Lots of people like Squirrels but they are quite naughty, they look naughty so they must be up to something. Last week one fell down the chimney at my mom's house. She had just had lunch and was going to catch forty winks on the sofa when there was a terrific thud and a commotion started up in the chimney.
Mom called the next door neighbour who in turn suggested a chimney sweep would be best equipped for it. The chimney sweep came and scratched his head for a bit and then asked for a plumber to remove the gas fire and shut off the gas. Eventually, they got to the squirrel, it was unharmed and as soon as it smelled fresh air it bolted for the patio. Luckily the door was open. There was a recently deceased bird in there too, in the chimney. The plumber said it was his sixth "squirrel in the chimney" call that week, blimey.
The squirrel was there for four hours in all, silly sod.
JJ
Thursday, 8 May 2008
Saturday, 3 May 2008
Carwash
JJ: I've joined a Gym
EB: what? why?
JJ: I was talking to the physio after I did my back and he recommended it
EB: does it help?
JJ: I've only been once
EB: how many times are you supoed to go?
JJ: I don't know
EB: how will know when you're fixed
JJ: when it stops hurting I guess
EB: is it hurting now
JJ: no
EB:
EB: do you change to go to the gym?
JJ: nope, why?
EB: I thought I might try it
JJ: great you can come with me next time
EB: are you sure your not supposed to wear shorts or something?
JJ: the others do but I just go in my suit and shades
EB: nah, I'd be too self concious, forget it.
JJ: did you wash the car?
EB: nope
JJ: why not?
EB: i been busy
JJ: doing what?
EB:
JJ: ok, let's go to the carwash, there could be a song in it
EB: yep
So that's that, the physio signed me off and said do proper stretches after sports and that's all. Anyhow, I've just figured out what causes baldness; stress. When you're stressed and you put your hand to your head and rub/scratch it - that's what's making your hair fall out. I never do that becuase I put gel/wax in my hair so if I touch it I get that gunk on my hands. Still it doesn't explain why my pubic hairs haven't fallen out, though they are turning grey. I didn't expect that.
ok then,
JJ
EB: what? why?
JJ: I was talking to the physio after I did my back and he recommended it
EB: does it help?
JJ: I've only been once
EB: how many times are you supoed to go?
JJ: I don't know
EB: how will know when you're fixed
JJ: when it stops hurting I guess
EB: is it hurting now
JJ: no
EB:
EB: do you change to go to the gym?
JJ: nope, why?
EB: I thought I might try it
JJ: great you can come with me next time
EB: are you sure your not supposed to wear shorts or something?
JJ: the others do but I just go in my suit and shades
EB: nah, I'd be too self concious, forget it.
JJ: did you wash the car?
EB: nope
JJ: why not?
EB: i been busy
JJ: doing what?
EB:
JJ: ok, let's go to the carwash, there could be a song in it
EB: yep
So that's that, the physio signed me off and said do proper stretches after sports and that's all. Anyhow, I've just figured out what causes baldness; stress. When you're stressed and you put your hand to your head and rub/scratch it - that's what's making your hair fall out. I never do that becuase I put gel/wax in my hair so if I touch it I get that gunk on my hands. Still it doesn't explain why my pubic hairs haven't fallen out, though they are turning grey. I didn't expect that.
ok then,
JJ
Tuesday, 22 April 2008
Back to Back
I not allowed to go to the office because I've "put my back out", that's a first for me I've heard lot's of people say it but I've never done it before. I did it in the shower while standing on one leg to dry-off, not a really bad one but a notable milestone in the ageing process.
Earlier today I was lying on the physio's table being prodded and I thought:
JJ: this must be the lamest back problem ever
EB: why?
JJ: I'm sure this guy is doing his best to twist and poke until I scream in pain but it's just not happening
EB: he probably thinks you're faking it to get off work
JJ: work?
EB: the suit, he assumes you work
JJ: oh yeh, the suit
EB: so why are you faking it then?
JJ: I'm not faking, I don't even work
EB: oh yeh, it must have been those back flips in the church
JJ: prob'ly. It felt good though
EB: it looked good
JJ: thanks
EB: are you still going to the wine tasting on Thursday
JJ: you bet
EB: and "The Goat or who is Sylvie?" on Friday?
JJ: yep
EB: I'm proud of you Jake
JJ: thanks Elwood. I'm glad we had a chance to talk about this, it means a lot
EB:
JJ: yeh
Fortunately I can watch the snooker from this position so it's not all bad. Don't forget it's St George's day tomorrow, I might run up to Stonemanor and get some John Smith's in.
JJ
Earlier today I was lying on the physio's table being prodded and I thought:
JJ: this must be the lamest back problem ever
EB: why?
JJ: I'm sure this guy is doing his best to twist and poke until I scream in pain but it's just not happening
EB: he probably thinks you're faking it to get off work
JJ: work?
EB: the suit, he assumes you work
JJ: oh yeh, the suit
EB: so why are you faking it then?
JJ: I'm not faking, I don't even work
EB: oh yeh, it must have been those back flips in the church
JJ: prob'ly. It felt good though
EB: it looked good
JJ: thanks
EB: are you still going to the wine tasting on Thursday
JJ: you bet
EB: and "The Goat or who is Sylvie?" on Friday?
JJ: yep
EB: I'm proud of you Jake
JJ: thanks Elwood. I'm glad we had a chance to talk about this, it means a lot
EB:
JJ: yeh
Fortunately I can watch the snooker from this position so it's not all bad. Don't forget it's St George's day tomorrow, I might run up to Stonemanor and get some John Smith's in.
JJ
Monday, 14 April 2008
The Mob
This is a true and fairly gruesome story of torture which was told to us by the tour guide on the Edinburgh Ghost Tour. But it's not about Ghosts, it's about real people so don't read it if blood makes you queasy.
Many, many years ago Edinburgh was famous for it's "Mob". The Mob wasn't a specific gang, just the rank and file city dwellers. The Mob would hang around the market square, baying for blood of an evening because that's where the public floggings and executions took place. There could be several executions on some evenings, but the Mob were never satisfied, every night the literally bayed "Blood. Blood. Blood".
One night in the seventeenth century, a couple of Englishmen were arrested in one of the taverns. There was no discussion, they weren't even told what they had done wrong, the guards marched them up to the square and the Mob quickly gathered and started chanting and baying.
They we're put up against the wall and the first treatment was 20 lashes to the bared backs, the lashes had glass embedded in them. Next they were given the fixed smiles where each cheek is cut from the hinge of the jaw almost each corner of the mouth, then a punch to the stomach causes the final split and showers the mob in blood.
One of the men then had his ears sliced off and thrown to the crowd , nails hammered into his ear-holes. The other had is tongue pulled and clamped at the base. The effect is that the tongue swells up with blood until it explodes, again showering the mob with blood. They liked that.
That was enough, the men were taken to the edge of town and released, no-one knows what happened to them. They were never told what they had done wrong. After they were taken away, the charges were read to the mob. One was accused of saluting the King, the other was accused of listening.
They were both English Royalists.
JJ
Many, many years ago Edinburgh was famous for it's "Mob". The Mob wasn't a specific gang, just the rank and file city dwellers. The Mob would hang around the market square, baying for blood of an evening because that's where the public floggings and executions took place. There could be several executions on some evenings, but the Mob were never satisfied, every night the literally bayed "Blood. Blood. Blood".
One night in the seventeenth century, a couple of Englishmen were arrested in one of the taverns. There was no discussion, they weren't even told what they had done wrong, the guards marched them up to the square and the Mob quickly gathered and started chanting and baying.
They we're put up against the wall and the first treatment was 20 lashes to the bared backs, the lashes had glass embedded in them. Next they were given the fixed smiles where each cheek is cut from the hinge of the jaw almost each corner of the mouth, then a punch to the stomach causes the final split and showers the mob in blood.
One of the men then had his ears sliced off and thrown to the crowd , nails hammered into his ear-holes. The other had is tongue pulled and clamped at the base. The effect is that the tongue swells up with blood until it explodes, again showering the mob with blood. They liked that.
That was enough, the men were taken to the edge of town and released, no-one knows what happened to them. They were never told what they had done wrong. After they were taken away, the charges were read to the mob. One was accused of saluting the King, the other was accused of listening.
They were both English Royalists.
JJ
Sunday, 6 April 2008
Birthday Sword
Last week, on 1st April it was indeed the first birthday of this blogspot. Hooray! In lieu of celebration I've copied this super article from an Australian news website. It was either that or "best of the year" clips which would have been woefully short. The article was published on April 01 but it's not a joke, it makes reference to another article which I can remember reading about six or eight months ago.
-------------------------------------
Children's TV puppet kills 'impure' Bush. From correspondents in Gaza
April 01, 2008 07:44pm
Reuters
BRANDISHING "the sword of Islam", a Palestinian boy stabbed US President George W. Bush to death in a new puppet show for children aired by Hamas-owned television in the Gaza Strip.
"You are a criminal, Bush, a despicable man. You made me an orphan. You deprived me of everything," said the hand-held puppet, representing a child and accusing the US President of killing his family in Iraq and in Gaza in collusion with Israel.
The programme was broadcast on Hamas's al-Aqsa television, which has used puppets and cartoon characters in the past to illustrate the Islamist movement's battle against Israel and opposition to US support for the Jewish state.
No one was available at the station to comment on the show.
"I must take my revenge with the sword of Islam," the puppet-child said, stabbing the Bush puppet several times in the chest and ignoring pleas of "I repent, just don't kill me" – and an invitation to a toy-filled White House.
"I killed him," the puppet said, accusing Bush of being "impure" and vowing the White House would be turned into a mosque.
Last year, al-Aqsa television aired a programme starring a Mickey Mouse clone, Farfur, who urged children to fight Israel in the name of Islam. Farfur was killed off, on-air, by an actor posing as an Israeli security agent.
----------------------------------
The boy makes some insightful comments about Bush but I'm not comfortable with this "sword of Islam" in a childrens show. Couldn't he beat him to death with a Zebedee (from Magic Roundabout)? That's a biblical name, probably Jewish, so it could be ironic and educational at the same time as teaching children that it's ok to kill president Bush and turn the Whitehouse into a Mosque.
When I was at school I wanted to be an astranort, now I can't even spell it. That's the lesson I would teach the muslim kids, it's ok to dream about being an interior decorator in Washington but you should be prepared to end up working at Direct Line insurance claims in downtown Baghdad. It's not glamorous but there's plenty of work.
Imagine the application form for Motor Insurance "If you are planning to strap-on explosives and drive this car into a crowded market, tick 'yes' and proceed to question 14 - Third Party Damage Waiver".
I never really liked Mickey Mouse, I wouln't object if he was killed on air by Israeli security agents but it would be even better if they did him in one of those Alien vs Predator films. Alien and Predator vs Mickey Mouse and Goofy, let the carnage begin!
Happy Birthday to Me!
JJ
-------------------------------------
Children's TV puppet kills 'impure' Bush. From correspondents in Gaza
April 01, 2008 07:44pm
Reuters
BRANDISHING "the sword of Islam", a Palestinian boy stabbed US President George W. Bush to death in a new puppet show for children aired by Hamas-owned television in the Gaza Strip.
"You are a criminal, Bush, a despicable man. You made me an orphan. You deprived me of everything," said the hand-held puppet, representing a child and accusing the US President of killing his family in Iraq and in Gaza in collusion with Israel.
The programme was broadcast on Hamas's al-Aqsa television, which has used puppets and cartoon characters in the past to illustrate the Islamist movement's battle against Israel and opposition to US support for the Jewish state.
No one was available at the station to comment on the show.
"I must take my revenge with the sword of Islam," the puppet-child said, stabbing the Bush puppet several times in the chest and ignoring pleas of "I repent, just don't kill me" – and an invitation to a toy-filled White House.
"I killed him," the puppet said, accusing Bush of being "impure" and vowing the White House would be turned into a mosque.
Last year, al-Aqsa television aired a programme starring a Mickey Mouse clone, Farfur, who urged children to fight Israel in the name of Islam. Farfur was killed off, on-air, by an actor posing as an Israeli security agent.
----------------------------------
The boy makes some insightful comments about Bush but I'm not comfortable with this "sword of Islam" in a childrens show. Couldn't he beat him to death with a Zebedee (from Magic Roundabout)? That's a biblical name, probably Jewish, so it could be ironic and educational at the same time as teaching children that it's ok to kill president Bush and turn the Whitehouse into a Mosque.
When I was at school I wanted to be an astranort, now I can't even spell it. That's the lesson I would teach the muslim kids, it's ok to dream about being an interior decorator in Washington but you should be prepared to end up working at Direct Line insurance claims in downtown Baghdad. It's not glamorous but there's plenty of work.
Imagine the application form for Motor Insurance "If you are planning to strap-on explosives and drive this car into a crowded market, tick 'yes' and proceed to question 14 - Third Party Damage Waiver".
I never really liked Mickey Mouse, I wouln't object if he was killed on air by Israeli security agents but it would be even better if they did him in one of those Alien vs Predator films. Alien and Predator vs Mickey Mouse and Goofy, let the carnage begin!
Happy Birthday to Me!
JJ
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