I was explaining the term "Naval Gazing" to some Germans after our weakly badminton session, it came up because one of the group works in parliament and is taking a week off to study. It occurred to me that someone stated "Naval Gazing" as their occupation in their blog profile. Could be Zoe, I think that's her style. Anyway, that lead me think I haven't blogged for a few days so here's some stuff I've thunk about:
This was told to me by more than one person in Denmark so I'm assuming it's true. The annual Father Christmas convention happens in the last week of July every year in Copenhagen, two years ago the Finns were ostracised for claiming that Santa comes from Rovaniemi in Finnish Lapland. The Finns have their own Father Christmas convention now, they won't be allowed back into the global one until they renounce their belief. I'm with the others, I don't think big fat jovial people in red costumes would come from Finland, frankly I don't think they'd go there either, costumed or otherwise.
---------------------------------
According to the opening web-site template provided by Apple "HTML... is what webmasters and designers use", "To create an HTML web page in Microsoft Word, all you have to do is choose Save as HTML".
Is anyone fooled by this? Do you really think you can create your own version of "You Tube" in Microsoft Word just by clicking "Save as HTML"? If you're even thinking about trying it, you are a seriously deluded individual. This is the equivalent of saying you can start your own country by declaring your back-yard to be independent territory. Make sure you've paid off your mortgage but that's going to be the least of your problems.
On the other hand this is aimed at Mac users so let me just explain - the first paragraph is real, the second paragraph IS A JOKE. DO NOT try to start your own country, there are enough people laughing at you already you don't need any more.
---------------------------------
I saw a "report" on CNN about dangerous Chinese exports. After the usual numbers; the US imports $230 million more than they export to China, they told us about Thomas the Tank Engine toys containing Lead Paint. An interview with a "Toy Industry Expert" confirmed it but then he said it's just a few bad apples etc.
What the hell is "a toy industry expert"? who does he work for? 80% of the WORLDS toys are made in China, if one has a problem does that make Chinese standards worse than US, UK or anywhere else. Seems to me they have a pretty good average overall. So is this story just a bunch of hokum made up by CNN? Of course it is. Is this going to stop Chinese imports and bring thousands of jobs back to America? Dream on, it's filthy propagandy by the fat cats who have outsourced manufacturing so when Americans complain about job losses they can blame the Chinese.
---------------------------------
I've been getting a lot of email lately about buying cheap drugs over the Internet, it's seems to go in phases. Is there really anyone dumb enough to believe that "no need to have a doctor recommendation" is a good thing? I can only think they keep sending this out because there must be some people responding to it, incredible, here's the whole thing:
Enjoy the Security, Competence Low-Priced Prices and Excellence Benefit mainly trusted On-Line Canadian Drug Store.
We take over 2000 Trade Name and General medicines. We are the major web-based drugstore in Canada we are able purchase at the low probable prices. We then hand our investments onto you.
No need to have a doctor recommendation to request from our company.
We can even set you up on express re-buy so you don't have to be anxious about running out of your medical treatment.
For great saving check us out: www.{deleted by JJ for your protection}.org
Hmmmm... Canadian? I think not, these people are barely literate you'd have to be mad to buy anything from these clowns. Mad, mad, barmy, doolally, dippy, probably loopy and a tad fruity if not completely stark staring bonkers altogether. (Who say's English isn't a rich and colourful language, I think it's fucking maarvellous!)
---------------------------------
Finally (about bloody time), I might have mentioned this before but I just can't shake it from my head. This happened the first time I went to visit the commune administration in Etterbeek. The Foreigners registration bit is downstairs, in the dinghy basement, a large lobby area with doors all around leading to various offices. I went to the one I thought was right and knocked, a fat bloke opened the door and after I explained my situation he sent me to the next door along. I knocked on that door and bloody hell, the same bloke opened it and let me in. The office was narrow, about 12 yards (10.92 metres) long with a door at each end. When we went over to his desk I realised it was bang in front of the first door I'd knocked on! This seemed perfectly normal to him, I couldn't stop thinking "Monty Python". He could've signed me up for a mud-wrestling contest with Kylie Minogue, I wouldn't have noticed, I just couldn't take that guy seriously.
---------------------------------
That's all for this session, next time we can talk about something you like to do (yeh, right!)
JJ
Thursday, 23 August 2007
Sunday, 12 August 2007
Travel XI, Danish Cricket
I wrote this yeterday so it's out of date, I had rather a good day today but I'll tell that another time. I didn't publish this yesterday because I was tanked, I guess I just don't trust myself;
10 August 2007
Fuck me, I'd rather be in Brussels even though I constantly slag it when I'm there. What I'm really saying is I'd rather be with girlfiend, I invited her out here but she turned me down. That might sound odd but she had good reasons and none of it was my fault.
No need to mope though, I went down to Tivoli to see a free concert, if you think "free" means "shit", think again. Tivoli has all sorts of fairground rides and a couple of roly-coasters (see Larry Sanders). There's heaps of bars and restaurants, so it's easily worth the 79 Crowns to get in, but what got me was - this is a typical outdoor do, sound system like the arse end of a space shuttle and improvised bars dotted around the place, but - the beer is cheaper in there than the boozer accross the road!? eh? On top of that, the Danes are just chillin' and enjoying the music, there's no queue at the bar, ever! It's goes without saying the place was strewn with slinky blondes, it just seemed to good to be true and frankly it made me nervous.
In time honoured fashion I just quietly drank my drink and left politely. I knew the faux (yes that means "shit") English/Irish bars were more expensive but I can't really enjoy a drink when everyone around me is smiling and stepping aside to let me get to the bar. It was a futile search, there are no drunken louts in Copenhagen, well there are but they're not loutish enough. I need to feel like I've escaped a war zone to be able get a good nights sleep, I miss Leeds at times like this.
Shanghai Sam's Karaoke bar looked promising (in the sense that "I have to see this shit") until I got inside, this is hardcore Karaoke you don't hear the singer because the whole pub is singing (shouting). It was full to the rafters even though they charge 30 Crowns to get in, looked like a lot of regulars and no doubt there would be drunken shenanigans later, but not for me.
I sneaked accross the road to another English style pub. "Style" being the operative, they have "Leffe Blond/Brown" and Hoegarden on tap. I felt strangely at home sitting in frong of the Leffe taps but not enough to venture a glass, the Tuborg was doing a more than Stella job so I didn't feel the need to change.
However, after I'd fulfilled the prescription I did feel the need to get a cab back to the hotel. I contrived to let someone get in front of me in the queue so I could get in the second cab with the Eastern European looking bloke. I had a hunch he would be the quicker driver. I was right, he was a maniac, driving two inches up the next drivers arse and constantly flashing lights to get past, it was even better than being in Italy. He got a well earned tip, I can't drive like that even in Brussels but I watched and learned.
It hot here.
JJ
10 August 2007
Fuck me, I'd rather be in Brussels even though I constantly slag it when I'm there. What I'm really saying is I'd rather be with girlfiend, I invited her out here but she turned me down. That might sound odd but she had good reasons and none of it was my fault.
No need to mope though, I went down to Tivoli to see a free concert, if you think "free" means "shit", think again. Tivoli has all sorts of fairground rides and a couple of roly-coasters (see Larry Sanders). There's heaps of bars and restaurants, so it's easily worth the 79 Crowns to get in, but what got me was - this is a typical outdoor do, sound system like the arse end of a space shuttle and improvised bars dotted around the place, but - the beer is cheaper in there than the boozer accross the road!? eh? On top of that, the Danes are just chillin' and enjoying the music, there's no queue at the bar, ever! It's goes without saying the place was strewn with slinky blondes, it just seemed to good to be true and frankly it made me nervous.
In time honoured fashion I just quietly drank my drink and left politely. I knew the faux (yes that means "shit") English/Irish bars were more expensive but I can't really enjoy a drink when everyone around me is smiling and stepping aside to let me get to the bar. It was a futile search, there are no drunken louts in Copenhagen, well there are but they're not loutish enough. I need to feel like I've escaped a war zone to be able get a good nights sleep, I miss Leeds at times like this.
Shanghai Sam's Karaoke bar looked promising (in the sense that "I have to see this shit") until I got inside, this is hardcore Karaoke you don't hear the singer because the whole pub is singing (shouting). It was full to the rafters even though they charge 30 Crowns to get in, looked like a lot of regulars and no doubt there would be drunken shenanigans later, but not for me.
I sneaked accross the road to another English style pub. "Style" being the operative, they have "Leffe Blond/Brown" and Hoegarden on tap. I felt strangely at home sitting in frong of the Leffe taps but not enough to venture a glass, the Tuborg was doing a more than Stella job so I didn't feel the need to change.
However, after I'd fulfilled the prescription I did feel the need to get a cab back to the hotel. I contrived to let someone get in front of me in the queue so I could get in the second cab with the Eastern European looking bloke. I had a hunch he would be the quicker driver. I was right, he was a maniac, driving two inches up the next drivers arse and constantly flashing lights to get past, it was even better than being in Italy. He got a well earned tip, I can't drive like that even in Brussels but I watched and learned.
It hot here.
JJ
Thursday, 9 August 2007
Travel X, Free Stuff
Back on Monday afternoon I chucked my toothbrush into a taxicab and set off yet again for the delights of Brussels airport.
I almost had a hot dog at the bar but they'd sold out and I didn't fancy waiting 20 minutes for the next batch, I only had 5 minutes to boarding. So I knocked back a lively leffe and jumped aboard for the hop over to Copenhagen, they have excellent hot dogs even in the baggage hall, next to conveyor 3.
I'd ordered a little Ford Fiesta to get to the hotel thinking that would cause the least hassle if I wrapped it round a post, but the kind rental people upgraded me. Few things can be as big and ugly and still say "It's supposed to look like this", as a Sport Mondeo Estate. In hindsight it was very nice of them, but at the time when the lady asked me "Any questions?", all I could think of was "What's the drink drive limit in Denmark?", I'm sure she knew the answer but somehow she couldn't get the words out.
I followed the GPS to the hotel, no bother, I've been there before but somehow I'd confused it with that pokey rat-hole in Oslo so I was pleasantly surprised by the lovely huge suite they put me in. 150 kroner of drinks tokens and free movies in the room helped sweeten the deal. The downside is that it's Fashion Week in Copenhagen, I've nothing against Danish fashion, it's just that I couldn't stay in the hotel for the full week or even find a room in the city at all on Thursday and Friday, so I have the pleasure of a couple of nights at a hotel next to the airport. Awful location but because of that they make more of an effort. This time I've got access to the Executive club lounge with endless supply of drinks and food. Also free Internet in the room but then if they wanted to charge me I'd just charge it back to my Loving Employer anyway.
Oh, the free movies, I watched Rocky Balboa. Well there was nothing decent on, including Rocky Balboa. That film is like a hospital moment when they say "this might hurt a bit", you know it's going to be fucking agony and it was.
But back to the airport hotel, the view looks out across the sea and it's next to "that bridge that goes into a tunnel", I saw it from the plane on the way in and someone on the row in front said "look, there's that bridge that goes into a tunnel". I reckon I'll take a drive over at the weekend, it comes out in Malmo (Sweden) then I can go along the coast to Helsingborg, get the ferry to Helsinger (Denmark again) and drive back down to Copenhagen. It's about 150km round trip so tomorrow I'll see if I can blag a blank CD off the local IT mob and burn a Motorhead disk - the Danish radio's giving me a headache.
I've got heaps more stuff to tell but now there's a film on tv with female vampires fighting, so it'll just have to wait.
Goodnight!
JJ
I almost had a hot dog at the bar but they'd sold out and I didn't fancy waiting 20 minutes for the next batch, I only had 5 minutes to boarding. So I knocked back a lively leffe and jumped aboard for the hop over to Copenhagen, they have excellent hot dogs even in the baggage hall, next to conveyor 3.
I'd ordered a little Ford Fiesta to get to the hotel thinking that would cause the least hassle if I wrapped it round a post, but the kind rental people upgraded me. Few things can be as big and ugly and still say "It's supposed to look like this", as a Sport Mondeo Estate. In hindsight it was very nice of them, but at the time when the lady asked me "Any questions?", all I could think of was "What's the drink drive limit in Denmark?", I'm sure she knew the answer but somehow she couldn't get the words out.
I followed the GPS to the hotel, no bother, I've been there before but somehow I'd confused it with that pokey rat-hole in Oslo so I was pleasantly surprised by the lovely huge suite they put me in. 150 kroner of drinks tokens and free movies in the room helped sweeten the deal. The downside is that it's Fashion Week in Copenhagen, I've nothing against Danish fashion, it's just that I couldn't stay in the hotel for the full week or even find a room in the city at all on Thursday and Friday, so I have the pleasure of a couple of nights at a hotel next to the airport. Awful location but because of that they make more of an effort. This time I've got access to the Executive club lounge with endless supply of drinks and food. Also free Internet in the room but then if they wanted to charge me I'd just charge it back to my Loving Employer anyway.
Oh, the free movies, I watched Rocky Balboa. Well there was nothing decent on, including Rocky Balboa. That film is like a hospital moment when they say "this might hurt a bit", you know it's going to be fucking agony and it was.
But back to the airport hotel, the view looks out across the sea and it's next to "that bridge that goes into a tunnel", I saw it from the plane on the way in and someone on the row in front said "look, there's that bridge that goes into a tunnel". I reckon I'll take a drive over at the weekend, it comes out in Malmo (Sweden) then I can go along the coast to Helsingborg, get the ferry to Helsinger (Denmark again) and drive back down to Copenhagen. It's about 150km round trip so tomorrow I'll see if I can blag a blank CD off the local IT mob and burn a Motorhead disk - the Danish radio's giving me a headache.
I've got heaps more stuff to tell but now there's a film on tv with female vampires fighting, so it'll just have to wait.
Goodnight!
JJ
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
Travel IX, I've marked that bottle!
JJ Goes to Denmark
I was going to say something about Copenhagen but I decided on this instead (see below).
Written by Lemmy, performed with Fast Eddie and Philthy Phil.
JJ
---------------------------
Please tell me I'm dyin', I´m out of my mind
And I´m telling you
Please don't feel bad, I´m totally mad
I´m a boogaloo
I´m certain, I must be a burden
Completely
Over the top, over the top
Don´t know what it means, all I hear is screams
And I don´t know whose
The nightmare´s for real, I got a raw deal
And it´s all bad news
And I swear it, I can´t bear it
Completely
Over the top, over the top
I tell you no lie, my main alibi
It´s a waste of time
You know it´s the truth, the lyrics the proof
And at least it rhymes
You can´t harm me, ´cos I´m barmy
Completely
Over the top, over the top
I was going to say something about Copenhagen but I decided on this instead (see below).
Written by Lemmy, performed with Fast Eddie and Philthy Phil.
JJ
---------------------------
Please tell me I'm dyin', I´m out of my mind
And I´m telling you
Please don't feel bad, I´m totally mad
I´m a boogaloo
I´m certain, I must be a burden
Completely
Over the top, over the top
Don´t know what it means, all I hear is screams
And I don´t know whose
The nightmare´s for real, I got a raw deal
And it´s all bad news
And I swear it, I can´t bear it
Completely
Over the top, over the top
I tell you no lie, my main alibi
It´s a waste of time
You know it´s the truth, the lyrics the proof
And at least it rhymes
You can´t harm me, ´cos I´m barmy
Completely
Over the top, over the top
Sunday, 5 August 2007
Sprouts Life
JJ Goes to the Movies
Brussels has a tremendous selection of what used to be known as "Arthouse" cinemas, these days we call them "musty old flea pit where they show films with subtitles", a bit redundant really because you could describe the whole of Brussels like that. All films in Belgium have subtitles, in two languages, even on TV. Next time you're flicking throught the Lonely Planet for some exotic location to spend your measley holiday entitlement, remember: if a town has lots of cinemas, you can assume it going to rain every day. If there are lots of museums, hire a boat.
Nevertheless, in spite of this pointless meandering, determined to enjoy myself I managed to drag my sorry carcass to one of the smaller flea pits. After all, why should I stay at my own place and sit on my own sofa watching movies on my own tv when I can pay someone to do it at their place?
The flea pit is deserted of course so the ticket assistant locked eyes on me immediately. I just told myself it was nothing do with the place being empty, she probably would have done that anyway. Trying to be nonchalant like an Indian James Bond I sauntered through the lobby.
Did you know the Punjabi word for arse is "bond"? My grandmother would be in tears laughing at that every time, god rest her soul. Actually, now that I think of it, it was more of swagger than a saunter, like Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter. It's no wonder she was staring.
So I approached the ticket counter, no queue at these places, especially on a Monday night.
JJ: what's showing tonight then?
Asst: English?
JJ: I am and it should be
Asst: You don't look English
JJ: My parents are Indian, does that matter?
Asst: Indian! Ooohh I love India, all the temples and people, the foods great. I went last year for my holidays, what's that little fishing village on the coast? Do you know the one I mean?
JJ: Do you want to go through the whole list or shall I just stand in the corner and chew my arm off?
Asst: It'll come to me in a minute, the sunsets are amazing, I've been there 5 times in all
JJ: And yet you still can't remember what it's called. I hear that marijuana grows wild in many parts of India but I've never been so I can remember most of my holiday destinations
Asst: You've never been!? How could you not go? Haven't you got family there?
JJ: I've got hundreds of relatives in India and that's precisely why I've never been. Now, much as I am enjoying this sparkling conversation, I did come in to see a movie, would you happen to have any lying around?
Asst: You're not going to believe this! It's your lucky day, we've got a new movie in today from the guy who made Mango Wedding about mixed race couples, you'll love it
JJ: Wasn't it Monsoon Wedding?
Asst: It's ever so romantic, the girl gets forced into an arranged marriage but the groom turns out to be an untouchable, he was lying during the arrangement, then the family are all despairing when the girls lover turns up and beats up the groom and all of his family and they all run off. In the end the grateful parents let the two get married to each other, I cried at the wedding scene
JJ: Do you get many mixed race couples coming in to see it then?
Asst: Oh yeah, mixed race couples are just like you and me, whenever they don't know what to do and that, they turn to Bollywood
JJ: Uncanny
Asst: You should see it here on a Friday night. Funny though, there's a lot of break-ups after the movie, it was a proper demolition site last week.
JJ: Tell you what, I'll give it a miss tonight, maybe I'll turn up at the finish next Friday and see if there's anything worth picking up
Asst: You heartless bastard! this blog knows you've got a girlfriend
JJ: It also know's none of this is real so be a treasure and shut up now, I'm off to the boozer, bloody stupid idea this was
Asst: Thanks-for-coming-please-call-again
JJ: Will you shut up already? It's the movies not Kwik-e-Mart and you're a girl!
eeeh I do enjoy a good night at the flics.
JJ
Brussels has a tremendous selection of what used to be known as "Arthouse" cinemas, these days we call them "musty old flea pit where they show films with subtitles", a bit redundant really because you could describe the whole of Brussels like that. All films in Belgium have subtitles, in two languages, even on TV. Next time you're flicking throught the Lonely Planet for some exotic location to spend your measley holiday entitlement, remember: if a town has lots of cinemas, you can assume it going to rain every day. If there are lots of museums, hire a boat.
Nevertheless, in spite of this pointless meandering, determined to enjoy myself I managed to drag my sorry carcass to one of the smaller flea pits. After all, why should I stay at my own place and sit on my own sofa watching movies on my own tv when I can pay someone to do it at their place?
The flea pit is deserted of course so the ticket assistant locked eyes on me immediately. I just told myself it was nothing do with the place being empty, she probably would have done that anyway. Trying to be nonchalant like an Indian James Bond I sauntered through the lobby.
Did you know the Punjabi word for arse is "bond"? My grandmother would be in tears laughing at that every time, god rest her soul. Actually, now that I think of it, it was more of swagger than a saunter, like Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter. It's no wonder she was staring.
So I approached the ticket counter, no queue at these places, especially on a Monday night.
JJ: what's showing tonight then?
Asst: English?
JJ: I am and it should be
Asst: You don't look English
JJ: My parents are Indian, does that matter?
Asst: Indian! Ooohh I love India, all the temples and people, the foods great. I went last year for my holidays, what's that little fishing village on the coast? Do you know the one I mean?
JJ: Do you want to go through the whole list or shall I just stand in the corner and chew my arm off?
Asst: It'll come to me in a minute, the sunsets are amazing, I've been there 5 times in all
JJ: And yet you still can't remember what it's called. I hear that marijuana grows wild in many parts of India but I've never been so I can remember most of my holiday destinations
Asst: You've never been!? How could you not go? Haven't you got family there?
JJ: I've got hundreds of relatives in India and that's precisely why I've never been. Now, much as I am enjoying this sparkling conversation, I did come in to see a movie, would you happen to have any lying around?
Asst: You're not going to believe this! It's your lucky day, we've got a new movie in today from the guy who made Mango Wedding about mixed race couples, you'll love it
JJ: Wasn't it Monsoon Wedding?
Asst: It's ever so romantic, the girl gets forced into an arranged marriage but the groom turns out to be an untouchable, he was lying during the arrangement, then the family are all despairing when the girls lover turns up and beats up the groom and all of his family and they all run off. In the end the grateful parents let the two get married to each other, I cried at the wedding scene
JJ: Do you get many mixed race couples coming in to see it then?
Asst: Oh yeah, mixed race couples are just like you and me, whenever they don't know what to do and that, they turn to Bollywood
JJ: Uncanny
Asst: You should see it here on a Friday night. Funny though, there's a lot of break-ups after the movie, it was a proper demolition site last week.
JJ: Tell you what, I'll give it a miss tonight, maybe I'll turn up at the finish next Friday and see if there's anything worth picking up
Asst: You heartless bastard! this blog knows you've got a girlfriend
JJ: It also know's none of this is real so be a treasure and shut up now, I'm off to the boozer, bloody stupid idea this was
Asst: Thanks-for-coming-please-call-again
JJ: Will you shut up already? It's the movies not Kwik-e-Mart and you're a girl!
eeeh I do enjoy a good night at the flics.
JJ
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
