Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Chinese Democracy

I was listening away when I thought "blimey, is this still the first track? It's a bit long and whiney" but when I checked my Media Player (it's a sort of really small record player without records) and I was already on Track 4. Bummer, without the good band Axel Rose is just a whinging git. Chinese Democracy is no subject for a musical outing, it's just a naughty sound byte. Naughty like a child making fart noises, actually children making fart noises is really funny. What gets me is how they find it uproariously funny no matter how many times they do it. Memories, it was good when that was all it took to keep us entertained on a wet Wednesday afternoon.

Skiing was good this year, my friends are getting married in April, not all of them just two. Where does the time go eh? What happened to the three day week and holidays on Mars? Instead of that I'm sitting here praying for the 'phone to ring so that I can turn down the sound on the latest Guns n' Roses album (sorry, I can never remember if the apostrophe goes in front of the n or after it. I think there should be two really, when I was a teen I knew details like that, they were important). The rain washed all the snow away and now we're back to grey, grey concrete floors and walls, what a harsh environment we live in. Why does everything have to be metal and concrete? Why can't cars be made of foam? Or at least covered in foam and roads made of silk sheets? It would be great to get knocked over then, imagine how happy everyone would be wandering around drunk getting knocked over by foam cars and laughing and laughing. That's proper democracy.

And we could print nice things on the silk sheet roads like Cheese and Onion Sandwiches and Fish Oil Tablets. I want to go to work in carpet slippers and have Swiss drinking chocolate and big fat juicy oranges for breakfast, that's not unreasonable is it? Why not have a wall at the back of the office where we can throw paper towels soaked in paint? What's wrong with that, it doesn't harm anyone.

When you get right down to it we're not that far away from utopia now, just a few tweaks here and there. Kebabs should have feta included in the price not as an extra and they should stop calling them "Durums", Durum is a variety of wheat. I wonder who the prime minister is today? I'll send him my ideas along with my application to be MEP for Brussels, that would be a cool job. I'd make the secretariat hop on one leg for ten minutes after lunch and see how many of them throw up. What is a secretariat anyway? Not the horse...

Only two tracks to go, it's not getting any easier.


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