Tuesday, 6 November 2007

This Sauce is OK

A short play about three evil Golf Club Presidents and barbecue sauce.

The Players:

The General. Leader of one of those foreign countries that no one hears about unless there's a flood, earthquake or war. A military dictator, obviously.

Vlad the Inhaler (he's out of his tree!). A popular leader, very successful at home but we don't like him because "he's foreign so he must be up to something".

Small Bush. The Boy-King of The Empire, some people say he's simply too young to understand what's going on around him, others say he's just simple.

Act 1. After the summer break, the evil geniuses get together around a jacuzzi in Geneva.

Small : Surprised to see you here General, I heard you were going to be electrocuted

The General : Elected you idiot, I was going to get elected but I changed my mind. There's too much risk of losing if you ask people to vote

Small : But you're not supposed to stay after two "Turns" it has to be someone else's Turn now, it's in the constipation, I read it.

The General : Nah, I declared a state of emergency, I can play as long as I like now

Small : Wish I'd thought of that

Vlad : That's your trouble, you can't think, you're a fucking idiot. What about my idea of being "Prime Minister" I can do that and still play for free.

The General : Forget it Vlad, the Boy will never work that out, he'll have to re-write the constitution and frankly I'm surprised he can write his own name.

Small : I'm not listening to you guys, last time those little yellow guys told me they had a way of scoring 100% in every electrocution. When I tried it I only got 44, then daddy and Jeb had to stay up all night and make new tickets to put in those funny little boxes.

Vlad : Like I said, you're an idiot, you don't deserve to win.

The General : Tell you what Small, I'll send some more of those blowy-uppy people over to your place then you can declare a state of emergency too.

Small : I dunno about that, it's a bit scary, I'll have to ask my dad. Why don't we just pay the membership out of our oily dollars?

The General : haaahaar, ha ha ah ah, raahaaah! love American comedy, this boy kills me, he really does

Vlad : ha! membership?? can I have extra sauce on mine? ah ha ah ha

Fade and pan left, focus on a picnic table supporting a bottle of OK Barbecue Sauce bathed in the morning dew as the sun sets in the distance and crickets cry "owzee!"

Roll Credits

Roll Debits

THE END

Well that's what I think. I'm not sure I like The General using my palindromic laugh though, and Vlad is definitely up to something with his cut down version, or is that just his accent? I can never tell with these things.

Hot Dog.

JJ

4 comments:

SpanishGoth said...

HA - and you think I'm mad ?!

Have you even seen your site on a proper computer?

OUT NOW - TWAT !!!

Well, that's how it reads given the overlay for Z's book.

Is it a Jimmy Sommerville campaign???

JolietJake said...

I've just commented MBIAT about that.

Bugger!

Henry North London said...

Keep to topic people...

I think the post is great It sums up the state of emergency in Pakistan very succinctly and I hope I spelt that right.

JolietJake said...

probably, I've diminished my mediocre spelling abilities since the advent of spell checkers (I don't really speak like that)

Thanks for the thumbs up, ignore that other fella he live's on a different planet (and he really speaks like that)