Friday, 3 April 2009

G20 Pee

The thing about finance is this: "you had a pound and now you've got twenty pee", sorry, it's a global problem, not my fault.

This is for the good of the company; "your department needs to rationalise 3 resources"

You had a job, you had a house, and now you've got depression and debts. The way out is to spend more money, because that will stimulate the economy. That's the global solution, it's best for everyone.

What does this mean? "A clever man learns by his mistakes, but a wise man learns by others mistakes".

What the fuck do you expect to learn having watched the bank's CEO blow your savings? The global economy is a pyramid scheme, invest and tell your friends to invest, we'll all be rich and retire at fifty. No, only one person will retire, the rest will be laid off.

I was laid off at 25 but I came back stronger, because I'm a stubborn bugger. That's what empires are built on, stubborn buggers. And fucking massive weapons. Try looking at history from the other perspective; Take Genghis Khan from the Chinese viewpoint. "One minute I was chopping carrots for tea then suddenly this short loudmouthed geyser and bunch of yobs wrecked everything and set the house on fire. What the fuck is his problem?"

From the point of view of the Indians, Alexander was not so Great. "I milked the holy cow and I was about to have a blessed cuppa, suddenly there's this short-arse Greek fella standing in the verandah waving his sword about. Only later we found out how small their country is, it's just behn chod embarrassing isn't it though?"

Imagine the Romans trying to invade Swansea (Wales): "Hallo, you're not from round 'yer is it?", "We're invaders", "Oh. Have you been busy?", "Yes, very", "I expect you'll want to sit down and 'ave a cuppa then", "Is that a question? You raise your pitch at the end of every sentence, it's hard to tell when you're asking a question", "tell you what I'll put the kettle on, come in and we'll have a nice chat". The Romans just crossed it off the list and went to Yorkshire instead, "Just pretend we took a wrong turn, it doesn't feel right"

What about when the Vikings came to England: "Oi, Oi, you can't park your boat there it's a restricted zone. Careful with that, you'll have someone's eye out! I say, you can't do that she hasn't been broken in yet. They're not very talkative are they?" And then the Normans came; "Ask him what he wants, they don't speak English. WHAT DO YOU WANT? Steady on now, you'll have someone's eye out. Can't they come back after tea? This is most inconvenient, you can't just turn up you know, it's not even a public holiday"

Finally, here's what drove the Swiss to become neutral. It's 1499AD, the Swiss army is amassed on the Austrian border "today will mark the beginning of the most efficient empire in history", "can't we wait 12 months and start on 1500AD? That would show better planning", "You are correct". Twelve months later; "where the fuck is everyone? You know what, I'm going to make some decent fucking watches and clocks if it kills me, I'm sick of this crap, how do you expect to keep twelve months time with a box of candles? It's ridiculous." They declared neutrality so that they could focus on the job at hand...

That was then and this is bedtime.


1 comment:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Julius Caesar give the Swiss a hammering from which they never recovered. They learned not to mess with the Daddy.