Monday, 30 June 2008

KickBladder 7: Ballacks

It's been a good summer so far, I managed to get out of Brussels twice and get some sun. I need it, I suffer from SAD. I've had Seasonal Affected Disorder since before it was even recognised as a thing. You might think that moving to Brussels would be a bad move for me with this condition but it's ok, the key is in the word "seasonal". If it's shit weather all year round, it doesn't bother me. On the contrary, because that's off my mind I can focus on other stuff.

Well, as soon as I think of something I'm going to do it. Unlike the German team. I would have been one hundred and five Euro to the good this morning, instead I'm looking at forty (again). At least I didn't lose, unlike the German team. Yes there was a bias to the whole series of kickbladder reports, this "writer" was sold and bought before a single bladder was kicked. There you have the truth, it's up to you to handle it, welcome to the real coffee.

But "what's next?" I hear you opine, you got over that pretty quickly, well I'll tell you. The Olympiad, yes The Games, The Torch, The Spirit, everything, that's where I'm headed. Metaphorically anyway. In reality I'll be sitting in front of the tv with a Chinese takeaway waiting for the Men's 100m sprint, I don't know what the rest of it is about. I did triple jump at school and was quite good at it but I couldn't help wondering at the arbritaryness of it. Why "hop, skip, jump?" what does that prove? why not "wave your arms in the air, pretend to laugh, and cross the street to avoid your girlfriends best friend", there's a skill I could use.

On the other hand old Bob Mugabe won his election, shame I didn't have money on that. That's were the Germans went wrong, they weren't armed and they didn't kill or maim the opposition in the run up to the game. There are many parallels with sport and politics, for example Gordon Brown and Michael Ballack, Gordon looks older but you could easily be excused for thinking they are related. Try to imagine either of them smiling, it's difficult isn't it? Am I right in thinking it was also Bob Mugabe who coined the phrase "making a storm out of a teacup" in reference to the South African threats to cut off electricity to Zimbabwe for late payment of bills? It was on the BBC website as I recall.

What I don't understand is, with all these teenagers knifing each other why don't we have a decent fencing team in Great Britain? and why is it called "fencing"? Why not "The Sword Fight", it would be much more popular. Kids don't understand "fencing". If you asked fifty kids to be in school at seven am for the sword fight, they'd be there. Ask Bruce Dickinson, he set up his own fencing school.

Have you noticed how I don't put nice links to Wikipedia to explain things like "teenagers" and "Great Britain", I've noticed a lot of people do that and frankly I find it patronising. Don't click on that, you know it's going to be silly. The other reason is that I can't be bothered, you're not paying for this so what do I care if you don't know that Bruce is the lead singer of Iron Maiden and was a national fencing champion. I don't know if he was actually champion, look it up.

The good thing about the intermediate summer is there aren't so many flies, they don't like the cold. I don't know how they even know what temperature it is, they can't read. Flying is hard work and flying things generally have to eat a lot of food just to keep going. The problem for flies is they eat shit so they'll have to eat ten times as much to get the same nutrients. And there's another parallel with politicians, because they talk shit they have to say ten times as many things to give the impression that they might be saying something useful. Unless it's sunny, when it's sunny nobody give's a rats backside about politics, including politicians.

I should be in politics, but before that I should be in bed. And that's another parallel with politicians but I'm sure you can work that one out yourself (I'm sleeping alone).




zoe said...

But you've got all of this week to sort out Wimbledon. You wuss.

JolietJake said...

I stopped watching after Vijay Armritaj did a cameo in a Bollywood film.

Tennis women are too scary now, I don't think I could ever approach a woman with an arse like a bear trap.