Monday, 23 June 2008

KickBladder 5 : Toil and Trouble

How much more of this is there for heavens sake? The Game is bad enough with all that rolling about on the floor wailing and gnashing of teeth but why do we have to have all this drivel around it? I'll tell you why; because of society. Society has got a lot to answer for. If people stop writing rubbish then people will stop reading rubbish, but as long as people keep reading it, other people will keep writing it. What is wrong with people? And it's always 'them', they can't drive on motorways, they can't parallel park, they buy tabloids, drink the cheap beer, pay ridiculous prices for replica football shirts, not to mention package holidays, creases in jeans, overpriced mangoes, disgusting take-away food and hair gel, where will it end? We're all going to hell in a handcart and the only thing we can think about is "will there be a meal? perhaps I should bring something just in case" Don't bother, because for most people it's a pretty short trip, I'm just taking some water.

That's better, now back to the staple; It's been so long since Italy did anything that didn't smack of corruption that it's just part of their make up now. If they aren't cheating they just wouldn't know what else to do, play The Game? "How do you do that then?". I think they can comprehend losing but they are baffled as to why they didn't get any penalties during the game. On the other hand the French can walk off with yet another Gallic shrug, "we had the best team but we played badly and lost, what's for dinner?". The Dutch could argue they had the best team but there's nothing funny about being Dutch and the Portugese will certainly argue they had the best team but they can't argue about their cheating. It was really poor quality cheating. The Italians must have had a good laugh at Ronaldo's attempts to buy free kicks, he's a good cheat by English standards but he isn't quite up to European level just yet.

The Germans just carry on oblivious to everything, they could be playing against a herd of wildebeest and they'd still keep the same formation and win one - nil. The vengeful Turks overturned the Croats who walked off the pitch in tears. Again, what is it with footballers and crying? Are they still trying to be "New Man"? That stuff is finished, I believe we are back to the stiff upper lip and best foot forward, which is the proper conduct for a Gentleman. Ahhh, there you go, "Gentlemen" don't play football, they play Cricket, with the obvious exception of Pakistan. Scratching their balls with bottle tops is no behaviour for a cricket pitch or any field of sport. We haven't forgotten Bob Woolmer you know, we're watching you.

So, the answer is there are three games left. The Germans are now required to dispatch the vengeful Turks and then face the Russians or Spanish, most likely the Russians. In the meantime, the Zimbabwean opposition leader has gone into hiding in the Dutch embassy and Gordon Brown has gone to Jeddah to convince Obi Wan Kanobe to invest in British Nuclear Energy, bloody idiot. Sarkozy is trying to convice us that Peter Mandelson coerced the Irish to vote "No", proving that the age of the barmy, ranting short-arse is far from over. I'm not sure how the Belgian Election worked out, it's been over a year now and I remember an interim government being appointed but it's been quiet since. Maybe we should check the Dutch embassy to see if they're hiding anything else. All in all there's a lot bubbling under the surface but a watched pot never boils. The second you take your eye off the ball, it's all going to kick off. Like a coiled spring waiting to pounce like a cat on the prowl.

See, it's garbage, stop reading it, stop now.

Stop it.


For Pete's sake, give it a rest.


There's no more, I've already signed it twice, bugger off!



Honey said...

use whatever power you have to get turkey to be pulled out of the game completly, if they loose I'm scared and if they win it'll be another all night party and i'll get no sleep again. i'm exhausted, i'm happy they are happy, truly, but i can't sleep which is making me ratty, so do you have that power, can you make it stop? please?

JolietJake said...

I'm flattered but I don't have much influence over the Turks, can't speak the language. I live opposite a Portugese bar, it's lovely and quiet now.

Scouse Doris said...

I was watching Rai uno while trying to revise for my Italian exams and I saw the highlights of the Spain-Italy game.

I'm not much of a fan but it looked like a good game - then again I was looking at the highlights.

zoe said...

They lost! Honey will finally get some sleep.

Well, I think they lost ... I fell asleep.

JolietJake said...

doris: the nil - nil draw that spain won on penalties? what highlights?

zoe: future generations will say that was the best game of the tournament, just pretend you were out.

Scouse Doris said...

Well.......I guess it was all the near misses then....It WAS from the Italian point of view after all.

JolietJake said...

the Italians were awful, you're not making any sense at all now