Friday, 24 April 2009

Idiot Life Management Style

This isn't the same as Lifestyle Management for Idiots, that's a self-help book, this is a self-eHelp virtual webinar.

Here are some usefull tools to help manage your life, finances, holidays, concubines etc.

Life:
Write a list of all the things you own, write a list of all things want. Voila, now get the fuck on with it.

Finances:
Take the number of years left to retirement, multiply by gross annual salary, subtract your remaining mortgage payments net of interest, then shove your thumb up your arse and whistle Dixie. That's how the big boy's do it.

Holidays:
Write a list of all the countries in the world, cross out the ones you've been to, work down the list alphabetically, it's not rocket science. Here's a tip, Bhutan has the same landscapes as Switzerland so you don't need to see both.

Concubines:
Always refer to extra-biblical activities as "Concubine Time", in most countries there isn't really a legal definition of Concubine so it really is a free ride.

Etc.
You know that thing about the golf balls and gravel and sand in the big jar; "is it full yet?", try to remember that one, it's quite poignant.

I think the sand is all those crappy email "jokes" and blogs you read, it fills all the space. Could be wrong though, maybe the jar is your head and the idea is to keep putting crap in it, it'll never get full and occasionally something makes sense.

That's probably the best you can hope for at this stage.

Well that concludes this session. Live damnit! Live! *high fives*

I like helping people, it makes me feel like I'm giving something back.

JJ

2 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Golf balls in a big jar? Are you making this up as you go along?

Joliet Jake said...

Ever heard of Google? Never mind I'll find the fucking story and post it