hot Dogs, Music, Sport, Sex. Americans pursue all of these activities with relentless vigour and have somehow forged the idea that they invented them all. Loco Moco was invented in Hawaii but that's not really America, it's got too much culture to be America. If you must know Loco Moco is a hamburger and a fried egg on rice covered in gravy. Sounds damned good to me, I pretty sure I'll be trying that at home soon.
The Greeks are just as bad, they think they invented culture, pah! The Greek language is derived from Sanskrit which originated in India. Hence all Greek culture is a poor forgery of one original culure - Indian, which is much older and smarter. All the DNA's in the world can be traced back to China or India, there are two distinct groups, then back to Africa. And then to a couple of Aliens from the Sirius Binary Star System.
But that's all in the past, where's this culture thing going now? In Iceland, Rejkyavic to be precise, we saw a bunch of locals dressed in Blues Brothers gear having a convention at our hotel. In the hotel car park there was a row of American 60's and 70's cars. It's just fashion then? What used to be cool in America is now cool in Iceland, maybe one day American Football will only be played in Sweden and they'll say "why is it called American Football?", Texans will be eating Reindeer Steak and will have forgotten that their ancestors farmed cattle and Reindeer came from Lapland.
Does anyone know if there are terrorists in Lapland? Seems to me that "Lapland" should be a proper country, not jointly occupied by Sweden and Finland. Occupied places with "land" in their name are usually fertile breeding grounds for terrorists, except Palestine. Ok, are there any people in Lapland? Let's start from there.
According to our friend Wikipedia there are 168,000 Laplandices. That's a lot, they should be able to muster an army and raze Helsinki. I'd say about 10,000 soldiers could do it if they go on a Friday night when the natives are busy heaving in the gutters. Ok, any evening after about 5.30pm.
There's no such thing as alcoholism in Finland, it's like the old German joke "what do they call Frankfurters in Frankfurt? : Sausages". You see? Who is going to call who an alcoholic? It doesn't happen. Maybe "tine" is Arabic for "land", could be.
But back to food, I do love telling Italians that the Chinese invented pasta, no matter how many times you do it, it's hilarious every time, they wave their arms and shout and spit. The conversation moves into culture and then I'll claim that Spain is a what Italy would have become if they updated their buildings and stuff. Italians really look down on the Spanish. It's great fun also telling the Spanish that Italian is the real Mediterranean culture, set's them off every time. Spanish people really know how get angry, you should see it, beats the crap out of watching TV.
Right.
JJ
Monday, 15 June 2009
All for You
Friday.
I haven't wrote nothing for three weeks.
I've been publishing sure, but that was all my saved up stuff. Now I'm out, done, dry. I didn't even think of it until a couple of days ago, I thought I had loads of stuff in Draft that I could clean up and put out but no. It's all garbage, and most of it is months old, dated garbage.
I was in the office at 7am today for a conference call, then it was cancelled. Ok I lied, I was at home at 7am, I came to the office at 8. Because the call was cancelled. The dissapointing thing is that I quite like doing these calls at home in the morning in just my underwear, it brings the whole thing down to earth. Wearing clothes is the beginning of ego and pretence, according to JJ. Referring to oneself in the third person is quite something too.
We won the quiz again last night, more wine, more cheese and biscuits, another fucking candle. Keeps The Goth happy though, not the candle, he collects the baskets they give us for the goodies. I go more for the social than the quiz, having someone ask me questions and give me a prize is a bonus.
Malaysia was nice, did I post that? I can't remember, Bologna was pretty good too, we saw the Pallio, mad horse race thing in the village square in Ferrara. I bought a squillion euro worth of guitar gear last weekend; Overdrive, Octave Multiplexer, T-Rex Echo, Digitech Whammy, 4 track recorder. I'm going to get a DC brick and a rack this weekend because it looks a bit scattered with my Wah-Wah and Distortion in there too. And the electric drumkit, Marshall amp and monitor. Yeeeh, it's a bit over the top but what the fuck eh?
What else? I'm going to try to make my own Ragu tonight, we're going to a party tomorrow, guests next week (all week), then it's couleur cafe music fest.
Fuck it, if I get a minute over the weekend I'll see if can think of something to write here.
I hope you have a crap weekend and it rains non-stop. I know that I will because I live in Brussels.
JJ
I haven't wrote nothing for three weeks.
I've been publishing sure, but that was all my saved up stuff. Now I'm out, done, dry. I didn't even think of it until a couple of days ago, I thought I had loads of stuff in Draft that I could clean up and put out but no. It's all garbage, and most of it is months old, dated garbage.
I was in the office at 7am today for a conference call, then it was cancelled. Ok I lied, I was at home at 7am, I came to the office at 8. Because the call was cancelled. The dissapointing thing is that I quite like doing these calls at home in the morning in just my underwear, it brings the whole thing down to earth. Wearing clothes is the beginning of ego and pretence, according to JJ. Referring to oneself in the third person is quite something too.
We won the quiz again last night, more wine, more cheese and biscuits, another fucking candle. Keeps The Goth happy though, not the candle, he collects the baskets they give us for the goodies. I go more for the social than the quiz, having someone ask me questions and give me a prize is a bonus.
Malaysia was nice, did I post that? I can't remember, Bologna was pretty good too, we saw the Pallio, mad horse race thing in the village square in Ferrara. I bought a squillion euro worth of guitar gear last weekend; Overdrive, Octave Multiplexer, T-Rex Echo, Digitech Whammy, 4 track recorder. I'm going to get a DC brick and a rack this weekend because it looks a bit scattered with my Wah-Wah and Distortion in there too. And the electric drumkit, Marshall amp and monitor. Yeeeh, it's a bit over the top but what the fuck eh?
What else? I'm going to try to make my own Ragu tonight, we're going to a party tomorrow, guests next week (all week), then it's couleur cafe music fest.
Fuck it, if I get a minute over the weekend I'll see if can think of something to write here.
I hope you have a crap weekend and it rains non-stop. I know that I will because I live in Brussels.
JJ
Friday, 12 June 2009
Perambula 2: Alien Asian
It's all very well harping on about cattle and rednecks but look at it from the aliens point of view. Here's a short screen play feature with Glib and Glob, two aliens.
Glib: There's a sort of solar system in the corner, why don't we go there?
Glob: Where? I can't see anything
Glib: Are you fucking blind? It's a ten planet system, how can you not see that
Glob: Oh yeh, I can see it, no need to get shirty, let's go there then
Glib: We're in luck, there's one inhabited planet, we can grab a couple of samples and call it a day
Glob: Nice one, you are "The Glibster" waxing lyrical with the freestyler
Glib: Ok, they are flying, swimming and walking, we'll take one of each.
Glob: There's one walking on two legs like us!
Glib: Where?
Glob: You have to scroll down a bit
Glob: It's your line
Glib: I can't remeber the line, fuck. Oh, yes, "Let's see if it talks"
later in the specimen room:
Glib: What if they can use hypnosis to get the memories back? These mind erasing tools aren't fool proof
Glob: So what, they can't exactly come after us
Glib: True. It doesn't speak, it makes a noise if you shove this metal rod up it's arse
Glob: What is that? Some fancy new scanner?
Glib: No, it's a piece of junk I found in the back
Glob: Fair do, shove it in again
Glib: That's a bit naughty but, ok
Glob: Well, this is a waste of time. If this is some sort of primitive language it's beyond me
Glib: Yeeeh, let's chuck it back. Or shall we chuck four legs and keep this one
Glob: The other one's in the box now, chuck this one. Lets go, I'm hungry
Glib: Roger that Mr Globmeister, I am seeing a Super Combo Meal in your near future
Glob: Laaarging it and giving a shout to The Glibster and is arse-kicking inter-planetary crew! Yesss-aye, we got the goods again.
Glib: Don't forget to put labels on the boxes this time
Glob: Oh yeeeh, the boss was pretty hacked off last time eh?
Glib: Yeeeh, I can't lose this job the wife's dad already thinks I'm a loser
Glob: He's a loser, you should tell him his daughter swallows and takes it up the Gary Glitter
Glib: Yeeeh, I could tell him that or I could just put my bollocks on the table and give him a hammer
Glob: ha! ha! Nice one The Glibster
Glib: you are most welcome to use that one yourself Mr Globmeister
Glob: Graatsee, don't mind if do
THE END
They are a bit geeky these aliens, they have basic dead-end jobs and pass the time quoting tv comedies and thinking of cool names for each other and their fantasy buxom crew members. They'll go on like this for another four hundred of our earth years, this is the same length as their mating ritual. Then they go into cocoon states for 3 years and each alien comes out having split into two mature beings. Only the new one will mate again, the old one will do a bit of filing in the library, two days a week, and bake a fruit cake every now and then.
A little insight there for you.
JJ
Glib: There's a sort of solar system in the corner, why don't we go there?
Glob: Where? I can't see anything
Glib: Are you fucking blind? It's a ten planet system, how can you not see that
Glob: Oh yeh, I can see it, no need to get shirty, let's go there then
Glib: We're in luck, there's one inhabited planet, we can grab a couple of samples and call it a day
Glob: Nice one, you are "The Glibster" waxing lyrical with the freestyler
Glib: Ok, they are flying, swimming and walking, we'll take one of each.
Glob: There's one walking on two legs like us!
Glib: Where?
Glob: You have to scroll down a bit
Glob: It's your line
Glib: I can't remeber the line, fuck. Oh, yes, "Let's see if it talks"
later in the specimen room:
Glib: What if they can use hypnosis to get the memories back? These mind erasing tools aren't fool proof
Glob: So what, they can't exactly come after us
Glib: True. It doesn't speak, it makes a noise if you shove this metal rod up it's arse
Glob: What is that? Some fancy new scanner?
Glib: No, it's a piece of junk I found in the back
Glob: Fair do, shove it in again
Glib: That's a bit naughty but, ok
Glob: Well, this is a waste of time. If this is some sort of primitive language it's beyond me
Glib: Yeeeh, let's chuck it back. Or shall we chuck four legs and keep this one
Glob: The other one's in the box now, chuck this one. Lets go, I'm hungry
Glib: Roger that Mr Globmeister, I am seeing a Super Combo Meal in your near future
Glob: Laaarging it and giving a shout to The Glibster and is arse-kicking inter-planetary crew! Yesss-aye, we got the goods again.
Glib: Don't forget to put labels on the boxes this time
Glob: Oh yeeeh, the boss was pretty hacked off last time eh?
Glib: Yeeeh, I can't lose this job the wife's dad already thinks I'm a loser
Glob: He's a loser, you should tell him his daughter swallows and takes it up the Gary Glitter
Glib: Yeeeh, I could tell him that or I could just put my bollocks on the table and give him a hammer
Glob: ha! ha! Nice one The Glibster
Glib: you are most welcome to use that one yourself Mr Globmeister
Glob: Graatsee, don't mind if do
THE END
They are a bit geeky these aliens, they have basic dead-end jobs and pass the time quoting tv comedies and thinking of cool names for each other and their fantasy buxom crew members. They'll go on like this for another four hundred of our earth years, this is the same length as their mating ritual. Then they go into cocoon states for 3 years and each alien comes out having split into two mature beings. Only the new one will mate again, the old one will do a bit of filing in the library, two days a week, and bake a fruit cake every now and then.
A little insight there for you.
JJ
Monday, 8 June 2009
Perambula
One can harldy get around the globe these days without tripping over a nuclear weapon or some sort of secret alien base. Frankly I'm sick of these aliens, they come here and take our cattle and rednecks, who's going to stand up to them? What are our elected evangelists doing about it?
I don't like rednecks, I've never met one but that's not the point. That doesn't make me a biggit, makes you a smartarse. I demand to know how many extra terrestrials live in Belgium. Why is that be a secret? I'd be ok if my neighbours turned out to be lizards in human disguise. I suspect they're actually French but I'm ok with that too.
Aliens eat Penguin meat and eggs, among other things, I've never eaten a penguin but I can tell you that puffin tastes like liver and I think it's similar.
Lizards are a pretty cool bunch, they don't mince around like some animals, they keep still. I like that. I don't care how fucking hot it is, don't hassle me, I do what I do in my own time. I'm going to be a lizard next time out, or the guy who invented tic-tacs.
Can you imagine? If aliens are a hundred times smarter than us, their zoo animals are probably smarter than we are too. They probably take their alien kids to their zoo to see some weird animals sending text messages and the adults will be saying "they only learned to write three generations ago, now they've got mobile phones" and the kids will be saying "what's a mobile phone?", "it's an ancient machine that simulated telepathy or something like that, ask your alien father".
She wouldn't say "alien" father really but then she wouldn't speak English either and they probably don't have nuclear families, they might not even have the whole parent-child concept. I put in those terms to give you a frame of reference. Hollywood does this all time, except they always make aliens evil. Except ET. There's no reason to assume aliens would want to harm us, it's just the American way. Americans don't understand sex so they want to fight everyone.
All I can say is there's nothing civil about war.
Well, that's the garbage out, I'm off to bed.
JJ
I don't like rednecks, I've never met one but that's not the point. That doesn't make me a biggit, makes you a smartarse. I demand to know how many extra terrestrials live in Belgium. Why is that be a secret? I'd be ok if my neighbours turned out to be lizards in human disguise. I suspect they're actually French but I'm ok with that too.
Aliens eat Penguin meat and eggs, among other things, I've never eaten a penguin but I can tell you that puffin tastes like liver and I think it's similar.
Lizards are a pretty cool bunch, they don't mince around like some animals, they keep still. I like that. I don't care how fucking hot it is, don't hassle me, I do what I do in my own time. I'm going to be a lizard next time out, or the guy who invented tic-tacs.
Can you imagine? If aliens are a hundred times smarter than us, their zoo animals are probably smarter than we are too. They probably take their alien kids to their zoo to see some weird animals sending text messages and the adults will be saying "they only learned to write three generations ago, now they've got mobile phones" and the kids will be saying "what's a mobile phone?", "it's an ancient machine that simulated telepathy or something like that, ask your alien father".
She wouldn't say "alien" father really but then she wouldn't speak English either and they probably don't have nuclear families, they might not even have the whole parent-child concept. I put in those terms to give you a frame of reference. Hollywood does this all time, except they always make aliens evil. Except ET. There's no reason to assume aliens would want to harm us, it's just the American way. Americans don't understand sex so they want to fight everyone.
All I can say is there's nothing civil about war.
Well, that's the garbage out, I'm off to bed.
JJ
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