Thursday, 23 August 2007

Naval Territory

I was explaining the term "Naval Gazing" to some Germans after our weakly badminton session, it came up because one of the group works in parliament and is taking a week off to study. It occurred to me that someone stated "Naval Gazing" as their occupation in their blog profile. Could be Zoe, I think that's her style. Anyway, that lead me think I haven't blogged for a few days so here's some stuff I've thunk about:

This was told to me by more than one person in Denmark so I'm assuming it's true. The annual Father Christmas convention happens in the last week of July every year in Copenhagen, two years ago the Finns were ostracised for claiming that Santa comes from Rovaniemi in Finnish Lapland. The Finns have their own Father Christmas convention now, they won't be allowed back into the global one until they renounce their belief. I'm with the others, I don't think big fat jovial people in red costumes would come from Finland, frankly I don't think they'd go there either, costumed or otherwise.

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According to the opening web-site template provided by Apple "HTML... is what webmasters and designers use", "To create an HTML web page in Microsoft Word, all you have to do is choose Save as HTML".

Is anyone fooled by this? Do you really think you can create your own version of "You Tube" in Microsoft Word just by clicking "Save as HTML"? If you're even thinking about trying it, you are a seriously deluded individual. This is the equivalent of saying you can start your own country by declaring your back-yard to be independent territory. Make sure you've paid off your mortgage but that's going to be the least of your problems.

On the other hand this is aimed at Mac users so let me just explain - the first paragraph is real, the second paragraph IS A JOKE. DO NOT try to start your own country, there are enough people laughing at you already you don't need any more.

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I saw a "report" on CNN about dangerous Chinese exports. After the usual numbers; the US imports $230 million more than they export to China, they told us about Thomas the Tank Engine toys containing Lead Paint. An interview with a "Toy Industry Expert" confirmed it but then he said it's just a few bad apples etc.

What the hell is "a toy industry expert"? who does he work for? 80% of the WORLDS toys are made in China, if one has a problem does that make Chinese standards worse than US, UK or anywhere else. Seems to me they have a pretty good average overall. So is this story just a bunch of hokum made up by CNN? Of course it is. Is this going to stop Chinese imports and bring thousands of jobs back to America? Dream on, it's filthy propagandy by the fat cats who have outsourced manufacturing so when Americans complain about job losses they can blame the Chinese.

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I've been getting a lot of email lately about buying cheap drugs over the Internet, it's seems to go in phases. Is there really anyone dumb enough to believe that "no need to have a doctor recommendation" is a good thing? I can only think they keep sending this out because there must be some people responding to it, incredible, here's the whole thing:

Enjoy the Security, Competence Low-Priced Prices and Excellence Benefit mainly trusted On-Line Canadian Drug Store.

We take over 2000 Trade Name and General medicines. We are the major web-based drugstore in Canada we are able purchase at the low probable prices. We then hand our investments onto you.

No need to have a doctor recommendation to request from our company.

We can even set you up on express re-buy so you don't have to be anxious about running out of your medical treatment.

For great saving check us out: www.{deleted by JJ for your protection}.org


Hmmmm... Canadian? I think not, these people are barely literate you'd have to be mad to buy anything from these clowns. Mad, mad, barmy, doolally, dippy, probably loopy and a tad fruity if not completely stark staring bonkers altogether. (Who say's English isn't a rich and colourful language, I think it's fucking maarvellous!)

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Finally (about bloody time), I might have mentioned this before but I just can't shake it from my head. This happened the first time I went to visit the commune administration in Etterbeek. The Foreigners registration bit is downstairs, in the dinghy basement, a large lobby area with doors all around leading to various offices. I went to the one I thought was right and knocked, a fat bloke opened the door and after I explained my situation he sent me to the next door along. I knocked on that door and bloody hell, the same bloke opened it and let me in. The office was narrow, about 12 yards (10.92 metres) long with a door at each end. When we went over to his desk I realised it was bang in front of the first door I'd knocked on! This seemed perfectly normal to him, I couldn't stop thinking "Monty Python". He could've signed me up for a mud-wrestling contest with Kylie Minogue, I wouldn't have noticed, I just couldn't take that guy seriously.

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That's all for this session, next time we can talk about something you like to do (yeh, right!)

JJ

11 comments:

SpanishGoth said...

Bwahahahahaha

Can just see you in the Ministry of Silly Twats

Good job your French is so good eh??

MKWM said...

Some Germans have all the luck. Please explain it to me too, JJ, and for your protection, I won't tell anything about the lot of emails I get every day at work. Enlargement... now really, is anyone fooled by this?

Tippler said...

Hmm. Watch a lot of ships and sailors do you, JJ?

Nowt wrong with that, of course. But then again, if it's belly-button fluff you're after, you might want to try examining your 'navel' instead...

I know, I'm a fucking pedant.

zoe said...

navel gazing .... could have been me, but i doubt it. i say it, but i don't think that's my occupation. hang on, WHAT occupation ?

Aku said...

Oi! Santa IS from Finland! Come and see it yourself! He lives up in Lapland with his little elves and_it's_all_true.

I feel sorry for all the misguided people who actually think Santa's from the North Pole. How silly is that?!

JolietJake said...

goth: I had a chance to be in civil service once but I didn't take it.

minky: I would've but I'm talking crap anyway, see correction below from pedant

tippler: I knew it looked wrong when I wrote it, I meant it in the title but the other one should be 'navel', on the other hand: get a fucking life!

zoe: are you asking me? Dunno, it's your profile. Wait, are you being ironic or sarcastic? can you explain the difference so I can tell the Germans next week

aku: who said anything about the North Pole? I've met santa in the Treaty Centre on Hounslow High street and judging by his accent it's obvious he's from India. Whether he's originally from their or he's been outsourced, I couldn't tell.

Tippler said...

Fair comment, JJ, fair comment.

Drama Queen said...

Hey, I'm a MAC user!!!!

Slap, slap.

JolietJake said...

I feel violated now, you've been commenting all over my post with a MAC? I need a shower.

And all this time you've been in the prime spot on the front page, I've a good mind to move your link into the long list with the others.

hmmmm... what can I put in that space??

Drama Queen said...

Actually I visit your page from work so you are being perved on via a pc. . .

And the mac thing is not through choice. Its the man's. . .he needs it for work.

I don’t like the operating system at all but it does look nice in our apartment when tripped to the speakers.

Such a girl, bringing computers down to aesthetics.

You love me really ;-)

JolietJake said...

nothing wrong with being a girlie, aesthetics are important in many parts of life. Just not computers.

apologies and hugs to you :)