I'm sure you've been to a themed wine tasting evening, it's standard tasting but you have to associate the wines with something to give a sense of context. In this case, Motörhead songs. We'll start with the decent stuff so we have a chance to enjoy it before we're completely hammered. Oh yes, none of that gargling and spitting nonsense. You'll swallow, even if I have to hold your nose and punch you in the stomach. Ok that's the niceties out of the way, let's get on with it:
1. Grand Bersan, Lussac Saint-Emillion, Bordeaux (France). An excellent red, deep ruby colour, earthy forest fruit tastes and smells, one to be savoured and enjoyed over and over. To accompany this is a track which with its opening bars immediately sets the tone for night. It's 1981, No Sleep 'til Hammersmith hit the charts at number one and the opening track Ace of Spades still makes my spine tingle every single time I play it.
2. Châteauneuf du Pape, Côtes du Rhône, (France). This red is at the top of my list for the Côtes du Rhône region, granted it's a very short list. Cheaper than a good Bordeaux, full bodied and rich it can be an excellent accompaniment to dinner. The musical comeraderie is provided by Terminal Show from the Inferno album (2004), a hard hitting number reminiscent of Mike Tyson in his heyday, only taller.
3. Gato Negro, Merlot (Chile). An unexpected choice for a Motörhead night, this light bodied red is not too dry and a popular party wine, very drinkable and cheaper than the rich pinot noirs from the same region. The nearest Motörhead come to a party song is Please Don't Touch from the St Valentines Day Massacre EP, a joint effort with female rockers Girlschool. Much like the Gato Negro, Please Don't Touch can also be considered an unexpected choice but there again, it's all in the eyes, ears, nose and pallette of the beholder. Messy bugger.
4. Mount Difficulty, Pinot Noir 2000 (New Zealand). I discovered this red in a wine bar in King St, Sydney. Strong fruity bouquet, very deep rich colour and taste. I found it quite overbearing with a harsh after taste suggesting it's not quite ready for consumption. It might take a while to get this one down so we'll go with the medley Bite the Bullet/The Chase is Better than the Catch. This combo appears on the extended re-release of the legendary No Sleep 'till Hammersmith album, it didn't make it to the original release suggesting it also wasn't quite ready for consumption.
5. Sancerre Pinot Noir (France). A popular white from the Sancerre region, light, fruity and quite refreshing. For this one go all the way back to the Bomber album and the classic track Dead Men Tell No Tales, there's something resembling melody and it's more easy going than the typical Motörhead which is more suited to a good claret or a vat of Carlsberg Special Brew.
6. Pouilly Fume (France). Another white, this is very close to Sancerre in geography and character. Well worth trying if you like Sancerre. I find this one slightly richer and smoother, a fuller flavour but still quite dry. In the same vien, if you like Dead Men... try Over the Top, a lesser known B-Side (from the days when they had B-Sides). A cracking good tune, galloping along with all the character and charm of a white Ford Capri being driven into a brick wall at speed.
7. Thunderbird (USA). This is a fortified pear wine, comes in two varieties. The mellow blue isn't as strong as the red, either way you'll have to drink the whole bottle to get the full effect. It's a full bodied white wine goes very well with Die You Bastard, a lively number from the Another Perfect Day album recorded shortly after Fast Eddie left the band in 1982.
8. Buckfast (England). This "wine" is popular in the more colourful suburbs of Glasgow, though I saw some people drinking it outside Amsterdam Central Station recently. A very rich deep red with mildly medicinal flavours from the added vitamins and caffiene. Slightly addictive it tends to induce violent behaviour and mild hallucinations. The perfect accompaniment for this number would be Mean Machine from the Orgasmatron album, a relentless pounding drive also liable to leave you with a thick head.
9. Rosé d'Anjou (France). This of course is the token Rosé, unlike proper wines the Rosés tend to have the word Rosé in the name as a warning to people looking for a bottle of cherryade or whatever. Nevertheless, it is a good wine full of taste and character if a little on the dry side. The accompaniment also avoids ambiguity, it's the track Rock'n'Roll from the album also called Rock'n'Roll. Expect nothing less.
10. Jacob's Creek Shiraz (Australia). Don't be put off by the screw top cap, be put off by the taste! Just kidding. Well, it's not in the premier league of wines but then I'm hardly in the premier league of consumers (except perhaps by volume). It's drinkable. If you don't want to risk your hard earned readies on wine you don't know, you'll be alright with this one. Then turn to the Hammered album and select Brave New World. Both of these selections are like a good tart; instantly likeable and should stand many a repeat perfomance.
On that note, it's surely time to call it a night, even if it is Sunday afternoon.