Michael Jackson Memorial

The Michael Jackson memorial takes place today at the Staples Center LA, some sort of stationery retail outlet. Whacko was a huge fan of stationery, he even tried to teach his monkey to staple his own finger and run around shouting "fuck me that hurts! get it out Michael! get it out!"

He battled illness for many years, he was often seen in public with a plaster on his finger since the Bad album. Some say this injury was the cause of subsequent bad albums and bad album sales. His finger was also the cause of much speculation and court room appearances. He was suing his plastic surgeon for not de-burring the nose amid allegations that he cut his finger on it.

Jackson was famous for inventing The Moonwalk dance step on which Neil Armstrong commented "he's obviously never been to the moon, and that thing he does on stage grabbing his dick tells me it's not the only place he hasn't been".

I've already sent my application to play MJ in the movie, I'll have to do a few sit-ups though, the advert said "no baritones or beer guts". Dimitry Medvedev has applied for the job too amid rumours that he isn't busy enough in his current puppet role. Dimitry commented "it's 'poppet', Vladimir calls me 'poppet' that's where the confusion comes from, I am a real president just like Jesse Jackson was. I can't believe he's dead".

I want to know what The Pope has go to say about it, I daresay the Catholic Church will have to choose their words very carefully when talking about Michael Jackson. Especially not to make the same mistake Dimitry did, that could be very embarrassing and detrimental to their drive to attract more young people (except lesbians).

Imagine if you're a ticket tout holding a few thousand dollars worth of tickets to the shows at O2 arena, they must thought they'd make a killing but it just goes show...

there really is no such thing as a Dead Cert.

JJ