This one is called: Childhood
Hello, can I have one of those?
How much money have you got?
One pee
You need two pee for that one
But I've only got one pee
It's not enough
Can I give you one pee tomorrow?
No
Then what have you got for one pee?
You can have one of these
But those are really small
That's what you get for one pee
What if I come back when I have another pee?
We'll be shut at six
what time is it now?
Half past four
How many minutes is it left?
One hour thirty
I think I can make it but will you keep one of those for me
Yeh ok, whatever
Don't just say it because I'm really going to come back
Ok really, I'll keep it
Dad can I have one pee?
No, get inside and wash up for dinner
But I just need one pee
Do as you're told, get inside.
JJ
Friday, 14 August 2009
Monday, 10 August 2009
Food and Drugs
In America food is the same as drugs and they have one agency to control them both, the FDA. In January 2008 the FDA gave clearance to put cloned animals in the food chain. That would've raised a stink if someone died from it. Isn't this the same as experimenting on humans? I don't recall any trials of cloned animal food, they went straight to the shelf.
Saw that Sarah Palin's sister-in-law Diana was arrested for burglary. That's a scary family, do you think people would stop attacking America if the Palin family was in the whitehouse?
Gotcha! I tricked you, "people" stopped attacking America in 2001. In fact there was only one attack. Let's face it, it was an isolated incident. What the hell is wrong with these people going around attacking countries in the name of self defence? No country has ever attacked America, the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbour doesn't count, that was like a fox stealing a chicken and saying "I'll have the whole farm by the weekend m-----f-----". Sorry but I don't allow foxes to use expletives on my blog, one has to teach those little fuckers some manners or they take over the entire text.
If all of this leaves you feeling less that moved you should try Martha Volchok's colon cleansing recipe here, Martha's a real star in all matters colonic and this super recipe only takes nine days, if only Diana were alive to see this, she loved colonics and all that hippy shit. No not Sarah's sister-in-law, wait a minute, the Princess Diana also had a sister-in-law called Sarah and she was as mad a badger too. Hmmmmmm... or as the Dutch like to put it mhhhhhhh...
Get your Google out and look up Loco Moco, I'll explain later.
JJ
Saw that Sarah Palin's sister-in-law Diana was arrested for burglary. That's a scary family, do you think people would stop attacking America if the Palin family was in the whitehouse?
Gotcha! I tricked you, "people" stopped attacking America in 2001. In fact there was only one attack. Let's face it, it was an isolated incident. What the hell is wrong with these people going around attacking countries in the name of self defence? No country has ever attacked America, the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbour doesn't count, that was like a fox stealing a chicken and saying "I'll have the whole farm by the weekend m-----f-----". Sorry but I don't allow foxes to use expletives on my blog, one has to teach those little fuckers some manners or they take over the entire text.
If all of this leaves you feeling less that moved you should try Martha Volchok's colon cleansing recipe here, Martha's a real star in all matters colonic and this super recipe only takes nine days, if only Diana were alive to see this, she loved colonics and all that hippy shit. No not Sarah's sister-in-law, wait a minute, the Princess Diana also had a sister-in-law called Sarah and she was as mad a badger too. Hmmmmmm... or as the Dutch like to put it mhhhhhhh...
Get your Google out and look up Loco Moco, I'll explain later.
JJ
Monday, 3 August 2009
The Pirate Party, Sweden
It's not just the question of freely sharing files and copyrighted material. There's a new law in Sweden around monitoring internet traffic for security sensitive words, like "bloody Norwegians and their oil, we should never have given them freedom". It's the big brother thing. That's what the Pirates are going at, but they have to be real and get proper policy positions on other things too, like the Free Movement Of Workers Between Member Countries of the You-are-Peeing Onion, as a random example.
But in some countries they don't have copyright, like China and India "so what's the downside?" I hear you ask, I'll tell yer. Shit films, cheesy music, that's why they're ripping off western product and every other twat is an Elvis impersonator busy learning Jackson One dance steps.
If there's no copyright law no one will be investing $150 million to make Waterworld. Ok bad example, I don't know what Star Wars cost but it would never have been made if the investors had no protection for their ideas. Same goes for computer software, you say "I should be allowed to install Drug Trade Wars on my mum's laptop, I paid for it" but I say "chill the fuck out, what if I borrowed your Delta Goodrem cd and lent it to someone you've never met, how would you like that?"
Don't rush off to Google now and search for "Drug Trade Wars", I made it up, what kind of sick individual are you anyway? Installing this shit on your mum's laptop.
Usuary Laws - until 1854 it was illegal to charge more than 10% on any form of credit.
Banks have just been bailed out by taxpayers and are now making record profits and taking huge bonuses home in their fancy cars.
"Poor People", who paid the taxes, are still waiting for the economy to recover so that they can find work again.
So why don't the poor people all own bank shares now? Isn't that how capitalism works? Screwing the workers to pay the shareholders. The poor people should now profit from the shares they bought with their tax money, that's the system. If the government get's the profit, they have to reduce taxes right? You see, when it's the fat cats making money from share trades, it's the factory workers who are greasing those trades. In the bank scenario it's the bankers who should be greasing the palms of the shareholders (tax payers). But somehow, the bankers are still taking as much money home as they ever were.
Damn it, do we have a system or not? Surely we aren't just a bunch of peasants being ripped off by the land owners? Is this the middle ages again?
JJ
But in some countries they don't have copyright, like China and India "so what's the downside?" I hear you ask, I'll tell yer. Shit films, cheesy music, that's why they're ripping off western product and every other twat is an Elvis impersonator busy learning Jackson One dance steps.
If there's no copyright law no one will be investing $150 million to make Waterworld. Ok bad example, I don't know what Star Wars cost but it would never have been made if the investors had no protection for their ideas. Same goes for computer software, you say "I should be allowed to install Drug Trade Wars on my mum's laptop, I paid for it" but I say "chill the fuck out, what if I borrowed your Delta Goodrem cd and lent it to someone you've never met, how would you like that?"
Don't rush off to Google now and search for "Drug Trade Wars", I made it up, what kind of sick individual are you anyway? Installing this shit on your mum's laptop.
Usuary Laws - until 1854 it was illegal to charge more than 10% on any form of credit.
Banks have just been bailed out by taxpayers and are now making record profits and taking huge bonuses home in their fancy cars.
"Poor People", who paid the taxes, are still waiting for the economy to recover so that they can find work again.
So why don't the poor people all own bank shares now? Isn't that how capitalism works? Screwing the workers to pay the shareholders. The poor people should now profit from the shares they bought with their tax money, that's the system. If the government get's the profit, they have to reduce taxes right? You see, when it's the fat cats making money from share trades, it's the factory workers who are greasing those trades. In the bank scenario it's the bankers who should be greasing the palms of the shareholders (tax payers). But somehow, the bankers are still taking as much money home as they ever were.
Damn it, do we have a system or not? Surely we aren't just a bunch of peasants being ripped off by the land owners? Is this the middle ages again?
JJ
Saturday, 1 August 2009
Ku Klux Klan and Casino Guide
Bit of a side track here, many moons ago I used work in a casino and it hasn't been lost me that some people get a little starry eyed when I tell them that. Obviously it's very glamorous and high flying, working for minimum wage until 5am in Sheffield next to the Chinese Chippy, so let's have closer introspection on that.
Here are few terms you'll need to know if you want to play poker in the casino:
An Ace King Four and Seven is known as a "Machine Gun" (AK47), Ace Ace Eight Eight is a "dead man's hand" re: Wild Bill Hickok's hand when he was killed, four Kings is "the four horsemen", KKQQ = the mommas and the poppas, KKK = Three Wise Men / Ku Klux Klan, four Queens = the Village People, three Queens = Six Tits, JJ33 = Hookers with Crabs (I don't actually understand that one), 9966 = dinner for four, 3333= forest four trees, 222 = Huey, Dewey and Louie, 555 = Pork Chop Sandwiches (WTF?)
The thing about the KKK is that they are just like us really, a bunch of ordinary people. Some of them know how to make websites, as we can see, and some of them know enough not to be associated with KKK in public. That's how you know it's a bone fide set up, it's only the bigotry that set's them apart really, and yet somehow that's enough to justify executing every last one of 'em.
But Casino's yes, people really do borrow money from sharks and get their legs broken. I saw a guy walk out with 15 grand, it took him two weeks to return it all to The House. He was addicted, as were many others. We had a filing cabinet full of PNG's (Persona Non Grata), known cheats, card counters and so on, each one would have multiple aliases, false ID's, disguises, lists of associates (other known cheats). All that information was shared with other Casino's in the UK and a few stars had trails all over Europe. And then one day a fella told me he could get video's of dog fights if I wanted to see them, I suspected he thought I'd help him win in exchange for this "favour", in hindsight I should have reported him to the police.
The dog fights guy was one of the normal customers, well that's what passes for normal in the Casino crowd.
We had little staff room where we would leave our overcoats and go for tea breaks, one day a number of people had items stolen from there, including money. It was saddening to think a colleague was stealing from us. This was the beginning of the end for me. Then a "new" duty manager started, turned out he'd been on a break since before I started working there. He'd had a nervous breakdown amidst rumours of game fixing and pending investigations, there were also tales of ganster connections so the mood was very pensive when that guy was on duty. Some of the younger staff dreamed of working on cruise ships, seeing the world, making a fortune. I never met anyone who actually did that. I met people who worked cruise ships but none who made their fortune.
I left as soon as I could find another job. I couldn't care less about what people did there except the thief, after that incident I just couldn't trust anyone.
Yes, there were plenty of lights, plenty of glitter and action, but glamour? No, there was more glamour in the Chinese chippy next door.
JJ
Here are few terms you'll need to know if you want to play poker in the casino:
An Ace King Four and Seven is known as a "Machine Gun" (AK47), Ace Ace Eight Eight is a "dead man's hand" re: Wild Bill Hickok's hand when he was killed, four Kings is "the four horsemen", KKQQ = the mommas and the poppas, KKK = Three Wise Men / Ku Klux Klan, four Queens = the Village People, three Queens = Six Tits, JJ33 = Hookers with Crabs (I don't actually understand that one), 9966 = dinner for four, 3333= forest four trees, 222 = Huey, Dewey and Louie, 555 = Pork Chop Sandwiches (WTF?)
The thing about the KKK is that they are just like us really, a bunch of ordinary people. Some of them know how to make websites, as we can see, and some of them know enough not to be associated with KKK in public. That's how you know it's a bone fide set up, it's only the bigotry that set's them apart really, and yet somehow that's enough to justify executing every last one of 'em.
But Casino's yes, people really do borrow money from sharks and get their legs broken. I saw a guy walk out with 15 grand, it took him two weeks to return it all to The House. He was addicted, as were many others. We had a filing cabinet full of PNG's (Persona Non Grata), known cheats, card counters and so on, each one would have multiple aliases, false ID's, disguises, lists of associates (other known cheats). All that information was shared with other Casino's in the UK and a few stars had trails all over Europe. And then one day a fella told me he could get video's of dog fights if I wanted to see them, I suspected he thought I'd help him win in exchange for this "favour", in hindsight I should have reported him to the police.
The dog fights guy was one of the normal customers, well that's what passes for normal in the Casino crowd.
We had little staff room where we would leave our overcoats and go for tea breaks, one day a number of people had items stolen from there, including money. It was saddening to think a colleague was stealing from us. This was the beginning of the end for me. Then a "new" duty manager started, turned out he'd been on a break since before I started working there. He'd had a nervous breakdown amidst rumours of game fixing and pending investigations, there were also tales of ganster connections so the mood was very pensive when that guy was on duty. Some of the younger staff dreamed of working on cruise ships, seeing the world, making a fortune. I never met anyone who actually did that. I met people who worked cruise ships but none who made their fortune.
I left as soon as I could find another job. I couldn't care less about what people did there except the thief, after that incident I just couldn't trust anyone.
Yes, there were plenty of lights, plenty of glitter and action, but glamour? No, there was more glamour in the Chinese chippy next door.
JJ
Saturday, 25 July 2009
London Cockney Ganster Types
"What's the s.p. on this one Charlie? Smack in the seats?"
"Naah, ice in the tank"
"Lovely, tidy job, I 'ate rippin' up the upholstery on a Jag, seems disrespectful in a way"
Tommy was taking delivery of a new smugglers car and was curious to the contents. It seemed this one didn't have heroin sewn into the seats but there were some diamonds in the fuel tank.
"You'll 'ave ter fence these sharpish, some fackin copper was sniffing round the office after the motor"
"Gotcha Charlie, I'll get onter Irish Mick he'll 'ave 'em away as soon as the tank's open"
"Sorted, I'll be in the office"
Charlie alerted Tommy that police were already tracing the stolen vehicle and had been asking at The Golden Lion pub, which they referred to as "The Office". Irish Mick got the name because his dad is Irish, his real name is Jonathan Kitchen.
"oil give yer turty grand and I'm rippin' me arm off so I am be-jesus"
"give it a fackin rest Mick, I know you're from Croydon"
"fack off then, 25 grand"
"I want fifty or I walk"
"fifty? this aint fackin Snatch, smell the fackin cockles Tom"
"It's Tommy to you, Irish, 'ave you even got any fackin money or wot?"
"here's fortee, take or leave it"
"done"
"done"
Tommy took the readies to the boozer but Charlie wasn't there, on the way out he was jumped by some eastern european types and they snatched the lolly.
"If I find out you had a hand in this Charlie I'll rip your fackin legs off"
"You better simmer down son, I was called away and now I'm down fortee grand and I wanna meet that fackin Irish Mick, pronto"
"Right, the office, five, be there this time"
"Oh I'll be there"
Later...
"'allo boys, d'ya have a point loined up fer yer old mate?"
"shut it Mick, we already did that"
"right, who's this then"
"'this' is fackin Charlie who's down fortee grand between you and young Tommy fackface 'ere"
"awright geezer take it easy, we'll sort it"
"I started this morning with 75 grands worth of ice and all I've got now is fackin ball-ache from talking to you two muppets, who's got the green?"
"not me"
"not me"
Then Charlie shot Tommy and a couple of his heavies took Irish outside for a beating, eventually he gave the diamonds back. Turned out Tommy's missus had organised the mugging and had it away to Costa with the fortee grand (and her tennis coach). Charlie was none the wiser but swore he'd find out "get every facker out there to turn over every fackin stone and get my fackin cash back".
He never did get it back.
JJ
"Naah, ice in the tank"
"Lovely, tidy job, I 'ate rippin' up the upholstery on a Jag, seems disrespectful in a way"
Tommy was taking delivery of a new smugglers car and was curious to the contents. It seemed this one didn't have heroin sewn into the seats but there were some diamonds in the fuel tank.
"You'll 'ave ter fence these sharpish, some fackin copper was sniffing round the office after the motor"
"Gotcha Charlie, I'll get onter Irish Mick he'll 'ave 'em away as soon as the tank's open"
"Sorted, I'll be in the office"
Charlie alerted Tommy that police were already tracing the stolen vehicle and had been asking at The Golden Lion pub, which they referred to as "The Office". Irish Mick got the name because his dad is Irish, his real name is Jonathan Kitchen.
"oil give yer turty grand and I'm rippin' me arm off so I am be-jesus"
"give it a fackin rest Mick, I know you're from Croydon"
"fack off then, 25 grand"
"I want fifty or I walk"
"fifty? this aint fackin Snatch, smell the fackin cockles Tom"
"It's Tommy to you, Irish, 'ave you even got any fackin money or wot?"
"here's fortee, take or leave it"
"done"
"done"
Tommy took the readies to the boozer but Charlie wasn't there, on the way out he was jumped by some eastern european types and they snatched the lolly.
"If I find out you had a hand in this Charlie I'll rip your fackin legs off"
"You better simmer down son, I was called away and now I'm down fortee grand and I wanna meet that fackin Irish Mick, pronto"
"Right, the office, five, be there this time"
"Oh I'll be there"
Later...
"'allo boys, d'ya have a point loined up fer yer old mate?"
"shut it Mick, we already did that"
"right, who's this then"
"'this' is fackin Charlie who's down fortee grand between you and young Tommy fackface 'ere"
"awright geezer take it easy, we'll sort it"
"I started this morning with 75 grands worth of ice and all I've got now is fackin ball-ache from talking to you two muppets, who's got the green?"
"not me"
"not me"
Then Charlie shot Tommy and a couple of his heavies took Irish outside for a beating, eventually he gave the diamonds back. Turned out Tommy's missus had organised the mugging and had it away to Costa with the fortee grand (and her tennis coach). Charlie was none the wiser but swore he'd find out "get every facker out there to turn over every fackin stone and get my fackin cash back".
He never did get it back.
JJ
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