Sunday, 5 August 2007

Sprouts Life

JJ Goes to the Movies

Brussels has a tremendous selection of what used to be known as "Arthouse" cinemas, these days we call them "musty old flea pit where they show films with subtitles", a bit redundant really because you could describe the whole of Brussels like that. All films in Belgium have subtitles, in two languages, even on TV. Next time you're flicking throught the Lonely Planet for some exotic location to spend your measley holiday entitlement, remember: if a town has lots of cinemas, you can assume it going to rain every day. If there are lots of museums, hire a boat.

Nevertheless, in spite of this pointless meandering, determined to enjoy myself I managed to drag my sorry carcass to one of the smaller flea pits. After all, why should I stay at my own place and sit on my own sofa watching movies on my own tv when I can pay someone to do it at their place?

The flea pit is deserted of course so the ticket assistant locked eyes on me immediately. I just told myself it was nothing do with the place being empty, she probably would have done that anyway. Trying to be nonchalant like an Indian James Bond I sauntered through the lobby.

Did you know the Punjabi word for arse is "bond"? My grandmother would be in tears laughing at that every time, god rest her soul. Actually, now that I think of it, it was more of swagger than a saunter, like Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter. It's no wonder she was staring.

So I approached the ticket counter, no queue at these places, especially on a Monday night.

JJ: what's showing tonight then?
Asst: English?
JJ: I am and it should be
Asst: You don't look English
JJ: My parents are Indian, does that matter?
Asst: Indian! Ooohh I love India, all the temples and people, the foods great. I went last year for my holidays, what's that little fishing village on the coast? Do you know the one I mean?
JJ: Do you want to go through the whole list or shall I just stand in the corner and chew my arm off?
Asst: It'll come to me in a minute, the sunsets are amazing, I've been there 5 times in all
JJ: And yet you still can't remember what it's called. I hear that marijuana grows wild in many parts of India but I've never been so I can remember most of my holiday destinations
Asst: You've never been!? How could you not go? Haven't you got family there?
JJ: I've got hundreds of relatives in India and that's precisely why I've never been. Now, much as I am enjoying this sparkling conversation, I did come in to see a movie, would you happen to have any lying around?
Asst: You're not going to believe this! It's your lucky day, we've got a new movie in today from the guy who made Mango Wedding about mixed race couples, you'll love it
JJ: Wasn't it Monsoon Wedding?
Asst: It's ever so romantic, the girl gets forced into an arranged marriage but the groom turns out to be an untouchable, he was lying during the arrangement, then the family are all despairing when the girls lover turns up and beats up the groom and all of his family and they all run off. In the end the grateful parents let the two get married to each other, I cried at the wedding scene
JJ: Do you get many mixed race couples coming in to see it then?
Asst: Oh yeah, mixed race couples are just like you and me, whenever they don't know what to do and that, they turn to Bollywood
JJ: Uncanny
Asst: You should see it here on a Friday night. Funny though, there's a lot of break-ups after the movie, it was a proper demolition site last week.
JJ: Tell you what, I'll give it a miss tonight, maybe I'll turn up at the finish next Friday and see if there's anything worth picking up
Asst: You heartless bastard! this blog knows you've got a girlfriend
JJ: It also know's none of this is real so be a treasure and shut up now, I'm off to the boozer, bloody stupid idea this was
Asst: Thanks-for-coming-please-call-again
JJ: Will you shut up already? It's the movies not Kwik-e-Mart and you're a girl!

eeeh I do enjoy a good night at the flics.



SpanishGoth said...

Were you time travelling or just walking really slowly. Post is for Sunday, and you drag your arse to the cinema where there are no queues on a Monday?

That's impressive....

zoe said...

ah, goth, but this blog knows that none of this is true .... apparently.

JolietJake said...

goth: I was talking about the previous monday, I'm not compelled post everything as it happens

JolietJake said...

zoe: I created goth, out of that piece of exhaust pipe that fell off my car in 1997...this is all an illusion

Tippler said...

Can I have my drugs back now, Jake?

JolietJake said...

when I read that I thought "who the fuck is he talking to? Oh yeh, I'm Jake".

Drugs? erm... I'll just say no.