Sunday, 7 December 2008

Oh My God! The Cat!

I know that we're supposed to cut down on salt to reduce our blood pressure, prevent heart attacks and/or hypertension, whatever that is, so I bought some "Lo Salt". At first I didn't want it because I figured it's just Salt with less Salt in it, I'm paying more for less. That's like buying a six pack of beer with only five cans in it, why would I do that?

Then I looked closer, it's the same amount, only the sodium is reduced. That should be impossible, salt is half and half of sodium and chlorine. Sodium is what makes street lamps glow and chlorine is used to neutralise pee in swimming pools - yum, tasty!

So how do they reduce Sodium? I'll tell you, they've replaced 66% of the Sodium Chloride with Potassium Chloride. That's what fertiliser is made of. In essence I'm putting some "synthetic shit" and vinegar on my chips.

AND, here's another use of Potassium Chloride; to induce a heart attack. Yes that's right, it's number three of the three injections used to carry out the Death Penalty in certain Unliterate States of Arse. This is what I'm using in my health kick to avoid heart problems, fucking maaarvellous!

You can check the labelling in your local supermarket, all of the above is true. (The lethal injections are in the Personnel Hygiene aisle, fourth left after the free range carrots or whatever the fuck is in Produce Offers this week). But really, it's all true.

Why? Why oh why are these huge faceless corporations poisoning us? You may be aware that during the first and second world wars cigarettes were advertised as being "just the ticket after a long day in the trenches", soldiers were given cigarettes as part of their daily food ration. Can you imagine the government handing out free cigarettes? I don't see why not actually, the bastards haven't stopped short on any other money making rip-off for their own ends. Back then it was cigarettes, today it's Death Penalty Chemicals in your salt.

In about twenty years time people are going to be dying of "Death Penalty Heart Attack" and then we'll start buying Potassium Free Salt, which will of course be a little more expensive. Maybe they'll put Arsenic Chloride in it, that sounds harmless enough. There's only one way out of this vicious salt circle really, stop using salt. Consumerism Flag; there's enough salt in food without adding more at the table, it's just more shit that we're hooked on but we don't need.

All this talk about death and poison, I'm hungry now, where's my hunting baguette? I'll wait here by the Cat Flap, "here pussy pussy, open the flap"

Why does it always end with me trying to ensnare some pussy with a piece of stale bread?

I have to move back closer to the city, or hire a stripper for sunday evenings in, goodnight.

JJ

2 comments:

The Aunt said...

MMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmARMITE!

Joliet Jake said...

I know cat's are evil but I can't imagine they'll eat marmite, you're just being silly or are you trying to sell me a dummy?