The Pirate Party, Sweden

It's not just the question of freely sharing files and copyrighted material. There's a new law in Sweden around monitoring internet traffic for security sensitive words, like "bloody Norwegians and their oil, we should never have given them freedom". It's the big brother thing. That's what the Pirates are going at, but they have to be real and get proper policy positions on other things too, like the Free Movement Of Workers Between Member Countries of the You-are-Peeing Onion, as a random example.

But in some countries they don't have copyright, like China and India "so what's the downside?" I hear you ask, I'll tell yer. Shit films, cheesy music, that's why they're ripping off western product and every other twat is an Elvis impersonator busy learning Jackson One dance steps.

If there's no copyright law no one will be investing $150 million to make Waterworld. Ok bad example, I don't know what Star Wars cost but it would never have been made if the investors had no protection for their ideas. Same goes for computer software, you say "I should be allowed to install Drug Trade Wars on my mum's laptop, I paid for it" but I say "chill the fuck out, what if I borrowed your Delta Goodrem cd and lent it to someone you've never met, how would you like that?"

Don't rush off to Google now and search for "Drug Trade Wars", I made it up, what kind of sick individual are you anyway? Installing this shit on your mum's laptop.

Usuary Laws - until 1854 it was illegal to charge more than 10% on any form of credit.

Banks have just been bailed out by taxpayers and are now making record profits and taking huge bonuses home in their fancy cars.

"Poor People", who paid the taxes, are still waiting for the economy to recover so that they can find work again.

So why don't the poor people all own bank shares now? Isn't that how capitalism works? Screwing the workers to pay the shareholders. The poor people should now profit from the shares they bought with their tax money, that's the system. If the government get's the profit, they have to reduce taxes right? You see, when it's the fat cats making money from share trades, it's the factory workers who are greasing those trades. In the bank scenario it's the bankers who should be greasing the palms of the shareholders (tax payers). But somehow, the bankers are still taking as much money home as they ever were.

Damn it, do we have a system or not? Surely we aren't just a bunch of peasants being ripped off by the land owners? Is this the middle ages again?

JJ

Ku Klux Klan and Casino Guide

Bit of a side track here, many moons ago I used work in a casino and it hasn't been lost me that some people get a little starry eyed when I tell them that. Obviously it's very glamorous and high flying, working for minimum wage until 5am in Sheffield next to the Chinese Chippy, so let's have closer introspection on that.

Here are few terms you'll need to know if you want to play poker in the casino:

An Ace King Four and Seven is known as a "Machine Gun" (AK47), Ace Ace Eight Eight is a "dead man's hand" re: Wild Bill Hickok's hand when he was killed, four Kings is "the four horsemen", KKQQ = the mommas and the poppas, KKK = Three Wise Men / Ku Klux Klan, four Queens = the Village People, three Queens = Six Tits, JJ33 = Hookers with Crabs (I don't actually understand that one), 9966 = dinner for four, 3333= forest four trees, 222 = Huey, Dewey and Louie, 555 = Pork Chop Sandwiches (WTF?)

The thing about the KKK is that they are just like us really, a bunch of ordinary people. Some of them know how to make websites, as we can see, and some of them know enough not to be associated with KKK in public. That's how you know it's a bone fide set up, it's only the bigotry that set's them apart really, and yet somehow that's enough to justify executing every last one of 'em.

But Casino's yes, people really do borrow money from sharks and get their legs broken. I saw a guy walk out with 15 grand, it took him two weeks to return it all to The House. He was addicted, as were many others. We had a filing cabinet full of PNG's (Persona Non Grata), known cheats, card counters and so on, each one would have multiple aliases, false ID's, disguises, lists of associates (other known cheats). All that information was shared with other Casino's in the UK and a few stars had trails all over Europe. And then one day a fella told me he could get video's of dog fights if I wanted to see them, I suspected he thought I'd help him win in exchange for this "favour", in hindsight I should have reported him to the police.

The dog fights guy was one of the normal customers, well that's what passes for normal in the Casino crowd.

We had little staff room where we would leave our overcoats and go for tea breaks, one day a number of people had items stolen from there, including money. It was saddening to think a colleague was stealing from us. This was the beginning of the end for me. Then a "new" duty manager started, turned out he'd been on a break since before I started working there. He'd had a nervous breakdown amidst rumours of game fixing and pending investigations, there were also tales of ganster connections so the mood was very pensive when that guy was on duty. Some of the younger staff dreamed of working on cruise ships, seeing the world, making a fortune. I never met anyone who actually did that. I met people who worked cruise ships but none who made their fortune.

I left as soon as I could find another job. I couldn't care less about what people did there except the thief, after that incident I just couldn't trust anyone.

Yes, there were plenty of lights, plenty of glitter and action, but glamour? No, there was more glamour in the Chinese chippy next door.

JJ

London Cockney Ganster Types

"What's the s.p. on this one Charlie? Smack in the seats?"
"Naah, ice in the tank"
"Lovely, tidy job, I 'ate rippin' up the upholstery on a Jag, seems disrespectful in a way"

Tommy was taking delivery of a new smugglers car and was curious to the contents. It seemed this one didn't have heroin sewn into the seats but there were some diamonds in the fuel tank.

"You'll 'ave ter fence these sharpish, some fackin copper was sniffing round the office after the motor"
"Gotcha Charlie, I'll get onter Irish Mick he'll 'ave 'em away as soon as the tank's open"
"Sorted, I'll be in the office"

Charlie alerted Tommy that police were already tracing the stolen vehicle and had been asking at The Golden Lion pub, which they referred to as "The Office". Irish Mick got the name because his dad is Irish, his real name is Jonathan Kitchen.

"oil give yer turty grand and I'm rippin' me arm off so I am be-jesus"
"give it a fackin rest Mick, I know you're from Croydon"
"fack off then, 25 grand"
"I want fifty or I walk"
"fifty? this aint fackin Snatch, smell the fackin cockles Tom"
"It's Tommy to you, Irish, 'ave you even got any fackin money or wot?"
"here's fortee, take or leave it"
"done"
"done"

Tommy took the readies to the boozer but Charlie wasn't there, on the way out he was jumped by some eastern european types and they snatched the lolly.

"If I find out you had a hand in this Charlie I'll rip your fackin legs off"
"You better simmer down son, I was called away and now I'm down fortee grand and I wanna meet that fackin Irish Mick, pronto"
"Right, the office, five, be there this time"
"Oh I'll be there"

Later...

"'allo boys, d'ya have a point loined up fer yer old mate?"
"shut it Mick, we already did that"
"right, who's this then"
"'this' is fackin Charlie who's down fortee grand between you and young Tommy fackface 'ere"
"awright geezer take it easy, we'll sort it"
"I started this morning with 75 grands worth of ice and all I've got now is fackin ball-ache from talking to you two muppets, who's got the green?"
"not me"
"not me"

Then Charlie shot Tommy and a couple of his heavies took Irish outside for a beating, eventually he gave the diamonds back. Turned out Tommy's missus had organised the mugging and had it away to Costa with the fortee grand (and her tennis coach). Charlie was none the wiser but swore he'd find out "get every facker out there to turn over every fackin stone and get my fackin cash back".

He never did get it back.

JJ

Chicago House Spider

I was sitting watching my Michael Jackson live in Bucharest DVD when this little spider ran half way across the living room and kicked my on the side of my foot really hard. I said "what the hell was that?"

He said "my web, jackass, you broke my web, Sunday afternoon when you was gettin the hose out to water the hydrangers", I said "oh, so it's you building the web across the shed door every fucking week, can't you see what a stupid place that is for a web? It's a thoroughfare"
"Damned right it's a thoroughfare, that's why I'm there bitch. Flies coming in and out all day I had to fight for that spot, then you come along with your hose, it's because I'm black isn't it?"
"black? All spiders are black"
"but they ain't all got soul, see, I'm a House Spider, it's all here motherfucker" he said putting his little hairy fist to his heart.

Anyway we had a beer and laughed it off, turned out he was into the Eighties Chicago House sound, Def Jam and all that. I've got a couple of those vinyl's, bet you didn't exthpect that. Steve Davis collects vinyl. Nobody exthpected that.

I've got a twitter widget now somewhere along the left hand side of this Blogger. So far I am just twittering on about what I'm doing - when convenient - but it's really tempting to just write silly nonsense on there.

But this is for that, isn't it?

What?

JJ

Jensen Button and Greek Salad

Now that it's a crap English driver stealing the Formula One championship it's ok to say so without sounding sour graped, or worse. Jenson Button has been in the sport for some years and never won a single race, this season he's the winningest :-O driver. If he was a sprinter he'd be under strong suspicion of drug abuse like what Carl Lewis said about Linford Christie. I agreed with Carl but I didn't say anything. I wanted to part of the complicit establishment, like Jack Nicholson when he said "eeeeh! you can't handle the truth aarrgh!" but nobody asked me.

We know Jenny Buttocks isn't the best driver, he's lucky if he's top ten, so this is no a longer sport is it? Unless building a car is a sport now.

Well why not? Why not put all the parts on the floor for ten cars and have the teams build them and drive one lap. Put that in the olympics, it's how fast you can build the car. Why isn't cooking an olympic sport? See how fast you can make a lasagna with greek salad, if there were medals for cooking I'd definately give Delia Smith one.

Ok but seriously, which of these is a real Current Affair, not just some made up bollocks:

1. Eleven men walked on the moon, so why the fuck has all my spinach died? No wonder they can't solve the food shortage.
2. G W Bush Jnr invaded Iraq because Saddam CIA Hussain Obama said "I stayed in office longer than your dad, so who won the first Gulf war? Who's your daddy?"
3. The very absolute least the major banks could do is write off Michael Jackson's debts after he took the heat off those theiving scumbags
4. Now that Afghanistan has regained it's status as Number One global herion exporter, is it time for the Allies to pull out?

So, now I can publicly declare that Kimi Raikonnen is crappest driver to be champion since Damon Hill. But Damon Hill is still the worst and least credible champion I can think of. The only good thing about Damon is he never cheated, unlike Michael Schumaker in 1996. So roll on Jenniffer Buttmunch and good luck with Sports Personality of the year, I hope you win it because you really need one.

That's enough celebrity baiting, now to lay a trial of clover, dandelion leaves, pansies and chicory to bait that Tortoise. Come on Herman get your chops around this little lot. You'll never guess who clued me in to his favourite titbits....he he he he...

JJ