Friday, 30 January 2009

Barak Obama

And that, my little munchkins, is my blatant hit pandering title. I know I've spelled it wrong, I'm aiming for a certain demographic [Dumbass Democrats. There are more than you'd think but not as many as Dumbass Republicans, "John McCain"? really!]. Soliciting Hits and such practices are quite properly frowned upon by good internet citizens. Well I'm not that good a citizen.

I'm no "Lex Luthor" but I'm far from being goody two-shoes-dull-as-ditchwater "Superman" [Boys under 11 demographic]. How many hit's am I getting now in these difficult time of the "Credit Crunch"? [Dumbass house-buying investors getting ripped off by banks and whose great plan is to Google "Credit Crunch" to save their mortgage demographic]

I once took a screen shot of someone's desktop, deleted all the desktop icons and put the picture up as wallpaper. It has to be a real no-hoper to make it really funny. He tried to click all the icons several times over and eventually he called IT support and got it fixed. But getting back to soliciting...

Yeeeh, the last "Superman" movie was a travesty, he might as well start the "Porn" career now; "Superman does the Dallas Cowboys Cheer Leading Squad" [11-75 male demographic]. That's just leaves gratuitous mention of Viagra [75+ male demographic] and that's the entire male population hitting my website. Yes, I said website, I know it's just a stupid blog but I tell people I have my own website, it sounds cool(er), I'm really that desperate. (Actually I only talk about it with three people, one being the one who got me started - he's the worst)

Now then, how to get women demographics. Hmmm....Ok, what do I know about women? Nothing. This sucks [18-65 unmarried demographic]. You see? I'm much more Lex than "Supertwat" [18+, married], gratuitus mention of "Barbie" and that just leaves [unmarried over 65] who won't mind being left out, they're used to it by now.

But I need the hits so; "Discount Zip-up Fur Lined Boots, Wholesale Cat Food and Febreeze Anti-Urine Formula one-stop shop" thanks for visiting my website.

The thing is, I'm trying to be nice to people this year, in real life, so all the uglyness is being channelled here, where I'm less likely to get a smack in the chops. So there's no need to be upset at all, "it's not you, it's me".

Oh, there's one more, the Gorilla demographic! There's only one but he's quite important so; "How to Succeed in an Emotionally Juvenile Society Ruled by Bald Monkeys without Resorting to Violence", I'm sure he's Googling that phrase on a regular basis. It's only one hit but sometimes he comes back for a second comment. Ok, he did that once.

Well, I hope you've learned something from this wantonness, if not go here and click an AD to generate some cash for me.

Obviously, Joliet Jakes Weekly wouldn't stoop to advertising and such vulgarity, just the normal vulgarity; blow jobs, oral sex, hand-jobs, stocking fetish, lesbians, leather knickers, furry bits, noodles, water sports, doggy, Portugese tuna, spin cycle, monthly cycle, bi-cycle, wheel barrow, cock-sparrow.

Thanks for visiting my website. Don't forget to click on the AD's here.

I'll be in the shower.

JJ

2 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I have no interest whatever in bald monkeys, you impertinent scoundrel.

Joliet Jake said...

no need to take offence old bean, just Soliciting Hits, it did the trick anyway :)