Thursday, 15 November 2007


My Great Great Grand Aunt, thrice removed, was a Fusilli in the Crimean War. It was a messy war, the Crime's were a particularly inventive and slippery people, very hard to prosecute in a civil court, almost impossible some would say.

My Great Great Grand Uncle, thrice removed, was a travelling Yogi in North Western Hindustan (India). He didn't care for war but he didn't care for much else either, marijuana grows wild in much of Hindustan so there are many travelling spiritualists and entertainers who didn't seem to get an awful lot done. In the end they had to compromise his pacifism with her buring desire to be a Fusilli.

Hence the family motto "fight pasta with pasta", we think that's it anyway, it was handed down by some chinese fellas, shortly after they invented pasta (yes, I say the Chinese invented pasta, read it again if you don't believe me). Could've been noodles too "fight noodles with noodles" or maybe it was a mistranslation of "stop throwing your noodles at me". In those days it was considered a great insult to throw a noodle at someone, much like today when Japanese people in hotels and restaurants will be offended if you offer them a tip and they will retort "don't throw your noodles at me!" only in Japanese.

When my ex-wife made pasta she usually added Garam Massala and Chillies to it and I like to put chilli sauce on my pizza. We would often reminisce about our ancestors fighting the crimean war whilst lying on a bed of nails and smoking a huge doobry.

How does lying on a bed of nails equate with spiritualisity? fair question. Well, its the masturbatory equivalent of acupunture, as soon as you lie down all your energy points are connected immediately, so of course it's all over very quickly. Not as good as the real thing but it get's you through the long winter nights. For those who are not so culturally aware, that's the difference between the Asian Superpowers, the Chinese way is driven my method and material profit, Indians focus more on the creative and sensual (I started that rumour).

I've gained over 78 kilos in the last 39 years, Gordon Bennett!


PS. does anyone know a good French teacher in the Brussels area? What about the Etterbeek commune, do they offer anything? Perhaps someone could teach me the lingo in exchange for computer related assistance or some other service?


MKWM said...

Crimean inventivity, Asian superpowers, Chinese ways, Indians creativeness and sensuality... Now now, JJ, "who do you think you are?"

In exchange for some other service you say? Doesn't it sound like fighting pasta with pasta? About French lessons (and joke aside), there must be something dans ta commune mais tout dépend de ta motivation, de ta disponibilité et du montant que tu es prêt à payer pour des cours privés. The first I found for you is this, they have evening courses starting at 6pm. Oh, and my comments will be in French from now on, you have been warned.

Daphne Wayne-Bough, said...

JJ, you are either drunk or have been spending too much time with Spanish Goth. I recommend French TV as a good way to get your ear attuned. Start with the news, the pictures will give you the background to the story.

JolietJake said...

minky : I happen think I'm more than qualified to letcher the chinese (and a bunch of others) on sensuality. I accept the challenge, you can write french and i'll write gibberish, again.

dwb : not drunk, hence not spent much time with SG either. errmm.. tried the french news before but I'll give it another spin if you say so.

Good of you both to give some tips though, shows that this internat lark is good for something other than porn.

MKWM said...

Daphné a raison, tu dois commencer par regarder divers programmes français et lire les sous-titres français. Mais au fait, pourquoi veux-tu apprendre cette langue?

Daphne is right, you must start by watching various French programmes and reading French subtitles. By the way, why do you want to learn that language?

See, I'm not making it too difficult for you this time, and I'm not at all challenging you here. Just giving a helping hand, that's all.

JolietJake said...

by jiminy minky! you're right, I understood that, je comprende la.

I want to learn proper because I plan to be here for a bit, I want to join in rather than stand on the sidelines and make cheap jibes at "the funny little foriegners". That's not really getting me anywhere so far.

MKWM said...

JJ, quand on veut, on peut!
Je ne connais pas ton niveau mais ce site te permettra de réviser ou d'apprendre facilement.

(JJ, start brushing up as free courses usually start in February in every commune but we'll have the opportunity to discuss all this soon enough)

JolietJake said...

now I didn't really understand much there, that's what gets me down, just when I think I'm getting somewhere...

MKWM said...

JJ, I was merely saying "where there's a will, there's a way".
There are plenty of exercises for you on line, all you need is to get started.