Tuesday, 4 December 2007

Happy Feet

I forgot to fill in the sandwich order this morning so I had to get a sandwich from the gas station (the same one that poisoned me during the 2006 world cup). There I noticed Humo is giving away "Happy Feet" and that somehow stoked my boiler.

Anyone who is about to say "Happy Feet is one of those really clever kids films that adults can watch too", shut, the fuck, up.

I've seen Shark's Tale and Finding Nemo, these films are for children under 10, and that's all. I can understand parents enjoying these films, I expect your children dominate the TV and 90% of what you watch is aimed at children. The reality is, you have become attuned to that level. Childrens films haven't changed, you have changed, but of course you can't see it.

But it's not just parents, single people are peddling this horseshit too. But what kind of single people? Is it the same people who are suffering from the "obesety epidemic"? up to their eyes in debt and still living with their parents well into their thirties. There is a school of thought that a whole new group of society is spawning thirty something people with the mentality of teenagers. These people have never had to work for anything and so they simply don't grow up.

Well it makes perfect sense to me. The whole notion of films being multi-layered is "big daddy pants with skid marks". If it's true that films work in multi-layers like this then please send your kid's to my place and we'll watch the "Saw" films together, or Seven, Van Helsing etc. I've got a whole collection of films which are not suitable for kids which I why I know HAPPY FEET IS A FUCKING CHILDRENS FILM.

But while I'm on the subject I'll have a dig a couple of other charlatans who deserve everything they get (they get rich but that's not what I meant). Firstly, of course, JK Rowling. Author of CHILDRENS BOOKS, shit ones. Not one single original idea. There are some people, on this planet, who think JKR has a deep understanding of the Occult and Pagan Ritual. It's mainly people who don't know what the fuck they're talking about; people who's experience of the Occult is limited to The Daily Shite's horoscope section. Of course! It can only be these slow witted dunderheads who are buying "Harry Potter and The Bollocks Talking Shit Peddler" in their droves. Marketing people worked out decades ago the best way to make people buy something they don't want or need is to just keep saying to them "this is really good, you want this", that's what's happened to all you Harry Potter reading adults.

Next; Dan Brown. CHARLATAN! This brazen plagiarist had the bloody nerve to stand up in court and claim he didn't copy the entire Da Vinci story from the eighties book "The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail". Lies! Why can't he admit it? HBHG is non-fiction, he would be perfectly entitled to quote it as research for a book of fiction. Only problem is, it isn't a few paragraphs here and there, it's the entire bloody book! I laughed my hat off when I heard the Hollywood writer's strike has delayed the movie production of his next dirge. The "prequel" no less, is there anything original in his sorry horses arse of a repertoire?

Well, I'm happy now, I might take the penguin out my arse and sit down.

JJ

5 comments:

Aku said...

That was a big penguin then, brilliant! Thanks for making me laugh! I agree with you on Harry Potter and Dan Brown. What a load of well-marketed shite!

Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Calm down dear, it's only a commercial. I thoroughly enjoyed Happy Feet, I'll have you know. I'm not sure about this Golden Compass one that's just coming out, the book was very weird. I'm with you on Dan Brown, he should be doubly crucified, firstly for plagiarism (Lincoln, Leigh and Baigent had to pay up in the end although they were in the right - but the publicity meant their reprint of THBATHG sold a lot more copies too so maybe they were all in cohoots) and secondly for appallingly bad writing and not doing any research about Paris.

JolietJake said...

aku: where do you get the cheek? I won't comment on the size of my penguin, it's personal

dw-b: maybe we should organise a public lynching, there simply isn't enought of that these days people are getting away with all sorts of nonsense.

SpanishGoth said...

I like the penguin where it is....

the BIGGER the better

(but you did make me laugh cochise)

JolietJake said...

cochise kicks tonto's ass any day so I'll take that as an upgrade, woo hoo!

but the penguin? nah, he's got happy feet now, he's freeeee!!!!