Monday, 1 September 2008

Hurry up and shoot it! I'm Starving

Have you seen what's going on over the road, that dirty old man has got a woman in half his age, she used to be a "model", you know what that means don't you? Her sister's a single mum and her brother in law (ex) has to go to court yet for shooting a moose without a licence. What the moose needs a license for I don't know but it'll end badly for the whole family, especially if it comes out in court that she eats caribou hot dogs. Why do they have to talk about hot dogs? Those sort of women always talk about hot dogs, it's not right for a conservative republican.

It obvious what she's after, that old fella's already got one foot in the grave, it won't be long and she'll cop the lot, if she hasn't already - nudge nudge.

It's all gone downhill now, since that other fella moved in. They say he doesn't know foreign policy but am I the only one who's noticed he's black? He must know something, if a black man doesn't know foreign policy then we might as well give up. Someones going to say something soon and that's going to be the end of him. It's like breaking up with someone, once it's out in the open everyone chimes in "to be honest we were all bit uncomfortable with you hooking up with a patio set, the dynamics were all wrong", until then everyone's saying "wow you two were made for each other, you're so lucky my relationship is like medieval torture with side salad", who the heck eats side salad? They bring it out, they take it back, why can't they work it out? A burger with side salad is just a burger.

Yep, come November they'll all be saying "of course I voted for the woman didn't you see the other guy? Are you blind?" Unless of course one of his children has a puppy, preferably a five year old girl who likes to sing cute songs. If that happens well, the old man and his new running "mate" will have to say "well, we didn't want to bring children into it but they've dragged us down their level" (shhhhhhsshhh.... she's got a baby with down's syndrome...shhushhhhh, that's the trump card)

Come December every KFC worker will have to face a thousand people a day saying "didn't you run for president?". If he wins a red-neck will shoot him and if he loses some KFC worker will shoot him. On that same subject, did you know it was Michael Jackson's birthday on Friday? The peter pan of pop is fifty, why he hasn't been shot by a red-neck is beyond me. I think those boys have been out in them woods sucking each other's dicks for too long, they've lost touch. When is Jackson going to run for president? He's neither black nor white and frankly is he a man or a woman? I don't know. He's the perfect candidate. He can sing and he's got loads of puppies, I've never seen them but he's always asking the kids to come and have look.

So that's what I reckon, the down's syndrome baby will win and that will trigger a lot of anger and cynicism against politics, as most election campaigns do. It could even lead to a re-election which will then be a landslide for the democrats. Ok that last bit is unlikely, there will be smartarse comments on Letterman and Leno for a week. That's how people protest in decadent societies.

The really funny stuff will happen in the next British election, just what is Gordon learning from this? Will he divorce his wife and marry a black woman or go into a civil partnership with a 72 year old man? He must realise he isn't going to win on his own merit or personality.

And now to finish by using a sports quote cleverly adapted to politics; There are some people on the TV, they think it's politics....it is now!

JJ

6 comments:

SpanishGoth said...

Apparently vodka and your brain are mutually exclusive company.

Hoorah - bring on the clowns

JolietJake said...

It was a bit edgy but you have make those calls if you want to survive in this game.

zoe said...

I admire your imagination - it made me run for the loo shouting "Oh JJ, JJ, JJ" - and then I peed.

JolietJake said...

peeing is an usual way to show admiration, but gratefully accepted thanks

Mr Farty said...

I've just got around to reading this. I'd got through the whole of the first paragraph before I realised what you were wittering on about, so I had to read it again.

Well it made me laugh.

JolietJake said...

I'm content with this wittering outlet although I've lost count of the number times I've said "this is a waste of bloody time, who cares anyway?"

Ok, it was 39 times, I admit it.